u/_shimano

so ive always been very confident about being 1V and thought 3V didnt make sense if i felt like i had no real insecure placement. but idk ive been kinda thinking about it since i feel like my definition of 1V (or volition in general) isn’t really correct and some traits i relate with (that i thought was 1V) was actually 3V so,, i have no idea 🥹🥹so if anyone can help that would be very appreciated and id also like to hear reasons why you think id have that volition placement!! 🙏🙏🙏

also sorry for the long post 😅

i often see people saying that 1V can control their other functions well. the thing is, for me, everything depends on whether or not i want it. so i can sometimes dislike things i like or do and enjoy things i dont like. for example i really HATE physical pain and get very annoyed if i feel pain, but sometimes i can just randomly decide that it wont bother me. then it just doesnt. or if i get told by somebody that i need to do something i generally love like drawing, but if i dont really want to then im not gonna do anything. so i can control myself if i try obviously since simply doing something i want can make everything i dislike about it disappear out of nowhere. and i dont tend to complain if it ends up being hard since i decided and want to do this. but if i dont want to then i can even end up acting worse.

if theres something i TRULY want, i tend to do anything to get it. even if i get in big trouble because of it. which is something that happened very often with my parents. they’re very strict and very controlling so they sometimes forced me to follow routines, study for hours, do things that are actually their job since they say i can do it better than them and so on. and i rarely listened to any of that. because it just feels very limitating and i simply don’t want to do it. EXCEPT if they say they will buy me something if i do it for them altho that still depends on my mood 🥹🥹 or they often didnt allow me things that were VERY personal to me, even if i tried convincing them or making “deals”, which frustrated me extremely. so that caused a lot of arguments since i really can NOT hold myself back when it comes to talking back to them and being disrespectful towards them. ive also been trying to make my friends more confrontational and to do what they want more since that’s something they struggle with a lot and it is quite frustrating to look at from the outside. especially since i also think that being unable to do what you want and to force yourself to agree with something is like giving yourself up, which i cant handle at all.

i know that goals dont have that much to do with volition, but still. i dont really have any goals. now i know for sure what i want or stuff, but thats smth that comes in the moment and can obviously change anytime. im someone whos very inconsistent HOWEVER i never had any problems with my identity at all and it might be more because of my dissociative disorder. since im very confident in who i am but i never even think about identity anyway so idk. anyways, i gave up on most of my goals since i lost interest or genuinely forgot about them. idk if this counts as a goal but ive already decided on what i want to study and work as for years and theres NO way anyone can convince me otherwise. since a lot of people have tried for whatever reasons and i either didnt listen at all or got really annoyed.

i mostly dont care about criticism unless its said rudely, then i may get a bit angry. and i think i am somewhat defensive or try to justify or excuse things. however i definitely like constructive criticism. i want to become better and improve myself. so i often want people to tell me if they have a problem with me or if something about me is bothering them. since i personally just want to be more considerate of others and it clears up miscommunication early on. if i did something bad and was unaware of it, then i should still definitely take responsibility for it. its why i tend to tell my friends about my flaws and ask them to be open and honest with me. however i put like zero effort in masking or seeming better (except if its a whole stranger or teacher obvi cuz i do have to seem a bit good but i cant keep it up for longer than 30 minutes or smth 💔) since it just really isnt the first thing on my mind. im somehow very well liked anyway (i keep forgetting i have a ton of friends since i barely count any of them as one except for 2-3 people🥹) but its still something i care about even if i still cant really tell why.

i dont care that much about leadership roles. but i seem to naturally take charge of projects or stuff even when i sometimes dont want it. i have no clue why or how this happens. but i dont mind it that much i guess. i dont think my decisions are influenced by others. my opinions CAN be though especially if i dont really care about it that much or if i just have no idea. and i dont really reject help? like ill still try it by myself the first few times since i just prefer finding out things by myself but if i really cant do it ofcourse id ask someone for help. i also dont think i impose my will on others. i mean i dont really care what others do and they can do what they want as long as it doesnt get in my way.

idk all i know is im most likely aggressive volition ✌️

im pretty sure this has been asked many times before but im still wondering about it. also its my first time posting here so sorry if its messy,,

im the host but i dont have depression or anxiety or anything like that. no low self-esteem and no feelings of emptiness either, i would just feel neutral instead but i can easily be happy. now im aware that if you have a disorder, all alters will have it, but its like i just dont. im aware that i have definitely felt anxious or depressed sometimes but i dont really remember it and it doesnt feel like it was me either.

many of my alters however do have depression, altho it varies. but when theyre fronting or co-fronting i dont really feel it either. like i would be venting or seem quite distressed but it doesnt match up with what im feeling, obviously because its theirs but still. i just feel nothing in a normal way like im just observing. it makes it hard to understand them or try to help them. i know that technically i have it too but i dont show any symptoms nor do i relate to or really remember anything about it. i cant really tell if im actually just in denial either so yeah,,

i already know my type and im sure about it but i like to see what other people would type me as and im bored so 🥹

also trigger warning for suicide mention

• How old are you? What's your gender? Give us a general description of yourself.

im a minor and im a girl. uhhh im not sure what to say for general description. i guess im someone who likes having fun and is smart?

• Is there a medical diagnosis that may impact your mental stability somehow?

adhd and found out about dissociative identity disorder a few months ago. before you come at me IM MEDICALLY RECOGNIZED 💔 and i know each part would technically have their own type but i wanted to see how others would type me if i try answering generally yk like accounting for them too which would make this way more messy ngl but thats probably how i come off if you look at me as a whole person.

• Describe your upbringing. Did it have any kind of religious or structured influence? How did you respond to it?

uhh so my mom had a lot of stress while and after she was pregnant with me bc of my father and they constantly had arguments and fights. we were quite poor and disadvantaged. my dad was quite aggressive and often impulsively broke or threw things and my mom was really sensitive and also easily frustrated. they often said death threats or even held knives against eachother, my dad broke my moms foot one time and the police has been called like twice, once by me. and im never really sure how my future is going to be since rn i still have a chance of being taken away from my family but i dont know if i want that. this happened like 2-3 months ago and is still ongoing LMAO. also i became the ultimate scapegoat for everything that happened, since in their eyes, if i wasnt born they wouldnt have been forced to stay with eachother, so i had high expectations placed on me. i had to write amazing grades or else ill be punished, i had to act good or else ill be punished, stuff like that. my parents self esteem was all based on how good i am, because if im bad, then that means they wasted their whole life on me. but i somehow managed to keep up with the very high expectations and did all of the documents or stuff that THEY had to do. i dont remember how i responded to it and its different most of the time anyway so i cant assume either. i mean i was also fundamentally a whole different person 2 years ago, so yea. all i know is i was severely depressed and suicidal and 2 years ago i somehow stopped and now im doing better than most people. i didnt heal obviously, im just too dissociated and detached to notice or feel anything really. but im not complaining because i get to be happy and not suffer. also i mightve forgotten to mention a lot more but thats not necessary anyway

• What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

im still in school so idk. i dont care about it im just doing whatever and freestyling things in the hopes i get good grades somehow without doing shit

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

depends heavily on my mood and situation and basically everything. if i like doing smth a lot in the moment i dont think id care but if i lose my motivation in everything id start tweaking ngl

• What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

i dont really care. im not good at sports and i dont really like it. i was usually forced to stay at home and was never allowed outside alone unless it was for school. so im physically quite weak.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

im very curious and i think a lot. i have many ideas and tend to daydream for hours but i sometiems get bored of that and would want to do something in the moment. and honestly i forgot what my ideas were about i just think of everything really and whatever i can think of in the moment

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

i dont mind but somehow i always end up being the leader in a group no matter what i do. prolly bc at some point i start feeling like the others suck at it and i start talking and doing more. and i dont really have a style i just freestyle it. i freestyle everything. i dont care dude 🥹

• Are you coordinated? Why do you feel as if you are or are not? Do you enjoy working with your hands in some form? Describe your activity?

no. im too easily distracted to be coordinated and i have a slow reaction time. but its fun to do. i like playing rhythm games sometimes and uh i forgot.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particular artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forums of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

i draw a lot but i dont really care i guess i just draw whatever i feel like drawing in the moment which is usually just anime stuff. i like fanarts and art that has meaning to it because i love analyzing things. is that what the question is abt.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

i can barely care for my past even if i tried hard i wouldnt remember much other than facts or stuff that are just completely meaningless and unnecessary to me. i can barely imagine the future because i can genuinely expect anything happening to me at this point, and my opinions and perspectives change often, so i cant rely on plans or goals. im usually here in the present or in my thoughts, doing whatever is the most fun or logical for me.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

depends. i might be fine with it or i might be very annoyed. if i help then its because idk. im bored, i have nothing better to do or it interests me. if i want to spend time on something else then id get annoyed for some reason

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

yeah obviously

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

efficiency and productivity are very important to me. i do NOT want to waste my time and i want to get the most out of most things i do. like minimum work maximum results thing idk how u say it.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

yea i think so. i often try to convince people or influence them into doing something usually if i want something. other than that idrc.

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

idk i just do whatever is fun in the moment and thats gonna be my hobby for the moment but not later.

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

i usually just try to understand stuff cuz i learn very fast. but i struggle BADLY with memorization. i hate memorizing things

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

i dont know man i just improvise most things unless i want to plan or strategize something but its not guaranteed that ill hold onto it

• What are your aspirations in life, professionally and personally?

i dont know and i dont really care

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

i dont really know my fears either. i think its just pain, being limited, harmed, controlled and stuff like that. what makes me uncomfortable and what i hate isnt consistent so idk. i think anything bad about my past or my environment makes me uncomfortable immediately

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

jolly whimsy and everything amazing. i feel so happy and do whatever is fun impulsively which feels so good. not having to worry or think about anything. just having fun i guess

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

i dont know and i dont remember. im prolly not even there anyway

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

im constantly dissociated but im also mostly present in a way if thats possible?? i daydream a lot but not necessarily and i sometimes dont pay a lot attention to things but sometimes i do. how aware i am is inconsistent

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about?

idk either id daydream or i start tweaking out and getting mad because of how bored i am

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

that depends heavily on what it is but usually i take some time before deciding but then im absolutely sure about it. but not really sometimes idk it depends

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

i think from everything ive said here its obvious that i dont care much about them 💔 except for happiness. i do often act on my emotions, like when im angry or stuff, altho i rarely feel INTENSE emotions (i definitely do but im sure i just forget them completely). but in the end ill forget it all at some point and just go on like normal. i don’t think i really process emotions.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

i mean if i agree just to seem good or keep the convo going then im doing it consciously. i dont do it often but usually for people im not close with. to seem good i guess

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why?

yes and no. i usually only break “rules” at home because i literally could not care less but anywhere else i usually dont or try not to get caught because id get in twice as much trouble and im NOT in the mood for that. usually its just bc i want to do i want or smth like that. and yes authority should be challenged because people should be able to do what they want without being held back by rules or such

im terribly sorry if this is very messy and i prolly said “idk/idc/i forgot” like 50 times here 🥹🥹 but thank u if u were able to read this far. also pls explain why u would type me that way if u can.

edit to fix sum mistake rq