Is anyone else’s ideal childhood influencing their decision?
TLDR; I had an “ideal” childhood but still ended up being an unhappy and resentful adult who struggles with mental illness. I’m worried that even if I gave my child a childhood like mine, which I probably can’t, they could still wind up being miserable like me.
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I read a lot on this sub and other subs about how peoples’ negative childhood experiences have landed them on the fence, but is anyone who had an ideal childhood on the fence too?
From the outside looking in, I had an “ideal” childhood. My parents waited until they were in their late 30s/early 40s to have me, so they were financially stable, had job security, owned their own house, etc. I’m an only child so they were able to put all of their time and resources into me. I got to do lots of extracurriculars, went to summer camp, and went on vacation every year. They paid for part of my first car and paid off my second car as a graduation present. They paid for my undergrad and graduate education, minus a few thousand dollars I could chip in here and there. I’m even moving back in with my parents because my long-term relationship ended, and I know that is not an option for a lot of people.
Despite all of this, I am a deeply unhappy adult who is struggling with mental illness. I started showing signs of this when I was around 9 years old, specifically OCD. Twenty years later, I still have crippling OCD and depression. My parents got me treatment when I was young, but nothing ever helped, and even at times in the past when my mental health was more stable, I was still unhappy. My parents are now “stuck” with a barely functioning adult child who they have to financially support, and I’m not sure I’d have the ability to do that if I had a child that turned out like me.
I don’t see myself being able to give my potential child a childhood similar to my own, given inflation, stagnating wages, skyrocketing college costs, home prices, etc. and even if I could, I’d be worried that they’d end up like me - a deeply unhappy and resentful adult who doesn’t even want to exist.
I’m grateful to my parents for everything they’ve done for me, but it has shown me that no matter how much money or time you have to give to a child, things can still go wrong. If I ended up bringing someone into this world who had OCD or depression, I would never forgive myself.
I’m just wondering if anyone else has had a similar thought process, as I haven’t seen many people discuss how their positive childhood is contributing to them being on the fence.