u/belugawuga

Tl:dr

For years, since I started dating, I've realized I use men as a coping mechanism to my insecurity. I've gotten into a point where I'm very self-aware that what I'm doing is wrong but each time I think I've healed and faced the issue head on and I mean podcasts, meditation, journaling, all of it.

It used to be about my looks, but since I moved schools my sophomore year, it felt impossible for me to say no to people. I got into subs\*ances and got involved with guys who really didn't treat me right. I've been in this continuous cycle of insecurity and the more I did stuff like messing around and not cutting people off ppl that didn't treat me right put me in the spiral of shame. Like something would go wrong with a guy and then it would make me feel more insecure than before and then I would fix that with another guy.

In the end, I'm so ashamed of everything that I've done and how much I've changed since I moved to schools. I don't want to regret it because there's nothing I can do now but I really do feel like I'm trying to change and I just hate the idea of me changing and being stuck in discontinuous loop because my school is just full of people with no ambition and just want s\*x and dr\*gs.

I'm just not happy here anymore, but since it's close and convenient, I'm able to be more involved in school. so I guess the question is do I stay at my current school that is convenient even if I'm unhappy? I don't wanna be here because it's too accessible for me to do bad things and I wish I had the self-respect to not but that's my honest truth

I was thinking about moving back to my old school. The only thing is that it's 12 miles away from my house. I don't wanna burden my mom that badly. I was thinking about taking the bus or something.? I just really wanna try it out but it really is inconvenient but I went to the other school and I wasn't like that when I was over there cause people there just aren't like that and I'm still close with a lot of people there, but should I just suck it up and stay here?

For years, since I started dating, I've realized I use men as a coping mechanism to my insecurity. I've gotten into a point where I'm very self-aware that what I'm doing is wrong but each time I think I've healed and faced the issue head on and I mean podcasts, meditation, journaling, all of it.

It used to be about my looks, but since I moved schools my sophomore year, it felt impossible for me to say no to people. I got into subs*ances and got involved with guys who really didn't treat me right. I've been in this continuous cycle of insecurity and the more I did stuff like messing around and not cutting people off ppl that didn't treat me right put me in the spiral of shame. Like something would go wrong with a guy and then it would make me feel more insecure than before and then I would fix that with another guy.

In the end, I'm so ashamed of everything that I've done and how much I've changed since I moved to schools. I don't want to regret it because there's nothing I can do now but I really do feel like I'm trying to change and I just hate the idea of me changing and being stuck in discontinuous loop because my school is just full of people with no ambition and just want s*x and dr*gs.

I'm just not happy here anymore, but since it's close and convenient, I'm able to be more involved in school. so I guess the question is do I stay at my current school that is convenient even if I'm unhappy? I don't wanna be here because it's too accessible for me to do bad things and I wish I had the self-respect to not but that's my honest truth

I was thinking about moving back to my old school. The only thing is that it's 12 miles away from my house. I don't wanna burden my mom that badly. I was thinking about taking the bus or something.? I just really wanna try it out but it really is inconvenient but I went to the other school and I wasn't like that when I was over there cause people there just aren't like that and I'm still close with a lot of people there, but should I just suck it up and stay here??

TLDR I’m an upcoming senior in high school, and an aspiring filmmaker and actress. I went to my other school from second grade up until the beginning of sophomore year. I had actually lived closer to the school I’m at now, but went to my other one as an out of district transfer.

so first. let’s go over the pros and cons.

The current school I’m at now has given me many opportunities in terms of film and acting. I’ve been very involved and got in many awards since I came to the school. This is a lower class area so the bar is pretty low. Most students here have really bad work ethic and don’t care about school, which has caused the teachers to be pretty lazy. I talked to my GPA but I wanna go to college and I want to save money by taking AP classes but I feel like I’m never well enough prepared for exams. But the good thing is I’m closer. I also have been having problems with my friends for a while. I wish I could say I was self disciplined enough to study and took advantage of how easy this school district is, but I’m not. I constantly get in situations where I’m able to do bad things and I always end up taking it. To an extent, I’m glad because I learned a lot, but I hate the fact that I’ve grown as a person and I’m still in the same environment. I was whenever I was such a mess and making all of these bad decisions. My friends don’t really have passion for anything nor a good work ethic and I just feel like I outgrew them. No shade to them at all.

The good thing about my other school is that I stayed close with most of them and I’m still compatible with them and the school district is a little tougher, but I feel like that’s beneficial since I’m about to be going to college. The problem is if I go there, I won’t be able to do any extracurriculars because it’s far.

I’m still gonna stay at my current school for the first two months to do the musical, but I was thinking I go to my other school for two months just to try it? Especially since it’s applying for colleges and stuff I want to be around people who I can trust her read my essays and stuff like that but at the same time there’s still opportunity for me here if I take it, so should I suck it up and just stay here or try it out on my other school again?