u/amateurbitch

Does anyone have any tips for staying motivated for obligations when your mental health and life is otherwise good? I’m getting married, we just moved into a lovely home, and I’m almost done with college. I work in sales and I am really struggling to give a fuck about my sales. I legitimately do not care. I come to work, do the bare minimum, and leave. Even though i make money based on my sales. I help customers and I love doing that, finding them stuff they love whatever. I do put in my all when there’s something to do. I just don’t chase customers. My mental health is pretty good and I am happy with the rest of my life. Motivation is something I have struggled with no matter how good or bad I’ve felt. Idk if it’s the bipolar or the adhd (so if you have this combo, please weigh in on how you feel it affects you).

I have everything I want in life so why would I give a fuck about my job? is basically how I’m thinking rn. I don’t know how to stay motivated for something as stupid as what I sell when I have found the love I’ve looked for all my life and I have escaped thinking about suicide daily. Life is good. But I’m getting a talking to about my numbers. So it’s not as good as I’m saying it is I guess.

Edit to add: I just texted my therapist after writing this post. Haven’t spoken to her in 3-4 months but I think I need to talk to someone since my lack of care affects my income. Would still appreciate input from yall though!

I have not ever been one to complain about my pain because no matter what I go through, my sister has fibro and all types of other things and nothing I go through compares to that. I’ve had two surgeries for my endometriosis, both with relief for about three years afterward. Well today is year 4 since my second surgery. I am in so much fucking pain today I suffered through work trying so hard to stretch my aching legs but nothing helps them. And I had pelvic pain today too so sitting in my desk chair was hell and so was walking around helping customers because there’s pain with every step.

My fiance said I might need to talk to my doctor about another surgery but since I moved down here I feel the doctors are so quick to dismiss my concerns even though I’ve had two surgeries where they’ve removed lesions. They can’t see anything on the ultrasound so they just tell me im fine. You can’t SEE endometriosis on an ultrasound . These doctors are fucking stupid. I’ve had it removed twice and they still act like there’s no shot I have it.

I’m very discouraged and have started to notice I lack interest in anything. My motivation at work is in the toilet even tho my sales are low and commission is how I make money. I just don’t care about anything. My fiance is really supportive through this and all my bipolar struggles but I am scared to tell him I’m depressed because he’s so proud of how well I’ve been doing. Our wedding is coming up and I just feel like I’m gonna be in pain all day and it’s making me miserable. I guess at leadt I’m not hypomanic. I’m sleeping all the time which I guess is what I need but I feel like my days are wasting away.

Idk why I’m posting. Just needed to get it out. My fiance’s right about me needing another surgery. I feel like I can’t go on living this way having surgeries every 5 years. I’m also scared I won’t be able to have kids. This whole situation is just dragging me down. I wish I wasn’t in pain all the time.

I’m so upset I really thought I could be better. I’m near tears in my car on lunch break because I’m terrified my fiance is going to break up with me because I misunderstood something. When I misunderstood he apologized and said he just used the wrong words and I completely spiraled and said he was gaslighting me. I have no basis for thinking this and he said he wasn’t mad at me but I just can’t stop thinking he hates me and wants to leave me. Idk what’s wrong with me. I still take lamotrigine and abilify. Idk why I can’t just be okay. I feel so stable and safe in this relationship but one little thing lately makes me feel like I’m going to lose everything.