u/avocadoqueen_

We are going to PF in November for a long weekend. We have a 6 year old and our youngest will be 1 by the time we go. Looking for some family things to do around that time of the year. My daughter and I have been there with my family when she was 2, but we didn’t really do much.

I want to take the kids to Dollywood and the Ripley’s Aquarium. Is there anything that’s “worth it” or “must do” in your opinion?

This shit is HARD. I woke up entirely on the wrong side of the bed this morning, come out and look at our cluttered, disorganized home and just started (internally) raging.

My husband is diagnosed ADHD and prescribed Adderall, which he does NOT take daily. He thinks he only needs it for work, and I (his clinical therapist wife) have told him that he should most definitely take it daily given his issues with executive dysfunction. He says, and I quote, “I don’t need to be stimulated all day.” Oh okay…

My husband is currently in between jobs. He’s been off this week and has this upcoming week off as well before starting the new job. When he got home from his last day at the old job, he starts listing off all the things that will get accomplished while he’s home for the next two weeks. Has anything been done yet? I’ll give you a good guess… no. He will start a load of laundry, but then doesn’t finish it. He’ll walk by the same basket of clean laundry and then complain that we have clean clothes everywhere (okay, so do something about it?)

He needs to break down his WFH desk out of our room. It’s full of shit that he needs to go through but keeps pushing it off because he’d rather get lost in his fantasy baseball on his phone. We also need to put our son’s room together so we can move him out of our room but that has yet to be done. He says “it will get done” but only wants to do things on *his* time, which usually never gets accomplished, only pushed off over and over again.

I feel like I’m verbally raging just typing this out, but you get the point. I’m not even medicated but can lock in when I need to. When I start getting angry and “bitching”, then he gets angry and tells me I need to relax. No, I need you to step tf up, take your meds, and help me get this house in order so I CAN RELAX.

Then he gets mad and pouts when I don’t want sex. Well, maybe if the house was clean and laundry & dishes were done, I’d be more in the mood. I’ve told him COUNTLESS times that “chore play” is really a thing.

Okay… end of rant. Thank god I have therapy in an hour.

*ETA: we’ve been together over 11 years, married almost 9 years.*

It’s almost 4am and I’m wide awake. Replaying a very emotional conversation my husband and I had before bed last night.

I’m 8 months postpartum with our second. We also have a 6 year old. I also work full time, manage the home, and carry the mental load of everyone in the house. My husband works as an accountant and he is struggling. He was put on a PIP at work and has his follow up meeting this week. Naturally, he’s very nervous. If he loses his job, this will be the second lay off in under two years.

He got wine drunk last night and basically stated that he feels unloved and undesired because I’m hardly ever in the mood for sex. I told him point blank, “I do everything on top of working full time myself. I take care of everyone’s needs and neglect my own. You work all day in the office, then come home and go upstairs to work more, it’s like you’re always gone. I’m left alone with the kids all the time. I clean and then the house is destroyed the next day.”

I try to be understanding to his work stress but I’m also fucking pissed off that he says he doesn’t feel loved because I’m basically not fucking him enough. He thinks I just need to “get out of my head.” I do SO much with so little help. He said that he feels I’m friendzoning him. He said he feels shallow for being so needy. I don’t know how to make him understand that it’s not a lack of love or attraction. I am quite literally not the same person I was before we had children. My body and mind changed, rewired. I’m fucking exhausted all the time from carrying everything.

My husband and I relocated to Virginia from Connecticut upon his separation from the Navy in 2020. At the time, we just had our first born. We chose Virginia because it was good middle ground between our families (*kind of*). My folks are the closest and they’re still 1.5-2 hours away. Our relationship with them has been a struggle since moving closer (lots of drama when we first moved back), we only see them maybe once or twice a month as is. We hardly ever see my husband’s dad since he lives 2 hours away and his mom is 5 hours away. We have no village here. Our neighborhood doesn’t have a lot of children my daughter’s age and quite frankly there is nothing to do close by. We also have an 8 month old son now and we own our home. I do have my daughter involved in extracurriculars.

I would love to move back up north. We still have lots of friends in the area, there’s more to do. I WFH so I can literally take my job with me (I make 85k/year) and my husband’s job prospects would be better, especially being former military in a military town. I just feel so unfulfilled here. I feel like we are just living a constant day to day routine. I feel stuck. Socially, we are struggling. We went from a thriving community & social life, to basically shut ins who don’t do anything because everyone is already established here and making friends as adults in your 30s is so hard. It’s been 6 years and I have yet to feel settled. We’ve tried making friends. Work friends just are not the same. My husband is also very unhappy with his career here and the vibes just feel off. Like this is not where we are meant to be.

I almost have my husband on board but he is very hesitant with making big changes, especially with the nature of the housing market right now which I completely understand. Having lived in Connecticut, I am also very aware that the cost of living is more expensive. However, he misses living by water too and he knows the quality of life we had in our old town. The quality of life we could give our children.

Part of me feels guilty for wanting to take my kids 8 hours away from grandparents, yet they barely see them as is? I don’t know. I process this a lot in therapy. Just wondering if anyone has ever uprooted or moved back to a place that felt more like home? And how you dealt with uprooting your kids from grandparents?