u/backtonov

I don’t know if anyone has advice for this but the thought of opening my grade book makes me physically ill.

The thought of going to school the next day as well sends me into a bit of a panic. I feel judged although that makes no sense.

For a bit of context I have a chronic illness and lately I’ve just given up because everything hurts. I feel visible disappointment from others, but I literally can’t keep going. I just feel stuck.

Anyone have advice on this?

Every time I open this sub I see

- simple question
- response
—-> reply war dragging into multiple different conversations and counter arguments to infinity and beyond

I love this place

Am I overreacting here? Not sure what to do…

I’m a high school student who misses many days especially recently. It’s been getting beyond bad for me and my missed days are more than it’s ever been. Lately I’ve been trying not to overdo it in case I miss a whole week as a consequence or repeatedly puke and fall over after a day of school like I used to.

I try to be a high achiever and over do it at times. Recently I’ve missed many physics classes especially exam and quiz days but I usually try and make it up within the week. Kinda hard to study while… you guys get it no need to over explain thankfully. But to the point here though, my physics teacher I go up to him today to ask for an exam write tomorrow that I missed last Wednesday, and he goes “Yeah let’s talk about that..”

He goes on to say I need to “get it together” and get my missing days under control because I’m making life harder for him and all my teachers. That I get what you have “going on” but it has to stop. I try and say well I’m hoping with more stable weather I’ll be okay but he goes “well doesn’t light bother you?”. Maybe I’m overthinking it but I always wear sunglasses and it seemed kinda like he was mocking me. It’s not about the sun being out it’s about the barometric pressure changes but okay sir whatever you say. I say I understand and I leave.

As soon as I’m alone I just burst into tears. I don’t know what set me off so badly but it just confirmed that I’m a burden in everyone’s life. That no matter what I’m going through I’ll always just be dead weight no matter my want to succeed. It felt like a punch to the gut. And it’s going to hurt worse now because I fully burst out crying. Cried in front of my friends when they asked about it and I just feel so embarrassed. And weak. And like I’m this loser who keeps asking for help when I don’t deserve it or need it. How about how hard it is waking up in excruciating pain? And writing and reading and passing class? And doing well?

Sorry if I’m doing too much here I just hate this. Worse than just pain is having confirmation that no one is really on my side they’re just waiting until they don’t have to deal with me anymore. Doesn’t matter if I’m good or bad, overall I’m just a burden.

Edit: Forgot to add something that might be significant, it’s already registered within the school from my neurologist what I have going on and accommodations I’m allowed to have. Nobody has really bothered me until now and this weird standard I have to uphold for that class. I just feel stuck because I have I guess all the accommodations and treatments available to me right now but… I still feel horrible and I probably will for a while. So where do I go from here I feel trapped…