I’m in the exact same boat, age and all. You’ve written my own story. People have no clue and assume moms have to fight…we still do.
I chose to let them stay where there’s routine and all their close family is there, instead of subjecting them to poverty and uncertainty.
I’m 31. I’m working on switching to another career and it’s just for money, it’s in AI and my company is paying for it. If I could go to my true passion of mortuary science I would but I can’t take on any debt rn.
I’m going through a divorce where my ex took all the money, the kids are with him more, he has a healthy family and community, and I’m one paycheque from homelessness and can barely afford food.
My lawyer is indifferent. If it wasn’t for my current job, I wouldn’t have a lawyer since the benefits at my job are good even though the pay is trash. I make 23 an hour.
What little legacy we built he decided to squander it and any time I tried to build community he’d find a way to squash it so I’m inevitably alone, basically penniless and lost. Nothing feels worth it and even with resources it’s not what I **need.**
The only real value I have is a corporate life insurance policy designated to the kids. That’s it. What even can you do in this situation? If it wasn’t for a friend of mine letting me rent a room cheap I’d be in my car, and he’s trying to take that away too.
It’s the problem with him is I can’t relax in any way. Ever since mentioning I will be out of state for work, I keep getting this feeling in my gut. He has a history of utilizing his resources to hurt other people. His sister is a deputy sheriff for context and this is relevant.
Example, he had a girlfriend in college and it was chaotic. According to him, they broke up, she didn’t take too well to it, and was throwing clay at his door. He took a few videos of them arguing and then, in his words that “the courts favour women”, he got his sister involved. She left her jurisdiction to help him file an assault charge against his ex (he admitted she didn’t lay a hand on him) as a way to “cover his ass” and she spent a night in jail.
Apparently the ex-girlfriend got charged with assault, lost her scholarship and place in school so she lost her career path, lost her job as well. He admitted to me that he ruined her life over a lie. He also stated that he tried to apologize to her after the fact, and of course, like any common sense person would, she freaked out at him and walked away before he could finish apologizing.
So let’s forward to now. He is spending the weekend with our kids at his sister’s place. I receive an email from him saying where he is and that they are spending the night and then leaving tomorrow morning. He has never left me a message like that before. My gut keeps telling me something is off, but I don’t have enough proof to protect myself legally. My mother thinks he might try to hurt me, but my lawyer says that having fear alone is not enough to file a protection order.
Additional context matters, he does have a history of anger issues, but it’s only ever been directed at me.
Anyone else have an act like this where you can never trust them with anything? And all my years of knowing him, nothing is ever what he says it is, there’s always something hidden behind it.
Hey y’all, first time poster longtime lurker. Bare with me. Just venting as I need somewhere to put all this.
To make a long story short, my STBXH (31M) and I (31F) officially separated in January of this year. It was a long time coming and we’d been together almost 10 years. We have three kids under 8.
Due to my financial struggles and lack of resources, and my work itself, my work temporarily relocated me for training cycles out of state at the time. He approved of it and everyone is on the same page (no official custody orders YET). During several zoom calls and FaceTime, the kids would randomly say things such as, “dad says you’re lying” and “dad says you don’t care because you didn’t get to pick us up this weekend”. Our eldest stated that “dad said he can’t deal with you”.
I addressed it with my lawyer who tbh seems indifferent, she DID say that “a motion to prohibit the Father from speaking derogatorily about you to or in the presence of the children would need to filed so you an bring him before the judge who can help explain to him that either of you saying negative things about the other to the children is detrimental to them.” Now that’s being filed but it is so disheartening, it also breaks my heart to hear it from our kids.
Drop advice if you like, or vent your own stuff, I’m sorta just venting into the void so I don’t bother what little family I do have with all this. Idk.