u/aria_gomery

So I'm f21 from Toronto and I can't get a bf it's made me depressed since I was 14 I always wanted a relationship but constantly gotten heart broken and I can't find a guy my age, from the time I was younger I met this guy who was a bit older but he was cute then I told him i have a crush on him but he said he was gay, then a guy from high school asked me to be his GF but my friend forced me to say no to him, and it made me upset then after that I tried getting a bf on dating apps but it was never going well, then when I was 19 I had another friend who was secretly hiding the fact he was gay and he told me he didnt have any feelings towards me and then I started crying and cutting myself, and then I cried for one year because I couldn't find love, so I tried to love myself instead and it didn't work, then I got told by a tarot reader that my first relationship will end badly and that I'll have to wait 10 years for another relationship, that made me tear up and I got so angry I started to cry, I just don't understand why does God prevent me from wanting to be in a relationship? Why, I even went to the gym and no man was approaching me and I started crying at the gym all because of that and idk if I'm actually ugly? Like is that why I can't be in a relationship? Like I'm really a good person and Im kind but no guy probably deserves my kindness because I've never been asked out and I'm having the thoughts of starving myself and not eating so I can be more desirable, but maybe one day I might find someone my age who will love me but if I don't I'll end my life

So I've been struggling with binge eating since I was 14 and I am now 21 , i always had this wierd pull towards food like it pulls me in no matter how much I try to stop myself, I used to be able to control myself until I felt my willpower went away from controling my Ed , I had no other choices but to keep eating and I tried going to the gym but I wasn't losing any weight, I kept gaining weight by eating and I always have this dream of wanting to be fit and beautiful and I realized it is achievable and the moment I try to bring my decpline back I failed again and started binging, Ive gotten blood work done but the doctor told me there's no signs of hormonal issues or pcos and that I'm completely fine even though I have chin hair and a terrible eating habit and body acne and discoloration, I tried to find ways to lose weight and everything I tried ended up in me binging again, and i have let myself go and my body, I feel like no longer care anymore because my eating is ou of control and idk if this has to do with something spiritual? Ive tried meditation but meditation wasn't the answer I've tried affirmations but affirmations weren't the answer, I tried exercising but that wasn't the answer and all that happens is me constantly messsing up my diet then I start to binge out of control and feeling forced to eat

So i was only 8 years old when I was on the computer searching sims stories back in 2011-2012 came across this very old video of sims story fallen angel then in the video it shows two emo boys one was black haired wearing grey clothes and the other guy was brunette emo then I remembered in the video a girl with fallen angel wings had vampire teeth then she starts to bite one of the guys and they either die or become a vampire is what I remember them I remember another girl who killed another person and they were a vampire in the sims 2 story or I think it was 1 but yeah this has definitely become lost media cause I can't find this story anywhere and it brings nostalgia to me from childhood on YouTube

So one year ago I experienced spiritual psychosis and then suddenly things were changing around my perception like i was seeing people as angels and demons until it went from seeing people as weird and not normal because they weren't acting normal and I remember doing too much meditation that it felt like dmt drug was being released in my brain, then I started to believe I shifted realities because people's behaviors started changing also I had mental breakdowns and I was suicidal but then suddenly I was heavy on dreaming, everyone started staring at me and I didnt understand why and I got scared thinking I did something bad to God and that i have to bring back earth and after talking to dangerous people on discord telling me to do spiritual dangerous things like remote viewing and controling reality and I was stuck in my bed for few days and I didnt know what was going on, then I realized something was off with my reality and I had to go to the hospital to get taken care of but when I went there I felt like things werent okay like I couldn't feel my body and the medication wasn't helping me, and then I started hearing voices and the voices would not leave me, i still feel triggered to some things like seeing another version of a person walking and I have bad anxiety, things haven't weared off tho , I went through a scary experience that no one has probably experienced because I saw things that someone else would literally go insane with