u/anxious_mess30

For months I have just been so unbelievably tired and exhausted. Feels like the weight of my world is on my shoulders and I’m struggling so much to carry it all.

A year ago I moved 5 hours away from my home time and while I don’t regret it, I find myself begging the world to let me find myself in a position to go back. At the same time I don’t even know what I’d be going back for. I have maybe 3 friends from home I talk to from time to time, all my closest friends have ghosted me. No more calls, no more texts, just silence.

I’ve made new friends since moving but it just feels like they don’t even really like me. For a long time they’d all hangout and I’d have no idea until after, or until it was day of hangout and I couldn’t make it.

My birthdays coming up, and I’ll be going home for that, but I regret even making that choice… I don’t want to celebrate my birthday. I just want to be around the people I love.

Works been exhausting, feels like a long winded day followed by another long winded day. Every week drags on longer and longer.

I want to quit my job, find new friends again, maybe even move somewhere farther or way. Maybe pack everything and go back home. I don’t want to talk to anyone, or be around anyone or involved in anything. I force myself to do stuff I don’t want to because I know I’ll only make it all worst if I don’t but god I’m so sick of being strong. I don’t want to be the strong person, I don’t want to fight this silent battle alone anymore. I miss my support group, I miss having people I could call and tell them what’s happening but I don’t know who to call anymore.
I miss the people that I’d text and say life’s not good and in no time they’d be in my house and we’d be laughing in no time…

I went to the psychiatrist and got put on medication a couple days ago, but idk I’m just so down and out. And then I think about everything happening in the world and it makes it so much worst. I find myself constantly deleted fb and insta to get away from all the stuff happening around the world, but everytime I redownload it, it’s something new and something worst.

I just needed to vent cause this is all eating me alive and I don’t know who to go to anymore…

I have recently started talking to a person who I’ve know for about a year. We are friends and have been getting much closer since I had a break up a little over a month or so ago.

We have been chatting/hanging out more, I think we’ve been flirting with each other etc.

As of recently he’s been coming over, watching movies and occasionally spending the night, this has been going on for about a week and a half. While coming over we rough house/tickle each other and just chill. We cuddle and his hands get to wandering and stuff and yet he hasn’t even kissed me… so I made a mention in person that I thought it was weird that he’d try to explore between my legs without even kissing me first and he kind of shrugged it off and stopped what he was doing for a bit (my first red flag). He has spent the night once since then and again we do our regular routine, no kissing but everything else, gets a little handsy, I move my legs around to get his hand out of there and then off to start the day.

So naturally we text all the time, we see each other frequently out in regular daylight where everything is just normal and friendly as stuff is still pretty fresh and we don’t want our inner circle to know yet (he said he doesn’t care, I personally to some degree do because if nothing happens or things go sour then I don’t want it to be this big POI for conversation) so life can go back to normal if things don’t go any farther.

Well flash forward to last night, because I didn’t want to come to Reddit before doing the obvious first step of communicating because we are adults and should be able to express ourselves. In the midst of 1/3 conversations because we we’re talking on fb/ig/and text all different conversations, we were joking around and he messaged saying “well, I don’t recall you having a wiener” to which of course I jokingly say “I hide it well” followed by I’m joking, however since the implication was made of a scenario where I felt honestly (and rightly IMO) disrespected, I decided to send him this message.

“But also while we’re on the topic, I just wanted to be honest with you. I really don’t love the fact that you’ve been feeling around down there - well I do - but I also actually like you a fair bit (my apologies, and if you don’t feel the same I understand) and have a hard time confronting people sometimes when I feel like I’m in a vulnerable situation. I just wanted to be clear that while I much enjoy cuddling with you, and have no problem with you playing with my butt and stuff, I also don’t want to just fool around. I am very intentional when I allow people in my life and extremely picky with the people I give my time to, so I just wanted to be transparent with you about that. I don’t want you to feel awful about it or anything either, you didn’t know and I didn’t tell you at the moment as it’s something I have been working on, so I’m not upset about it or anything, I just wanted to be open with you”

Now I wanted to have this conversation in person with him, in a place that wasn’t my bed. However I know that if I wait to long, then I won’t say anything at all. I also don’t think at midnight this was a good conversation to try and start however because we had 3 full blown conversations happening I figured we are awake and talking about unproductive things, I might as well take a second and express myself thoughts and start setting up boundaries.

It’s been 8 hours, I’m about to get ready for work, and he stopped answering on everything. I was thinking maybe because it was midnight he was thinking okay it’s late I have work I’m not answering and will be going to bed before my message was able to send. But when I woke up his fb said active 5hrs ago. So I know he has seen it, at least part of it and is willingly ignoring it for reasons I just don’t understand.

What kind of reaction is justified here?

I am severely disappointed because he is massively respectful in any other way, and genuinely kind, funny and calming to be around. But this situation has given me such an ick and I am not sure if I should give him the benefit of the doubt and time to see how he handles this situation moving forward or if I should just let it all go and carry as nothing happened.

Any insight appreciated

TLDR, tried expressing boundaries around midnight and He scrolled fb instead of acknowledging my message, what is a justified reaction to this?