Does anyone else’s OCD make them check an ex’s social media over and over, even years later?
I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced this because I feel really alone in it.
About two years ago, I got out of an on and off relationship with someone I’ll call “M.” We were together on and off for about two years. The relationship itself was emotionally exhausting. We had a strong connection, but it was inconsistent and left me with a lot of unanswered questions. Even though we’ve been broken up for about two years, my OCD seems to have latched onto him.
It’s not that I’m sitting around wanting to get back together every day. It’s more that my brain feels like it needs to know what’s going on. I find myself checking his Instagram, TikTok, following list, followers, likes, stories, and activity over and over throughout the day. Some days it can easily be 10–30 times. If I notice something changed, my brain immediately starts trying to solve it or figure out what it means.
I know it isn’t helping me. In fact, it usually makes me feel worse. But if I try not to check, I get this overwhelming feeling that I’m missing something important or that I won’t be able to stop thinking about it until I look. It’s like my anxiety builds until I give in.
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD, so I recognize this is probably reassurance-seeking or a checking compulsion rather than genuine curiosity. The frustrating part is that I know logically that checking never gives me peace for long. I might feel relieved for a minute, and then an hour later I’m checking again.
I’m in therapy and have been working on my OCD, but this particular compulsion has been one of the hardest to break because it has become such an automatic habit.
Has anyone else dealt with this specifically with an ex? If so:
- What helped you stop checking?
- Did the urge eventually decrease?
- How did you cope with the anxiety when you resisted checking?
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar. Right now it feels like my brain is stuck in a loop, and I’m hoping there’s a way out.