u/aliceloul

Just posting this for some positivity ✨💗

We’re currently abroad in Greece with our 8 year old and it’s been blissful. I don’t like to highlight my positivity by bringing other families down so there won’t be any comparisons to how families with multiples might struggle - as I just don’t know! But I’m very glad to have my one and only.

We’re spending a lot of time at the pool and she’s swimming pretty much all day or eating ice cream while my boyfriend (now fiancé!!!) and I take turns watching her so the other can relax.
I read a book for four hours yesterday, got a tan, and even managed to go for a walk while listening to a podcast. This is probably the closest I can get to having a child-free holiday while still having my child with me 😂

Not sure if this is a good title but I need to vent and hopefully someone will understand. So many of the things my autistic daughter did when she was little were considered “cute” or “funny” by other people like running away from me, spinning, shaking her head violently while laughing and being chaotic, unpredictable and even physically exuberant.
When she was one or two, people would smile and sometimes comment on how funny or adorable she was. She was a bit of a handful but she was little, so there was a lot more understanding around it.
Somewhere along the way that changes.

I think you see this particularly with autistic boys too and I have a girl so I can’t relate but it’s something I often heard when connecting with other mums. A two year old boy running around and being rough or acting impulsively can be laughed off as “boys being boys” but then that exact same behaviour in a 20 year old man and suddenly nobody thinks it’s funny anymore at all.

The behaviour hasn’t changed but the way people see the person displaying it has.
Anyway I’m posting this because my biggest fear happened today and I’m still shaking a few hours later and I need some sort of outlet.
My eight year old daughter eloped at the airport just before we were due to board our plane. There was absolutely no indication that she was distressed or about to do it. She’s been to airports before and generally doesn’t elope anymore so I stupidly didn’t bring reins and I’m now beating myself up over this.

I genuinely thought we’d moved past that stage but apparently not.
She suddenly ran and I had to chase after her because she was heading towards the runway. Thankfully I caught her within seconds and most importantly, nothing happened to her. It felt like hours in the moment but it was probably seconds.
The staff were thankfully incredibly understanding and we were able to board without causing any delays but by the time I caught her, everyone was looking at me.
People stared, some whispered and while I was walking back one couple was shaking their heads.
And I kept thinking about how different this would have looked if she were two.
If she’d been a toddler running away from me while laughing, I imagine most people would have seen a mum chasing after her child and thought it was relatable. Maybe a few would have thought I needed to control my child but there would still have been an element of well she’s very young.
At eight, it’s completely different.
An eight year old running away from her mum doesn’t get the same grace. I could feel the assumptions that I couldn’t control my child, that I wasn’t parenting her properly, or that she was just being deliberately difficult.

Like I was running after her with my heart absolutely in my throat, terrified that I wouldn’t get to her in time.
I don’t expect strangers to know she’s autistic. I don’t expect people to understand every situation they see or to somehow know what is going on with a child they’ve never met either but I think it’s worth talking about how much less forgiving people become as disabled children get older. Nothing changes except how understanding those around you are.

Edit: just wanted to add that this applies to so so many situations. I don’t think I need to get into late potty training, bottles or dummies here but something like her spinning around for 30 minutes while waiting for dinner isn’t seen as cute anymore. She’s not harming anyone or disturbing them. I always make sure she’s not going up to strangers or interrupting anywhere but still, people look at her differently now.

We’re going abroad on holiday in a few days, and I need some advice on what I can bring to help prevent my 8 year old from running away. She’s autistic so please no “just tell her to stay” because that won’t work. I feel like she’s too old for reins and she knows how to open clips anyway so there’s no point in those.

I’m going to buy an AirTag today but where would be the best place to put it? It’ll be really hot so she’ll likely be wearing flip-flops or sandals and it would probably just fall out of them. Is a pocket secure enough or would I be better attaching it to a necklace or something similar?

For the hotel room, I called and it locks with a key card but the key card has to stay inside the slot next to the door for the lights and AC to work. We do need that AC but I think I could just take shifts with my boyfriend maybe and then one of us locks the door with the actual key and takes the card off and hides both until the morning. Any other advice? 🫠

I did also read to put a name tag with your phone number in their clothes but then some people say to not put a child’s name on them because it’ll make strangers more trustworthy than they need to be.

We’re staying at an all-inclusive resort, and she’s generally not a runner anymore but she does sometimes bolt when there’s a trigger.

As you can tell I’m stressed about this.

Wondering if anyone else is in the same boat as me as I got absolutely torn apart for saying this in another parenting sub.

I had my daughter when I was 19 and she’s amazing, smart and I love spending all my free time with her. I wouldn’t change her in the world so this isn’t an ableist post by any means but I do believe that when people post “autism is a superpower” or “I have a child with autism, why would this stop me from having a second?” they’re generally not including those children with higher support needs. (Those are the comments I got anyway when I posted this). So my child is 8 now.

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and I’m feeling quite heartbroken that we will likely not have any more children.
I don’t believe I have the capacity to parent another, maybe I do but and I mostly fear my daughter wouldn’t adjust to a sibling at all. She doesn’t like loud noises, so sensory hell it would be. I don’t hold resentment towards her for this but that’s just my reality.

I’d love a second, my boyfriend says he’s okay with just having the one (he’s not her bio dad) but I know deep down he’s sad.

Can anyone relate?