u/beigers

Today I made the decision to finally leave my stylist. I no longer need color as I’ve chosen to embrace my 2 gray streaks and actually realized without all the warmth color was adding to my hair, the gray/silver against my dirty blond actually looks better than covering it up. I cut off the last of the hair that had previously been colored, so now my haircuts alone should cheaper to maintain than the $220 I was spending every 8 weeks. I might even start going to Supercuts after a friend recommended a decent stylist at our local one.

We fired the cleaner 3 months ago (none of them were worth what we were paying biweekly IMO) and now that my son is older and less messy, that’s actually been fine. The dusting/sweeping/vacuuming ultimately wasn’t making a huge difference in our lives when the bulk of the work for us is laundry, dishes, etc and the surfaces that were being cleaned get dirty faster than the biweekly visit anyway.

We no longer order take out - the shrinkflation has really started to hit our local food places in bad way and I’m not going to spend $90 per meal for 3 people to eat sub-par food a few times a week. If we really need something quick and have literally no options, we’ll Instacart a rotisserie chicken + prepared sides from our local grocery or stuff for charcuterie and it’s actually way cheaper than getting take out, comes just as quickly and tastes better.

What about you? What are you all doing to save money these days?

For the first time since the pandemic, my husband is now RTO for 2 days a week and he, at my request, chose the days that offset my own WFH days.

I’m on my second day of being completely alone. My Monday’s usually have zero work meetings unless it’s a large department meeting and my Tuesdays have only 1 meeting. I have a lot of work (easily 35 hours a week) but I’m thinking I’ll go in early and leave late on my in office days from now on or start working some evenings and really dig in on the Friday we’re both home, so that I can spend my Monday and Tuesday from 8:30-4:30 planning little relaxing activities for myself at home, and only answering work stuff for emergencies.

The idea would be that I would still get 35 hours of work done a week, but instead of just being glued to my computer for 2 entire days alone at home, I try to ward off some of my career ennui and crushing burnout by, I don’t know, crafting, working on a puzzle, luxuriating in a bath for a few hours here and there. Again, the work would still get done on other days, I just really want to maximize my first stretches of real alone time in nearly a decade.

Thoughts? Am I nuts? Does anyone do this? Tips? My only thought is that even if I, say, read in a hammock in the backyard, I won’t leave my house entirely in case a real work emergency comes up (these are extremely rare though.)

This has nothing to do with being a mom but more about maybe my own attention span/personality issues? I’m in my 40s now and this is career #2.5 (similar to my 2nd career but a huge change of industry that’s kind of its own thing.)

I’m just over it. I don’t like the other people I tend to meet in my industry as it tends to attract certain personality types. I was enthusiastic and knowledgable enough at the start of my career to go from assistant level to Director level in 7 years. I did so much PD and training when I first started but sometime during Covid, I just stopped caring and it just hasn’t gotten better. I still go to conferences occasionally or jump on a webinar but I spend most of the time in these professional development sessions just wishing I could just leave.

The past 4 years, I’ve watched as people I manage and people I’ve managed dive deep into the work, move up the chain at other orgs. Some of them outrank me at other orgs now and I’m legitimately happy for them and am not jealous of their success - if I’m jealous of anything, it’s of how much they seem to still enjoy the work. I’ve tried poking around my industry to see if I can find a niche I enjoy more, and I haven’t found anything that really sparks my motivation.

So here I am now, early 40s, and not really sure what to do next. I feel like 20 years ago, I could have just stagnated until I retired, kept just up to date enough to not be completely outdated and it would have been fine at 80% of workplaces. But with AI, and the economy, I feel like I still need to feign excitement and make sure I share an article or study every couple of months to my department or keep my LinkedIn that my coworkers see updated.

Anyone else feel this way? Can I really fake this for the next 30 years (if I’m lucky, ugh)? I keep thinking I should save a nest egg, quit my job, and open, like, an ice cream/coffee shop, because AI isn’t going to replace ice cream and at least then I don’t have to ever go on LinkedIn again.

They knew my name, my employer and my 403b distributor. I let it go to voicemail and they left a message saying they were calling from Voya, were concerned about the financial health of my account and especially my lack of beneficiary listed.

Logged into my Voya account and, just as I thought, my husband was listed. Googled the phone number and it’s not a business number for Voya but a personal phone number for a very Google-able couple (maybe their phone number is being spoofed?) who seem like upstanding citizens based on a quick search. Neither, from what I gather, works for Voya so it’s not a case of someone working from home. Should I call Voya directly at this point? Change my passwords, etc.?

I manage someone who is not competent at their job and have always acted as a conduit between them and senior management as needed on projects, so I had the opportunity to fix the issues before they were presented. My boss has been aware of how much I’ve had to edit and direct on a micro level just on basic things like this person’s emails to clients, upper management, etc but in the past it was just me explaining how I had to do it - she never saw this person “in action.”

Due to my own lack of time to micromanage, a family crisis that has taken me out of work last minute a few times this month and them now working on a high visibility project (it’s a long story how they ended up in charge of the project, but my boss thought it was the right call, so I went with it.) It involves coordination with senior management and I’ve made the decision that I will be as hands off as possible on this exchange other than providing feedback when requested so others have more insight on how this person operates. It’s important to me for my boss to actually see the kind of judgement calls this person will make independently and also see the quality of their communication skills without my constant coaching and editing behind the scenes.

Have you done this before? Will it likely backfire? Full disclosure that I have another job that I am in the late stage of interviewing for, so I am admittedly also running out of steam when it comes to truly giving a shit and am feeling open to taking more risk here and protecting my own time/energy more.

I have an employee who just will not take responsibility for communication issues - whether it’s information they’ve forgotten, information they claim they were never given, information they feel was unclear to them, etc. Previously they would blame other colleagues and our department head who they worked more closely with on a few projects, but lately we’ve had to work closely together on a project and now I’m the one it’s directed towards. I’m also their manager, it’s just a quirk of our work that we didn’t have to work so closely together previously.

I’ve moved to communicating with this person mostly in writing on sensitive items or always following up from a conversation with writing because it feels like they take advantage of verbal 1:1s when I communicate information or answer questions to say I never said something and I’d have to act like a court stenographer to capture every tiny detail from our 1:1s otherwise. Our culture is not to record meetings and many of our meetings are mostly in-person anyway rather than being on Zoom.

Now that I’ve got more written backup, when they say something like “sorry, but you didn’t tell me X” or imply I withheld information that kept a process from moving along, if I resend an email or copy and paste a message I sent earlier, instead of them just saying “sorry, I was anxious to get the task done and overlooked that detail, I will be more careful in the future” or even just a simple “you’re right, sorry” they either go completely silent and ignore it or have started to express in 1:1s that it feels like I am nitpicking and attacking them for pointing out I did in fact already give them certain information in our written comms.

I will admit that a year ago, I was much softer in how I reminded them about something they missed and probably appeared more laid back about small errors. However, as they’ve started to turn it around to blame me, I’ve become much more short and direct (but still professional) with them as in every single instance of this happening where I have proof where I can basically cover my own ass.

So two questions:

1. I have influence over their goals for next year and can create a goal to address this but am not 100% certain how to frame it around a SMART goal. PIPs need to piggy back off of mid-year or end of year reviews where a goal is not being met. “Difficult personality” isn’t enough with our HR department. I am thinking I can frame a goal around efficient work and completing projects and tasks within a timely manner and define the expectations for what is considered timely for each main task as much of the “blame game” stuff results in them working much more slowly. Usually what prompts putting the blame elsewhere (including on me) is when I point out that a task is taking too long.

2. Aside from finding a way to document this, how do I coach around this in a 1:1? I struggle to coach around issues like this because it feels like it’s a challenge for it to not feel extremely personal and if you’re dealing with someone immature, they’re going to feel attacked no matter how you phrase it or frame it.

Edit: Title should say “management challenges”

I’ve miraculously managed to line up 3 different interviews for IC roles in my industry in the next week or so despite the general employment landscape being horrible and my own industry’s landscape being more cutthroat than in recent years. One of them even pays more than I’m currently earning as a manager.

Part of why I’m leaving my role, candidly, is that managing at this organization is that several members of my team have pre-existing mental health issues that impact their performance, as well as requiring multiple leaves, which our organization is very generous around. Regardless of this leaves, these employees struggle to perform the minimum work required. A single bad news headline will send this team into a spiral. Before the trolls say “you’re the reason” - no, I assure you, I am not. There were reputations on my team that absolutely preceded me.

Our HR policy is extremely generous. I have also had my hands tied around putting some people on a PIP due to connections within the org, concerns about lawsuits, etc., which then kneecaps my entire teams performance which I am still held 100% accountable for. I found out 3 months into my job that one direct report actually sued the manager of their previous org personally after being terminated. I am terrified to discipline yet am held accountable for results. HR has similar fears and have left me alone in this gray zone. I can’t get any of my own work done due to all the work I have managing certain team members and needing to take on their workloads as well.

How do I frame why I’m leaving management? I know that I must focus on the positives and not overexplain the negatives. Any guidance would be helpful.

I have a phone screen scheduled for a non-managerial job and even though it’s just a phone screen, it’s been a bit of a catalyst for me to consider that I truly have no desire to continue working as a manager. I’m reflecting on the pros and cons and I honestly think that even if this phone screen goes nowhere, I’m ready to start actively figuring out how I’ll transition out of a leadership position.

Very curious to hear from others who made the transition back to a non-management role. The position in question is more of a high level specialist job - technically even pays more than my manager job (but with worse benefits, so it’s a bit of a wash or even a step down.)

Not necessary to read, but my pro-con list below if it’s helpful context and you can relate to it/have any advice:

Pros:

I genuinely like helping to coach/teach people

I like having a bird’s eye view of a department and access to org-wide information beyond what others may have access to and I genuinely believe that with my learning style (I’m a big picture “scaffolder”) it makes me better at my individual work, not just my management work.

I like not being micromanaged and people trusting me with my time. In my experience, Directors and VPs are so busy that they’re often hands off. I know from experience that I tend to hate being managed by line managers and that they tend to be moodier in general.

Cons:

I can’t control another human. Humans are going to do what humans are going to do and having my livelihood tied to an unpredictable person and their personal set of circumstances is massively anxiety inducing, despite all the pathways available to me (PIPs, reviews, HR, metrics) that could help me manage them out or keep a close eye on their work.

I hate the politics. I can do it and feel like a slimeball or I can half-ass it and put myself and my team in danger.

I don’t follow unethical orders. I just don’t. I’d rather claim I was incompetent and misunderstood the order and be able to sleep at night. So far this strategy hasn’t backfired, but it will one day and when asked to follow those orders and show proof, I know I’ll have to put my livelihood on the line and that gives me anxiety because what if it comes at a particularly inopportune time?

I’m better now than I was at the beginning of my career at not playing therapist, but you can’t unrun it all - mental health will effect your employees in some way, eventually, and whether you’re helping them balance their work with out of office time or being willing listen to their explanations for why they’re out, you’ll eventually learn things you can’t not hold for them or react like a human to. They’ll call or text you at any hour when something bad happens because they want to do their due diligence, even when you’ve said over and over again to please wait for Monday morning as you work in a white collar office without any need for coverage. Still, no matter how many times you say it, being a manager means getting those calls, whether you’re personally in a good mental place or not, or if the timing is inconvenient because the last thing an employee needs when their dad just died and they’re devastated is to also worry that they’ll be in trouble if they wait until Monday morning to tell you they’ll be missing work or maybe in their grief they just forgot or maybe they’re lonely and you’re actually the only one in their life they could tell.

Time and work life balance - I have an elementary aged kid and things will come up that you can’t ignore because that’s why they pay you the medium bucks. Even under micromanagers, I have still always had better work life balance at the lower ranks of the hierarchy than where I am today.