Is this an avoidant discard?
my ex and i broke up after about 3 months, starting in april, ending in july. He definitely seemed a little more into me at first than down the line, but I wouldn’t call it love bombing or anything-he was always a bit reserved. At the beginning though, he brought me a bottle of wine and packed a picnic for us in the park. He told me he was “smitten” with me, and definitely texted me more regularly. As time went on, he was still very much active and present when we hung out, but he did begin to text a little less consistently. He mentioned multiple times that he felt really depressed from his new job.
Oddly, I noticed that he wouldn’t let me meet his family, even though he lives with some of them. When I mentioned being upset about that, he was apologetic and told me he just had a “hang up” there, and to please be patient with him. He said part of it was that he’d never brought a girl home before, because he’d never really been in a serious relationship. (Red flag for some I know.) I told him that was okay for now, and I understood being anxious. but that at the three month mark, I wanted to meet them. He said okay. I also noticed that he had a hard time giving words of affirmation, and in fact, his humor could be a little mean. Nothing terrible, but it hurt my feelings, and I told him so. He apologized and explained that being mean is commonly how he shows affection with his friends and brothers (He didn’t use it as an excuse, just a reason.) He also brought up that he was a little unfamiliar with how to act in relationships, like he’d said before. I did see him trying to do better after the fact, and we came up with a way to express affection non verbally. (double hand squeeze means 💗.)
He also showed a lot of affection through acts of service. Getting me things, anticipating my needs, driving me places, etc. However, he still was not being consistent with his text/calling communication, sometimes letting me go a few days with no response and then apologizing because he “had been in a funk.” One time after one of these spells, I tried to act like I wasn’t upset, but he noticed I was sad, pulled the car over, and initiated a conversation about it, so I don’t think he’s always necessarily conflict averse.
The week before he broke up with me, we went out of town together for a weekend, which was really nice. When we got back, I didn’t hear from him for multiple days, but then he did a very sweet romantic gesture for me. Then, no word for three days again. When he finally called, I was mad. He apologized and told me he hadn’t been feeling good again. We met in person to talk, and told me that he thinks he’s struggling with depression for the first time in his life and that he’s not sure what to do about it, but that all of his friends have been telling him he’s not in a good place. This does make sense with how he’d been acting and what he’d been saying about his job. I told him it was okay, that I understood depression and wanted to help, but he told me he didn’t feel like he was able to pull his weight in the relationship and didn’t want to keep letting me down, no matter how much he tried not to. I asked him how he felt about breaking up with me, and he didn’t have any words other than “sad,” so I showed him the Emotion Wheel, (lol.) He laughed and it seemed to help him express himself a little. He named “relief” as a small emotion, but said mainly it was sadness, guilt, and regret. He mentioned that he wanted to get professional help because he could see his depression was affecting his relationships with other people as well. I asked him if he was avoidant, and he said that his friends (male friends btw) had told him he was, and wanted him to work on it. I was pretty upset, but we still parted on overall good terms. We both cried. I told him that if he was ever feeling better, he was welcome to reach out, but I wasn’t going to wait for him. He said okay. He also said I was welcome to reach out if I needed him.
I didn’t plan to take him up on that, but the breakup hit me harder than I expected, so I reached out a few days later asking him to call. He didn’t respond. A week after that, he called me, but I didn’t have my phone on me, so I missed it and called him right back. He didn’t pick up. A few months ago, I texted him that I was thinking about him. No response. Functionally, we haven’t spoken since the day we broke up. He doesn’t have any social media. I am really struggling with the breakup because I have never had a breakup where the day it happened was also the last day I spoke to the ex. Definitely feels shocking and abandoning.
I’m not asking what I should do, if I should get back together with him or anything like that. I’m just trying to figure out…is this a dismissive avoidant discard? (from the information provided, obviously there’s no way to know for sure)