u/blablablabkstrystuf

I'm a 23 year old trans FtM and I've only ever been sexually attracted to women(as far as I can tell). I am now on HRT and can pass as a cis man on a good day.

I was raised in a religious Christian household and my father is a pastor, that among other things had lead me to repress my true self. I was more of a tomboy in high-school and because I was afraid my family would disown me for being attracted to girls, I'd date boys or say I had a crush on one just to have proof that I was "normal".

At 14 I met this guy at school because of our mutual interest in Anime and Manga. He was a year older than me. We hit it off as friends quickly and despite being in different year levels and classes we'd find time to hangout and talk about Anime we watched that week. My younger self thought he was a really odd boy, in a good kind of way. I thought he was cool and interesting. So, when he asked me to go to prom with him, I said yes. Our dynamic tho never really felt... normal? Our friends would always say something like how I'm more of a boy and he's more like a girl when we're together. That alone gave me immense gender euphoria.

I didn't feel like i had to pretend around him and I confided with him about how I didn't really feel like I was in the right body. In turn, he told me about his somewhat secret "persona". He didn't have any social media account as himself, but what he did have was an FB account as a crossdresser with a girl name and everything. He didn't show me the pictures of himself cross dressing because he felt that would be too vulnerable, be he showed me some makeup, outfits and wigs he'd bought for crossdressing. It made sense to me that he'd be interested in that because he'd recommend me a lot of anime with male characters who crossdresses. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme with him.

I forgot to mention that we progressed from beings friends to him admitting he was interested in me and I'd just let it happen coz what else was I supposed to do? We weren't dating but it was a close thing. Anyways here comes the nsfw part. At some point prom was over and he was graduating jr high and probably would be leaving our small town. We'd text almost every day on summer and it led to like some Phone sex or whatever. I'd just roll with it but I wasn't really interested... Not until he'd say shit like he wanted my dick inside him. Sometimes he'd send a long message about how he's wearing a skirt and how much he'd like me to fuck him while wearing it. At this point I HADN'T EVEN REALIZED I WAS TRANS YET. As far as I knew, i was just a girl who hated herself for having a body that meant she can't be with other girls.

I found myself being into this, whatever it even was. It confused the heck out of me because he'd say things like he'd spread he's legs like a girl for me. It didn't even matter that I had imagined him exactly the way he was, in a mini skirt, badly applied wig, flat chest, and a dick under there. Just the thought that I was a man in this scenario he thought up made me actually aroused.

I didn't know how to deal with my own emotions at that time but it bothered me that I allowed myself to feel the way I did. So I cut him off. I sent him a text about never contacting me again and how he was weird and that it was stupid for him to assume I would actually be interested in his oddities. I said some mean things about him probably being gay and judging him for his effeminate interests. That part I regret the most.

I never heard from him again, aside from that one time his mom tried to reach out to me. Now I'm 23 and I've only dated women ever since. I came out as trans at 20, before that everyone just assumed I was a lesbian. But anyone I know after jr high would never believe I used to date boys.

Sometimes at night I'd wonder where he is now and if he still remembers me and what I said. I wish I could apologize for that. I also wonder how he'd react to me being trans now, thank him for planting that seed of curiosity in my head. I did try to search him on social media but I've long since forgotten his surname and even if he has a unique name I don't think he's using that one since it won't show up anywhere. Or maybe he's had me blocked which I won't fault him for doing.

I've been on Testosterone for a month now, no body told me I was gonna be constantly sick, Is this normal?

It's not alarming by any means. It's just that I used to hardly get sick at all but after being on T it's as if I get a cold, a cough or a fever every week. I'll recover from one and after a few days I'll feel a little sick again. If you've experienced this, how long did it lasted for you?