u/allegedly-american

Daycare worker, not a lead teacher— I use more of a “gentle parenting” approach because I am neurodivergent and am pushing back to the childhood trauma from the way I was taught/raised. I have gotten feedback from the children at the center that they like things about my teaching such as that I barely yell, am patient, etc. However, I feel looked down on by my coworkers because my approach is slower paced. Some of the more troublesome kids also don’t respect my instructions because, I hypothesize, that they are used to having to fear the other teachers. (And a lot of times, when Im giving them instructions, its just some unexplained rule the lead teachers told me.) It makes me look incompetent even though Ive done research and the evidence is that kids feel safe and happy around me. How do I become more understood and respected by both my coworkers and misbehaving children?

edit: Wanting to clarify due to the popular responses: I am not permissive. And again, I'm not a lead teacher, I float, so I can't choose how we do things, I just have to stick to the lead's schedule and rules (Furthermore, these are often updated randomly and I have to find out from a child saying "Ms. ____ doesn't let us do that." but it's never written down anywhere. This further makes me look incompetent.) I don't want to stress kids out by setting my own expectations for the few hours I'm with them vs. having different ones during the rest of the time with another teacher.

I really like the artist Monaleo because she challenges societal norms including the patriarchy (and is just really talented and enjoyable to listen to in general!) I also think I can learn about the oppression of and perspective of black women from her lyrics. However, in her song Sexy Soulaan lyrics include "If you ain't Black, stay the f*** out the business," "all the non-blacks to the back," and "if you're not black ... you're not invited to the cookout." I'm not sure if she's discouraging us from listening to her music or more like saying to know our place/symbolic of how black people have been treated historically and flipping it back on white people. Because she also says in that song "i need my reparations, b****" which i feel like implies she knows white people will listen? I am not complaining about her lyrics because I get how black people would want space from white people, and I just want to do what is respectful. But I would be a little sad if this means I should stop listening to her music. Thoughts/experiences?

(Also I'm scared people are gonna react badly to my questions so I just want to say I'm neurodivergent and I just am bad at reading between lines but I really care about respecting people's wishes, so I need help understanding things a lot.)

My whole family is conservative and some are even diehard MAGA. I feel very uneasy about even letting them know I support LGTBQ+ despite being queer myself. I try to seem neutral I guess--like I wont spread hatred just to fit in. But... one of my friends goes by they/them and I always misgender them to my family behind their back. (They've only met my family once, but I am sure to never do it in my friends presence.) I feel so guilty every time, but I feel that if I were to show support for the queer community, they'd immediately question me and I'd end up having to come out and I fear that my life will be ruined. Am I an awful person or does it sorta make sense that I do this? Do you think if my friend found out they'd understand or cut me off? They're literally my only queer friend and I don't know how to even get close enough to people to have these discussions.

I notice that when my tics are getting worse again, I start acting in ways reminiscent of childhood, like "throwing tantrums"/unstoppable sobbing, feeling shy, refusing to do things, etc. Curious if anyone else is similar!