Exercised for 7 days straight (with recovery) for the first time in years! Really proud.
I'm not "out". You never get "out". You might one day no longer meet the diagnostic criteria, but the trauma stays with you. But I have healthy friends, healthy habits. I'm medicated. I did a year of DBT group thearpy and I read my DBT book every night. I have a great therapist who holds me accountable.
I had two run ins with other BPD people earlier this year. They broke my heart. One of them is in the "he can tell something's wrong" stage but is too proud to fix it. He goes from friend group to friend group, and romantic partner to romantic partner he entrances them, he causes a huge amount of toxicicity and drama, and then he's kicked out. The other one is the same, except I don't think he's even aware that he's the problem at all.
They're both running out of people. They look more miserable every time I see them. I think one of them might be self harming.
It sucks. Like don't get me wrong, it's their responsibility to deal with their trauma and their issues and they're not. I was the same at one point, and it's not their fault but it's their responsibility. But I've been there. It's awful finding people over and over again, and thinking "I've found my people!" or even worse "I've found my person!" and then be rejected, even if you're the problem.
I wish I could help them. I obviously couldn't tell them they were BPD (I think one of them knows) but I recommended DBT to both. I'm tempted to try to make friends with them but even as a late recovery BPD person making friends with other BPD people is dangerous.
I wish I could help them.
I'm just constantly noticing how little I know about everything compared to everyone else about everything. Cars, food, clothes, sports, everyone seems to know more than me. I think it's what happens when you're out of commission for years of your life and have memory loss for the rest.
Hate it. Guess I'll just have to live a three times as knowledge hungry life.
So I have three very close individual friends and a friend group with two girls. This feels ridiculous. This feels impossible. The friend group went out together on Friday and hasn't texted me back since I texted them Saturday morning with photos from the night before (they asked for them) but that's par for the course for thhem and hasn't meant anything in the past when that's happened.
I'm about to travel a very long way to visit one of the three close friends who invited me and is very excited to see me. Everyone is so nice and wonderful.
This feels riduculous. It feels like everyone's playing a joke on me. These are (mostly) healthy, normal, people. The sort of people who have laughed and shit on me in the past.
My gut says there's a 90% chance the friend group is real. My gut is usually right. Maybe it's wrong this time but it's usually right.
I'm using what I learned in DBT. I'm radically accepting that the evidence points to these friendships are real, and that's that. I'm staying in my wise mind. It just feels too much.
So I have three very close individual friends and a friend group with two girls. This feels ridiculous. This feels impossible. The friend group went out together on Friday and hasn't texted me back since I texted them Saturday morning with photos from the night before (they asked for them) but that's par for the course for thhem and hasn't meant anything in the past when that's happened.
I'm about to travel a very long way to visit one of the three close friends who invited me and is very excited to see me. Everyone is so nice and wonderful.
This feels riduculous. It feels like everyone's playing a joke on me. These are (mostly) healthy, normal, people. The sort of people who have laughed and shit on me in the past.
My gut says there's a 90% chance the friend group is real. My gut is usually right. Maybe it's wrong this time but it's usually right.
I'm using what I learned in DBT. I'm radically accepting that the evidence points to these friendships are real, and that's that. I'm staying in my wise mind. It just feels too much.
I have every reason to be happy right now, but also a lot of reasons not to be. I feel pretty good, and I'm not sleeping as much as I was. But that was true earlier too because my life is a lot more full than it was. I can't tell if I'm hypo or happy. I think I'm probably hypo because I've been saying some wild things which has been a sign lately when my hypo runs into my meds.
Fucking hate this fucking shit. Fucking hate the people who did this to me. I'm going to survive. I'm going to get the things I want. Going to live the life I want. I just wish there was a way to tell.
Some friends wanted to go to something with me and they're not responding to a text I sent. I overreacted to a million percent, slept 13 hours, had multiple panic attacks with ideation (fine now) and am just feeling kind of fed up with myself and tired of trying to make my life better when this stuff happens all the time.
I'd love to hear positive stories from other people's lives. What's going on with you all? What are you accomplishing? What are you proud of? Anything helps.
Some friends wanted to go to something with me and they're not responding to a text I sent. I overreacted to a million percent, slept 13 hours, had multiple panic attacks with ideation (fine now) and am just feeling kind of fed up with myself and tired of trying to make my life better when this stuff happens all the time.
I'd love to hear positive stories from other people's lives. What's going on with you all? What are you accomplishing? What are you proud of? Anything helps.
Some friends wanted to go to something with me and they're not responding to a text I sent. I overreacted to a million percent, slept 13 hours, had multiple panic attacks with ideation (fine now) and am just feeling kind of fed up with myself and tired of trying to make my life better when this stuff happens all the time.
I'd love to hear positive stories from other people's lives. What's going on with you all? What are you accomplishing? What are you proud of? Anything helps.
Sometimes I'm hypomanic and I smile a lot and I'm really fun to talk to. I tend to be very successful with women during those times. Sometimes I'm depressed and I turn every conversation into a contest over who's more miserable. The difference is very noticable. I've had relationships with very attractive women that developed out of times I was hypomanic. I've had long dry spells when I was depressed.
I have a close friend who's 6' 2" with a tattoo sleeve. Is his "baseline" higher than mine? Sure? But who you are and how you act matters enormously, and I've experienced that in great detail.
Had 0 friends start of 1L and was very unpopular. Made first close friend end of 1L fall. Second close friend start of 1L summer. Third close friend start of 2L fall. Met my friend group mid 2L summer.
Things change. People grow. You'll grow. It'll be okay.
Let me be very clear: my work did nothing wrong. This is not a disability suit thing. This is not a "I'm so repressed thing." It's no ones fault. It was my responsibility to manage my illness, and for a time I did, and then I didn't.
They're being nice about it. They're not telling anyone. They're giving me a runway.
Our Thing is a fucking nightmare. I kept my symptoms hidden for a month, but I started showing a few weeks ago, and found out last week that they would be terminating my contract in the fall. I met my replacement today.
I solved the problem. I found the bug and fixed it. It won't matter this time. It might matter for next time. Next time, if it happens again, it'll be something different.
I've been fired from, or should've been fired from, every job I've had. Its usually been on more and more friendly terms. Its usually been for a different reason each time. That's something.
I am not a danger to myself. I want to crawl inside a hole and just never see the light of day again.
Let me be very clear: my work did nothing wrong. This is not a disability suit thing. This is not a "I'm so repressed thing." It's no ones fault. It was my responsibility to manage my illness, and for a time I did, and then I didn't.
They're being nice about it. They're not telling anyone. They're giving me a runway.
Bipolar and Borderline is a fucking nightmare combination. I kept my symptoms hidden for a month, but I started showing a few weeks ago, and found out last week that they would be terminating my contract in the fall. I met my replacement today.
I solved the problem. I found the bug and fixed it. It won't matter this time. It might matter for next time. Next time, if it happens again, it'll be something different.
I've been fired from, or should've been fired from, every job I've had. Its usually been on more and more friendly terms. Its usually been for a different reason each time. That's something.
I am not a danger to myself. I want to crawl inside a hole and just never see the light of day again.
I can’t buy a gun.
Even though I might end up homeless.
Because I keep getting fired.
And I’m scared that I’ll run out of money before I can buy one if I’m headed in that direction.
I’d be a shitty homeless person. I’d probably get addicted to drugs really fast.
But I can’t catch my flight and then try to get better. I can only do the reverse.
And next time I get fired or broken up with owning a gun would be too tempting.
So I can’t buy a gun.
Edit: there's no need to do the "concerned redditor thing." The whole point of this is that I'm not doing it.
In DBT therapy. Medicated.
one of my closest friends wants to talk this weekend. She's called me her "best friend" before but we havent' talked for a while. Obviously that means she hates me and doesn't want me to visit her or talk to to her or be friends with her when she moves back later this summer anymore.
I know it doesn't, because I've been doing this forever and I'm used to it, but it feels bad and I'm sick of it
like literally I had made so many leaps earlier in the summer and then I lost them because I got a crazy crush for someone. Lost some, kept a lot, trying to get it back. So annoying. Just the life we live. I don't know how common this is, feels like something that could happen to a lot of people because how distabalizing it was. Definitely effected my mood both up and down. Okay, think that's enough text for the automod not to get triggered. Have a good day y'all.
Realized I'm falling out of my crush for a coworker which if you're bpd causes big messiness. I feel like I'm never going to be loved or find love again. Using dbt strategies. Any help appreciated.
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. It was originally created for BPD (which I have) but it's been incredibly helpful for my bipolar as well. I have friends who've had lifechanging results for depression, ASD, etc.
Every page in my DBT book I'm either like "so relatable" or I'm like "fuck you, fuck off, but let me write that down." It very possibly saved my life and definitely changed it. If you need help, it's worth a try.
Things you should know:
It's meant to be accesible to nuerodivergent and less-educated people, so it can sometimes feel oversimplified or a little condenscending. That takes some getting used to, but you do get used to it.
It can be very direct. It will straight up tell you "these things are unhealthy and bad and you should stop doing them." If you're used to modern therapy which tends to beat around the bush, that takes some getting used to.
It's very structured. Lots of worksheets and workbooks and charts. That's not everyone's cup of tea, certainly wasn't mine, but it's helpful in the long term.
I'm not saying it's a silver bullet, or perfect for everyone, but it changed my life and I wanted to share that.