u/amberjunkie

Sorry for the long post!

My boyfriend of 1.5 years is extremely close with this mum. She moved states with a new partner and he followed with her, leaving behind all his friends and siblings to be with her in a new state (and for a fresh start for himself he says).

His mum is on the diagnostic cascade of private ADHD diagnosis, EDS, POTS, chronic pain etc. She is very naive with a lot of things and sometimes I find it insensitive. For example once being diagnosed with POTS by a rheumatologist she was very over the top about it being the answer to all her issues and that she has an auto immune disorder and has struggled for a long time. I have members of my family who have severe autoimmune disorders like rheumatoid arthritis and lupus so I tried to question further, asking if she had been tested for actual autoimmune disorders and was met with a lot of defensiveness from her and my boyfriend insinuating i was minimising her struggle. She is very new age aware of things, she got my boyfriend diagnosed with autism very young (if he is autistic, he is very high functioning) and looks for every opportunity to bring up disability and health etc. It’s a hard bubble to describe if you don’t know someone like this but just to add some context to the scenario.

Recently I was over at their house for mother’s day, and me and my boyfriend’s housing has been a topic of discussion for awhile. He lives in my rental which is up at the end of the year and we want to buy a house. I have rented alone for 8 years and he has always lived with his mum. I have a rocky relationship with my family of which they are aware (my parents had me at 16, always need money, can’t rely on them type of deal).

Now my bf has been talking to me about the possibility of living with his mum while we save for a house or build one - How exciting! I have paid rent for a long time and it would be such a luxury to have that afforded to us. He has mentioned my dog will be a bit of an issue though, he might have to stay outside and only have access to the laundry, as his mum has OCD and doesn’t like dog hair. OK Sure.

Now this topic comes up with his mum and stepdad, I am feeling stressed about my lease being up (owner is selling) and the cost of rentals being so high that owning a house seems impossible. His mum says, if you were to live here would your mum take your dog?
Now maybe this is a valid question, but I find it quite rude, my dog is my best friend and a huge part of my life and is part of the package deal unfortunately. To add onto that, she knows that my mum is more like a sister than a parent to me and that my mum would never do something like that for me. Even if she did, she lives with my grandparents and my siblings - 7 people in one house, with a dog and 3 cats already.
She doesn’t know however that I already brought this up with my mum randomly, and her response was, why wouldn’t your dog be allowed to move into her house? She has a huge house with plenty of room meanwhile we are sharing rooms.

For once I actually agree with my mum, it seems ridiculous to propose that she take my dog when he could be in a huge house with 4 people. But of course, I appreciate bf mum is very generous in offering us to live with her and I don’t have any expectations. So if she doesn’t want a dog at her house then fine, that’s okay with me. What I don’t appreciate is the conditional offer of housing, “but you can’t bring your dog”.

While we were on this topic, I say things like “Oh what if he only sleeps inside and doesn’t go into any other rooms”. That’s a No. I say “oh okay well he will still have the laundry at least?” (My bf has told me this) She says no because the house has just been repainted. I say “oh so he can stay outside then? I’m sure that will be okay short term”. She says because she works from home it will be too hard for her to manage. Oh okay no worries, we start discussing other options, night ends fine and we go home.

The next day we are discussing something unrelated in the group chat (me, bf, bf mum) and she sends this message: “Im leaving this conversation I’m really fuelled tbh! I’m a calm person I value my peace and my gut is very unsettled right now.”

I get so confused and worried, I try to call her no answer, I tell my bf to call her something must be going on, no answer. He tells me to just leave it but i keep pushing and he calls again and she answers and he goes outside to talk privately.

He tells me she feels I pushed and pushed her on that night about the dog, and she feels incredibly disrespected and he agrees I was being pushy.

I was so dumbfounded, I never thought I was being pushy I don’t understand. If I was why didn’t anyone say anything in the moment? Why was it all fine and good and then blown up the next day?

Now it has been a week and me and bf are on the rocks. We can’t talk about it because I insist that he defends me and calls out his mum for being ridiculous, and he insists I was being pushy and it’s her house and she’s allowed to feel disrepected.

I am hurt. She acted fake to my face and then blew up the next day, sending that rude message. Didn’t answer calls or texts when I was worried about her, then essentially ‘talked shit’ behind my back to her son about me. I know for a fact she is also saying it in messages to him now.
I say in our arguments that he defends her too much and it is a red flag, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t push back on their mum. And now with this I am starting to be more aware of just how close they are and how it might be in the long term.

It reminds me of a past argument we had. His sister doesn’t talk to his mum and I dont know the ins and outs, but one time in conversation I said something to the effect of “I can imagine it would be hard having two young kids and your mum moves to another state”. I clarified I wasn’t excusing any behaviour from her, just that it would be hard without your mum around. My bf went crazy defending his mum, that she needed to move for her own life, that it’s not about that, that his mum did nothing wrong - which I all agree with. But now the heat of that moment is painting a bigger picture for me.

Advice around this is appreciated!

Sorry for the long post!

My boyfriend of 1.5 years is extremely close with this mum. She moved states with a new partner and he followed with her, leaving behind all his friends and siblings to be with her in a new state (and for a fresh start for himself he says).

His mum is on the diagnostic cascade of private ADHD diagnosis, EDS, POTS, chronic pain etc. She is very naive with a lot of things and sometimes I find it insensitive. For example once being diagnosed with POTS by a rheumatologist she was very over the top about it being the answer to all her issues and that she has an auto immune disorder and has struggled for a long time. I have members of my family who have severe autoimmune disorders like rheumatoid arthritis and lupus so I tried to question further, asking if she had been tested for actual autoimmune disorders and was met with a lot of defensiveness from her and my boyfriend insinuating i was minimising her struggle. She is very new age aware of things, she got my boyfriend diagnosed with autism very young (if he is autistic, he is very high functioning) and looks for every opportunity to bring up disability and health etc. It’s a hard bubble to describe if you don’t know someone like this but just to add some context to the scenario.

Recently I was over at their house for mother’s day, and me and my boyfriend’s housing has been a topic of discussion for awhile. He lives in my rental which is up at the end of the year and we want to buy a house. I have rented alone for 8 years and he has always lived with his mum. I have a rocky relationship with my family of which they are aware (my parents had me at 16, always need money, can’t rely on them type of deal).

Now my bf has been talking to me about the possibility of living with his mum while we save for a house or build one - How exciting! I have paid rent for a long time and it would be such a luxury to have that afforded to us. He has mentioned my dog will be a bit of an issue though, he might have to stay outside and only have access to the laundry, as his mum has OCD and doesn’t like dog hair. OK Sure.

Now this topic comes up with his mum and stepdad, I am feeling stressed about my lease being up (owner is selling) and the cost of rentals being so high that owning a house seems impossible. His mum says, if you were to live here would your mum take your dog?
Now maybe this is a valid question, but I find it quite rude, my dog is my best friend and a huge part of my life and is part of the package deal unfortunately. To add onto that, she knows that my mum is more like a sister than a parent to me and that my mum would never do something like that for me. Even if she did, she lives with my grandparents and my siblings - 7 people in one house, with a dog and 3 cats already.
She doesn’t know however that I already brought this up with my mum randomly, and her response was, why wouldn’t your dog be allowed to move into her house? She has a huge house with plenty of room meanwhile we are sharing rooms.

For once I actually agree with my mum, it seems ridiculous to propose that she take my dog when he could be in a huge house with 4 people. But of course, I appreciate bf mum is very generous in offering us to live with her and I don’t have any expectations. So if she doesn’t want a dog at her house then fine, that’s okay with me. What I don’t appreciate is the conditional offer of housing, “but you can’t bring your dog”.

While we were on this topic, I say things like “Oh what if he only sleeps inside and doesn’t go into any other rooms”. That’s a No. I say “oh okay well he will still have the laundry at least?” (My bf has told me this) She says no because the house has just been repainted. I say “oh so he can stay outside then? I’m sure that will be okay short term”. She says because she works from home it will be too hard for her to manage. Oh okay no worries, we start discussing other options, night ends fine and we go home.

The next day we are discussing something unrelated in the group chat (me, bf, bf mum) and she sends this message: “Im leaving this conversation I’m really fuelled tbh! I’m a calm person I value my peace and my gut is very unsettled right now.”

I get so confused and worried, I try to call her no answer, I tell my bf to call her something must be going on, no answer. He tells me to just leave it but i keep pushing and he calls again and she answers and he goes outside to talk privately.

He tells me she feels I pushed and pushed her on that night about the dog, and she feels incredibly disrespected and he agrees I was being pushy.

I was so dumbfounded, I never thought I was being pushy I don’t understand. If I was why didn’t anyone say anything in the moment? Why was it all fine and good and then blown up the next day?

Now it has been a week and me and bf are on the rocks. We can’t talk about it because I insist that he defends me and calls out his mum for being ridiculous, and he insists I was being pushy and it’s her house and she’s allowed to feel disrepected.

I am hurt. She acted fake to my face and then blew up the next day, sending that rude message. Didn’t answer calls or texts when I was worried about her, then essentially ‘talked shit’ behind my back to her son about me. I know for a fact she is also saying it in messages to him now.
I say in our arguments that he defends her too much and it is a red flag, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t push back on their mum. And now with this I am starting to be more aware of just how close they are and how it might be in the long term.

It reminds me of a past argument we had. His sister doesn’t talk to his mum and I dont know the ins and outs, but one time in conversation I said something to the effect of “I can imagine it would be hard having two young kids and your mum moves to another state”. I clarified I wasn’t excusing any behaviour from her, just that it would be hard without your mum around. My bf went crazy defending his mum, that she needed to move for her own life, that it’s not about that, that his mum did nothing wrong - which I all agree with. But now the heat of that moment is painting a bigger picture for me.

Advice around this is appreciated!

I’m 3 years post gastric sleeve, usually I could eat a small meal - ie 1-2-1 cup of rice, 150g chicken or a small sandwich or 2 slices of pizza.

Recently I can eat barely anything without feeling sick and vomiting. I can’t even finish a slice of pizza. 3 bites of rice and 3 bites of chicken and i’m sweating nauseous for hours.

What could be the reason for this sudden reduction in how much I can stomach?