u/bitterbetterbitch

Does anyone else constantly see comments online about how white people (mostly just white women because misogyny) age just soooo terribly? It’s just so mean.

Honestly these comments have made me want to end my life at 29. I know I have white privilege in many many other ways, but with body dysmorphia that has gotten exponentially worse since noticing aging start, I really would rather not be white. I don’t want to look in the mirror and see my face aging. I don’t want to feel like POC in my age group are all laughing at me, whether to my face or in their head or behind my back.

How do you deal if this applies to you?

Please don’t come in the comments and say that I should suck it up because I’m white/privileged. This is the body dysmorphia sub. These comments have very much affected me.

I’m in my late 20s and I have premature wrinkles above my upper lip from smoking for a decade.
I want them gone and I scheduled a consultation at a reputable office near me.

The receptionist asked how I old I was and said I might be too young for the doctor to do anything. I asked why and she said “he can’t go deep enough with the peel because there’s not enough (wrinkles) there”.

This seems really odd to me and wouldn’t my age be a good thing (heal faster, less wrinkles = more likely to be successful)?

I got diagnosed at 28. As I’m about to be 30, I’m looking back on most of my later teens and 20s as this cringe-fest of a staggering lack of self-awareness.

There’s the classic responding to people’s stories/problems by relating it to you, even if you meant well.
But I feel it goes deeper than that.

One of my exes (when we started talking again after the initial breakup) said I made our fallout all about me and my hurt and that that was very unattractive.
Another ex said I thought I was the only one who went through bad stuff.

Recently a long-term friend said I reacted badly to what was only the second time she’s brought up feeling hurt by me (which tbf she brought up after I first brought up something I was hurt by, but maybe I’m just repeating the same patterns by qualifying this).

I’ve also been accused of “needing to be right,” that I take things negatively/see the worst in things, and am “a difficult person.”

I do genuinely feel bad about some of things I’ve said and done and have given multiple specific apologies, but I’m left with this feeling that I’m a fundamentally terrible and borderline evil person. And that feeling just seems to reinforce multiple of the comments I just listed (that I make things about my hurt and see the worst in things).

I think RSD has been the most debilitating aspect of adhd for me and it’s tainted a lot of relationships. And my reaction to perceived or actual slight often just makes things worse and actually often does ruin things, which triggers my RSD even more.

In my early 20s, I didn’t really think about this stuff.
I really didn’t know I was so different until other people told me. I’ve been told I seem like I’m unapologetically myself, that I’m the most genuine person they’ve ever met, that they’ve never met anyone like me, and more. And now I don’t know if those were compliments or insults or maybe meant to try to make me reflect.

Where do I go from here? I haven’t ever meant to be a bad person, but I’ve gotten so much feedback telling me I’m some version of wrong. And I don’t want to continually victimize myself, but I also don’t want to swing in the opposite direction and start thinking everyone else is right and I need to shrink myself to always be accommodating and easy-going at my own expense.

Thoughts, advice, and ways you can relate (or don’t!) are all welcome.

Curious if anyone has any song recommendations that are uplifting or lessen the pain of this disorder?

I was inspired by seeing someone mention the lyrics of Evolve by Ani DiFranco: “It took me too long to realize that I don't take good pictures cuz I have the kind of beauty that moves.”

A song I absolutely love is Incomprehensible by Big Thief. It may have the most personally impactful line I’ve ever read: “How can beauty that is living be anything but true?”
The song also has other lines about body image and aging. I highly recommend.