u/big-buddha-belly

When we dated I was constantly trying to reassure her that our friends liked her. She constantly thought everyone hated her and I spent a lot of time comforting her and at times I had to take her home early from friend group hangouts because she was feeling so anxious.

She has now become “besties” with the friend group out of nowhere and is now telling everyone that her and I were not actually that serious and she doesn’t know why I’m taking it so hard 🧐 I wasn’t perfect in the relationship, no one is, but all I did was support her, try to make her happy, and even after the breakup I’ve been nothing but cordial with her in the three times we spoke, no arguments or resentment.

But now she can go fuck herself. I’ve now moved on from the “I still care about you phase” to the “holy fuck, I hope people eventually see the real you” phase

Met someone organically back in late October of last year. Normally I stick to dating apps but me and this person met and clicked instantly, my friends would even say “the way yall look at each other is amazing to watch” and I felt that too. I have ADHD and social anxiety and holding eye contact can be a struggle for me, but I never stopped holding eye contact with her the entire time we dated. We would have morning music sessions where I would play guitar and she would sing, we clocked 377 hours in Minecraft, we gamed together every single day for 4 straight months.

We also had stupid arguments. I started some, she started others. She was also highly critical of me, some criticisms were valid, others were hurtful, like things out of my control such as the bald spot on my head or my legs not being big enough to other things I’d rather not repeat. These didn’t make me feel great but to me the good times and comfort I had with her outweighed the critical comments.

Then came my birthday. She treated me to a 350$ dinner and it was absolutely amazing. I had been working on my issues with being argumentative in therapy and this was basically “day 1” of new me, which was essentially don’t sweat the small stuff, no stupid arguments, and just enjoy this person you fell for when she sang to you in the car for the first time.

She then went ghost for an entire week the day after my birthday except for very short responses to a couple of my check-in texts. For the first time in 4 months we went days without speaking. She’s an avoidant and I just let her have her space before finally asking to talk. She ended things. Said we weren’t compatible long term.

I’ve been devastated since. I can’t understand how someone who built a daily routine with me could just leave like a flip of a switch with zero warning or clues that it was going to happen. I had zero opportunity to talk through her concerns and come up with a way to repair them together.

I also feel so stupid, this was only 4 months. How can I be in so deep with someone I was with for only 4 months? To top it off, she wants to be friends. I declined. Unfortunately we share a friend group, so not only have I lost her but I have lost my support group because they aren’t going to choose between us and nor should they. I miss her, I never wanted something to work with someone so bad in my entire life. But she’s gone, not coming back, and everyone tells me I’ve dodged a bullet. Just wish I could see that way.