u/ana30671

It's 3:23 am. Baby woke up like 45 minutes ago. She's 8.5 months and has been sleeping poorly overnight again for weeks, and I'm getting sleep deprived again. I am the one waking up to deal with it, and half the time if she's taking a long time to get down down and I'm exhausted I can get overwhelmed easily. He fell asleep in the living room, I've spent 40 minutes trying to get her back down and went in again with more formula which she rejects (get formula intake has been horrible the more solids we try to introduce). I'm getting overwhelmed so I put her in the crib and walk away to try and compose myself, and he starts to chastise me for doing that. Now we're fighting. He told me recently, after having a breakdown in the middle of the night, to wake him up if I'm getting to that point. I've done had twice and he's freaked out each time.

Now he's chastising me for stepping away. Why can't you go take over if you're that concerned that I've left her to cry in the crib? "Because you're the mom". Since when did tasks become segregated to mom being the only one who should do things? If I need help then why is that a fucking slight on me? It's the weekend, you don't work today, you see I'm struggling so either let me compose myself for 5 minutes to take a break from her screaming in my ear or go right now to try and soothe her back to sleep. I say that the tasks aren't just to be done by only one parent, other than breastfeeding because he literally can't (i barely could with my super low supply). "Oh you want to be equal? Go do the lawn care". How the fuck does that help her settle back to bed?! That's a completely different area, that is not a parental task. That's a homeowner task.

I'm so livid, and he says he's talked to his friends about it. That i should be doing those mom tasks. I get overwhelmed every night. Okay, I'm also deprived. Chronically for the majority of the time she's been born. His mom is also an ass and I straight up no longer like her. "Did she think this would be easy?" I can say the same for you, Dad. That came before this, when i was just starting my first postpartum period on top of being slightly under medicated for my bipolar disorder which was all working together to make me particularly emotionally vulnerable to stressors. But no, none of that is taken into consideration. I'm just the mom who needs to "suck it up, that's what babies do." Sure, and I can still be overwhelmed by the difficulty of raising an infant even if that's what i signed up to do. Oh you keep going to bed late and saying you need to go to sleep earlier and then this happens. Yeah last night I needed to eat after we got home, I was starving. Oh I watched TV while eating? Because I have a paint by number i got months ago that is not even a quarter done because I don't have a lot of time to dedicate to myself or when I try I get chastised for not doing house work or she wakes up unexpectedly and needs me.

I am not specifically seeking advice, because it won't matter. None of this will change. I could be the one call at work who also needs to be the one to take her to daycare before going to work and I might be up for 1.5 hours if she can't settle right away. Because I'm the mom... the only one who's supposed to be doing this.

Edit: he said when this first started. I said I needed 5 minutes, he said he'll get her down in 10. She does down, we argue more, I say I need to step outside for a breather from him. I come back in 10 minutes later and she's crying. Apparently my fault because we were arguing (she didn't make a sound at this point) and then me opening the door. This is what i deal with every day, her settling briefly and then waking up again before I have time to get more sleep. What could have possibly been less time trying to get her back down has increased, although I probably would still be doing this and he'd just be on the couch letting me do the mom-only job task.

I know there's a 3 dog limit. I have no idea if these are her dogs or if she's just watching dogs, it seems like there's different ones sometimes but always upwards of 5-6. They are out there often (backyards all face each other) and we hear them often enough barking loudly. Now that we have an infant we definitely take note of it more. I'm home alone right now and she's asleep, windows are open to help cool down the upstairs, and i hear the most terrifying yelping ever. I literally ran out there thinking her dogs were mauling a cat or something to death because I saw the woman in the middle, clearly holding onto or trying to grab whatever animal it was that the others seemed to be attacking. She got the animal loose and it looked like a small dog. I waited like 30 seconds and called out asking if everything was okay. She brushes it off saying "oh yeah it's fine it just sounds worse than it was". Literally was a good minute of that fighting. It scared both of my cats who were waiting for me to feed them, and now one of them is hiding under our lazy boy and won't come out (we adopted her from a family with dogs and I suspect some not great stuff happened with that).

Wtf do I do with that info and event? Like... how is that safe? I don't imagine the dogs would be able to jump the fence but if they are outside they can be so loud and if we're bringing our daughter outside I don't want 5-6 loud and possibly dangerous dogs out there to scare her. Do I just ignore that? I tried calling my husband to get his thoughts but he's busy watching some sport thing with friends so probably didn't hear me calling. I'm genuinely just... beyond shocked. I've never seen something like that before and feel horrible for my kitty.

EDIT: thanks everyone for your opinions on reporting it! I was able to get a hold of my husband and we'll discuss it more probably tomorrow to decide what we'll do. I think a report is warranted but definitely awkward as she'd know i reported it and our backyards literally face each other.

Up early this morning (just before 7am MST) and saw a handful of pages with new items! First time in forever I've seen that. Nothing all that good left though.

Went to Burger Priest this afternoon after doing blood work since my husband told me I should go somewhere like burger priest rather than stay there to feed our crying 8 month old while he waited still to get his blood drawn. Got there and sat down with baby and got her bottle out, it had leaked into the bottle cap. So starting off already a bit frazzled! Took 30 minutes for her to finish the bottle and during this time i called my husband. He said he wanted me to meet him at home depot. I told him I didn't order myself any food yet because i thought he would be coming to me once he finished and we'd eat there, and i was feeling rushed to get out of there now. After hanging up and as I'm still feeding her the bottle one of the employees comes up and asks if I want fries. I'm a bit confused, she says it's free. I said I was planning to buy a burger and fries after baby finished her bottle, but she told me not to worry about it.

Baby finished her bottle and I had a hot meal, burger and fries, ready for me when she was done. I had a horrible night with her waking up at 4am and wasting 2 hours trying to get her to sleep and having a sleep deprived breakdown, so the free meal was such a nice little gesture on the part of the employee. I didn't catch her name but very thankful for the positive visit!

Tonight I've picked 2x bottle washer tablets, 2x bottle washer descaling tablets (I literally don't even need them for the bottle washer, I've ordered so many but plan to try them all out with baby's humidifier), 1 Diesel protein powder, and a collapsing baby bathtub (already ordered one that's kind of terrible and if this one works well I'll give away the hard plastic one that takes up so much room). Seriously appreciate the baby items so much when they're good, id say 90% or more of baby's feeding items are from Vine lol. But hopefully I'll get some gold tier items soon and NOT be too slow and miss out.

Anyone else find their RFY was really lackluster after starting a new evaluation period? Or is it just the Vine lull right now?

We need to get our basement bathroom (specifically shower) redone. Old home owners were.. not great with thinking about longevity of their DIY renos. There's some water seepage into the utility room so unsure if how much will need to be torn out and redone, so reno might also need to extend a bit into the utility room beside it. My husband said he'd likely do demo on his own before getting someone in to do the reno.

Any recommendations? We're not looking for anything super fancy, just nice and basic is fine. Does it save money to buy items eg hardware, tiles etc independently vs through the contractor, and are contractors willing to use supplies bought by the homeowners? Any further guidance or experience is much appreciated!