Miscarriage
Salaams everyone,
I hope this message finds you all in good health.
I wanted to ask for some advice, if possible. What I’m about to say may not fully make sense, and some of it may even sound contradictory, but I just need somewhere to express how I’m feeling.
Two years ago, I lost a pregnancy due to PROM. During those two years, I was completely heartbroken. I cried constantly and kept asking Allah why He had taken my baby away from me. Over time, I became numb and eventually accepted the possibility that perhaps my husband and I were not meant to have children.
Then, around two weeks ago, I found out I was pregnant again. My husband and I were overjoyed. I was making a lot of dua, eating healthier, being extra cautious, and trying my best to do everything right. Despite that happiness, I was also extremely anxious and worried throughout the pregnancy.
Unfortunately, on Tuesday, I lost the baby.
Since then, I’ve only cried a few times, but mostly I just feel numb. I feel ashamed even admitting this, but I am angry with Allah. I know Allah does not need me — I need Him — but I keep asking myself why this happened again. I tried so hard with this pregnancy, so why was it taken away from us? Why give us two weeks of happiness only for it to end in more pain and trauma?
I understand that life is a test and that we are meant to have sabr, but truthfully, I feel exhausted. I don’t know how much more I can handle emotionally.
What hurt even more was something my husband said recently. He suggested that maybe my overthinking and anxiety during the pregnancy could have contributed to losing the baby. Hearing that deeply upset me, especially because he has also become quite distant from me emotionally.
At this point, I am just tired, overwhelmed, and unsure of what advice I’m even looking for. I think I just needed to let these feelings out and hear from others who may understand.