u/bookish0378

We spent 10k on a septic repair four months ago. That “fix” did fuck all. Woke up with every water source in the house causing septic water to back up into our basement.

$8,800 gone today to reroute the septic line.

Did I mention husband and I are flying out in 72 hours? First vacation in over a year since our son was born.

I’m fucking exhausted.

My life is a cluster, pure survival mode.

Daycare called this morning, my one year old puked twice and needed picked up. I tried calling my husband, no answer. Texted. No answer. He works from home right by daycare. I’m all out of sick time and he and I are about to leave on a 10 day vacation next week. So I can’t use my PTO. What’s left is for this trip.

Quickly run out of the office, pick my son up, drop him off at home. My husband was all confused - all I said was check your phone before I was out the door. I’m back at work. But our capacity is SO insane right now. I can’t keep up no matter how hard I try.

Our son hasn’t slept through the night in two nights (probably coming down with whatever bug this is). So I haven’t either. He can’t return to daycare for at least 24 hours. My husband took the day off yesterday because he was tired. That pissed me off. I’m tired too.

My house is a mess. Laundry, random shit everywhere. Toys, dog hair, dishes. I can’t keep up. I’m overstimulated and my own house is making it worse. I come home from work and do chores and am mom.

I can’t tell if I’m depressed or so perpetually burnt out these past few weeks. I feel so sad. I feel like I’m failing in every aspect of my life currently. Wife, mom, work, friend.

I need a break. I just need a fucking break. I want to yell. I want to just sit somewhere in silence. We have this trip coming up and I need to pack, I need to get my son prepared to stay with our in-laws. I have done all the planning. I’ve asked my husband to reserve our rental car for days now and it still isn’t done.

I have this never ending mental list of shit to do.

I can’t keep up with being a mom, wife, corporate employee, and taking care of my home. I now have to go home and sanitize my house and pray to god my husband or I get sick before this vacation I’ve planned. I need a break and I’m going to be so pissed if a stomach bug ruins it.

I’m in my office looking at my task list and all I want to do is lie down and cry. I miss the days when I could do that, but there isn’t even time for that.

I’m sorry for the ramble, I don’t have anyone to ramble to without sounding like a raging ungrateful bitch.

It was a really tough weekend.

On Friday my husband left for 24 hours to attend my brother’s bachelor party. I think our one year old knew dad wasn’t home. He seemed anxious and had such a hard time going down Saturday night. I spent hours soothing and trying to get him down all by myself. He was so upset he was refusing to nurse which isn’t like him. He just wouldn’t sleep or calm down. Ended up putting on Tarzan and crying as I snuggled him on the couch. He finally went to sleep.

I called my parents just wanting to hear another voice. I cried. My mom just laughed and said things like “welcome to motherhood.” Nothing to help. I eventually ended the call, it wasn’t the most helpful support.

I felt like a really shit mom. I cried so much over the weekend.

Then, last night, it happened again. Husband was finally home, but exhausted from the weekend. Baby seemed anxious again and cried whenever I’d leave his room. Spent about an hour trying to soothe him. He only wanted me. I sat in the nursery until 1am, hardly able to keep my eyes open. I started feeling mad because my husband was soundly asleep in the other room. It wasn’t him my son wanted. My son curled into me and finally slept. The second I transferred him to his crib he began to scream all over again.

I started feeling like I had a panic attack coming on. Felt so inept.

Being exhausted, I picked him up and carried him to our room. We don’t cosleep, my husband is super against it. But I was so desperate to sleep and didn’t know any other way. The second I came into our room my husband started to tell me no.

So I told him “I don’t care what you want to do, go sleep on the couch. I’m exhausted and have to be up in a few hours to get around for work. You have a remote job and get to roll out of bed and sign on. You get to take a nap in bed on your lunch. I don’t. Figure it out or help me.”

He took our son from the bed who immediately reached for me and began to cry.

I yelled “what is it that you want!?” The second I did I felt so horrible. I’ve never done that before.

I was so exhausted and felt like a terrible mom. A terrible wife.

After that my husband walked out of the room with our son and I guess they sat on the couch together for an hour or so before baby fell asleep.

This morning I felt so embarrassed… I apologized to both my husband and baby for my behavior last night.

But I was so exhausted, still am. I love my husband but…. It seems so easy being the dad. So easy.

I sometimes feel really lonely being the mom.

Coming up on one year postpartum with my first. I’ve been breastfeeding during this time, pumping while at work.

I dropped all pumps and now only breastfeed twice a day about two weeks ago.

I’m so miserable. The night sweats are back, chills, fatigue. My eczema is flaring up. I’m irritable. So anxious that it doesn’t feel like my dose of Zoloft is helping much anymore.

I feel like I’m early postpartum all over again.

Found the physical symptoms of weaning described as weaning flu and I get it, perfect way to describe it.

Any tips on how to survive the weaning weeks? I just want to crawl into bed and cry it out today.

That’s it, that’s the post.

Almost one year postpartum. We’ve been slowly weaning. I stopped pumping at work two weeks ago and now only breastfeed in the morning and before bedtime.

I’ve been living in nursing bras since my second trimester. Lately I’ve been feeling so frumpy. Wondered yesterday if any of my pre-baby bras would fit. Two fit!

Wearing one today and able to wear a top that hasn’t looked quite right with a nursing bra. Confidence boost ✨

This season of life is really (really) hard. I love being a mom. Seriously, genuinely, it’s amazing. My son is the light of my life. He’s incredible. He’s 10 months old and thriving.

The last week has been really challenging. He had a bad cold for a few days. Then he got better, but now he won’t sleep. For the last two nights he’s been up every hour. I’ve been nursing nonstop. All he wants is to be held. I think I’ve slept 5ish hours or so combined between last night and the night before. He went from sleeping through the night for the past couple months to not sleeping at all. I’m starting to dread the sun going down again.

He’s screamed and cried every morning when we drop him off at daycare. It hurts my heart so much. But today I didn’t feel so bad dropping him off (especially after last night). I just need a break. I feel so guilty about that.

I work full time in the corporate world, as does my husband. I’m just so exhausted and stressed.

I feel like we don’t have a support system. I shared with my mom how exhausted and stressed I was over the weekend and wasn’t given much sympathy or advice. Same with my in laws.

My husband leaves Wednesday to go on an annual guys trip to a lake house. I’m going to be alone Wednesday- Friday with my son. My husband has made it pretty clear he’s not going to miss this trip for anything so I haven’t shared how anxious I am. I get it, it’s something they’ve done annually for years. At the same time, I don’t get to step away and haven’t since I was pregnant. I’m a little annoyed about it and feel guilty that I am.

It’s the first time I’ll have baby alone at night and I’m actually freaking out. It’s already been SO hard overnight the past few nights with my husbands help. I don’t know how the hell I’m going to do this alone. I’m scared my son won’t sleep. Then I won’t sleep. Then I’ll have to get myself around for work and him around for daycare all alone. Nights are already so lonely when up with a baby and I’ll actually be alone. The thought fills me with a lot of dread.

My husband gets to go get drunk and float on the lake with his buddies for a few days 4 hours away. I get to panic and feel more alone than I already feel.

I know it won’t be that bad… but I’m at my office having no willpower to get work done and just feel like I’m on the verge of crying and panicking.

This is really hard. I just want to sleep.

Fuck this house!

We dropped 10k two months ago on a septic system repair. This morning our AC went out. Hoping to god it won’t be more than a couple thousand. Hopefully getting an emergency repair out here soon.

I’m in the Midwest, it’s hot. Our house is already at 78 degrees.

My 10 month old is napping comfortably with a box fan blowing on him but he’s getting over a cold and I feel so bad for the little guy.

My husband and I are stressed. We’ve been bickering all afternoon.

I had promised my mom we’d book our flights and hotel for my brother’s upcoming destination wedding by today. Brother and SIL are anxious because no one has yet though the deadline to do so is mid-September. I texted her saying we would book in a week or two once we know the cost of this.

She immediately called me giving me a hard time. Like - do YOU have the $$$$ to book 1k in airline tickets tonight and cover the cost of our son’s daycare payment of $1,400 next week so that we can pay upfront for this AC repair so your grandson can sleep comfortably????

Thankfully we have the means and a good emergency fund for when our house gives us the middle finger it just sucks. Just really sucks.

Going to treat myself to a crisp, cold glass of Pinot and a ritters bar when I sit my sweating ass down on the couch to watch house of the dragon tonight.

I’m tired! Stressed!

Just speaking into the void this morning. I’m home from work with a sick baby and deep in thought (anxiety spiral).

A couple months ago I made a (https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/5c6G77B5nN) regarding a pretty fucked thing my SIL said freshly postpartum.

A couple weeks after I made that post my brother called me. He sounded anxious, wanted to make sure he and I were okay. He and SIL had started couples counseling, at her request, due to her concern of “family dynamics.”

Some context: I’m the eldest daughter. Growing up, my parents were narcissistic alcoholics. They still are. I had to learn to be independent very early on while also learning to navigate the emotions from family members in my house. I’ve been in therapy for years to learn healthy boundary setting. I moved a few hours from family and established my home with a great husband. I’m thriving and super proud! But since moving away my family has given me a hard time, especially around holidays, about being too far away. I visit, but only for a couple hours at a time.

Brother was worried he and I were growing apart. I assured him that we were okay, always. Just two adults in two different cities living busy lives. That was okay, normal, and healthy. No matter what, I was in he and SIL’s corner and a phone call away. I told him I was proud of him and her. It was a great conversation and he let me know he felt better.

A couple hours later SIL texted me saying she wanted to call as she and my brother disagreed on a couple things…. Okay.

She called and I’ll admit I laid into her. I yelled, I’m embarrassed. But she opened the call with “I’m not happy with our relationship.” Roughly once or twice a year she’ll reach out to me with a one sided performance review about things I’m doing wrong. Usually in a massive text. This time around, said she was upset because she was hoping we’d be close like sisters but I never reach out to her to talk to her or ask her questions about her life. That she doesn’t have many friends and was hoping we would be close.

I explained to her that the more and more she comes to me with these laundry lists and performance reviews the less I wish to reach out to her. The issues she usually has with me are how I communicate. I don’t answer texts right away, I don’t ask her questions, I small talk, she doesn’t like my boundaries, ect. I have never done anything directly to harm or insult her to warrant these types of confrontations. She truly can’t stand my personality and boundaries and demands (yes demands) I change. These conversations can be really intense and draining.

I brought up her comment to me made shortly postpartum (story linked above). Though she has apologized it doesn’t make that hurt any less. I told her at this time our relationship is cordial. It’ll take time for the relationship to heal. I ask that she needs to allow time for this to happen.

I asked her what it was she needed from me to feel better about the relationship. She couldn’t tell me. Just started saying how my brother doesn’t feel close to me (though he didn’t say so when I spoke to him a few hours earlier). The conversation ended when she began critiquing how I talk. Apparently I say “yeah” and “uh huh” a lot when in a conversation. Give me a fucking break. I hung up.

So anyways, for the past few weeks I’m confused and hurt. This all feels so gaslighty? Like am I truly insufferable? Why are they so obsessed with me? I know that’s such an ick thing to say but it really feels like this. Come to find out they were hoping to have this conversation with me in person in my home… thank god my 10 month old didnt witness this.

My husband texted SIL saying that we love them a lot but the one sided performance reviews needed to stop. That they are not healthy or productive. No response from her.

It feels like problems are being created where there are none. The lack of self awareness from them is wild. They both brought up wanting to see my son more. But like????

Am I crazy? They are making me feel crazy. I’m just trying to live my life and raise my son. For the past couple years I think things are smooth and then I got bombed with something about how I suck. Then they get annoyed when I don’t reach out to them. Rinse and repeat. It’s an endless cycle. It feels really manipulative and I feel sick about it.

I sit here with a sick baby and am anxious because I haven’t reached out to them after this and feel bad. Also worried that if I do it’ll slip into another lecture.

I have a family thing next week and will see them for the first time after all this then and I’m just bleh.

For the past few months I have had the itchies and a mysterious rash that would pop up behind my knees and in my elbow crease. It would itch like crazy. I chalked it up to summer. Seemed like heat would trigger it. Especially when sweating. After doing some research I’m pretty sure these are excema flares. I experienced these too last summer during my third trimester.

I’m cutting back on fragrances. I’ve picked up Vanicream to use daily and switching my soap to Cetaphil gentle bar soap.

I feel a little overwhelmed! I’ve spent a fair amount of time looking through this helpful subreddit. Other than moisturizing daily and being mindful to triggers and fragrance - anything else I should be considering?

My son is 10 months old, he’s our first and so awesome. But we are hitting a phase where he has lots of big feelings with sudden mood swings. He’s been needing some extra snuggles these days to help regulate.

My husband and I both work full time. So our son is a daycare kid. He loves “school!” Lately I’ve been trying to figure out our morning routine now that little guy is on the move. He sleeps through the night now so he has one big nursing session in the morning, much longer than sessions used to be even a month or so ago.

I’m having to wake up earlier and earlier, leaving me groggy.

So anyways, my husband and I were tag teaming baby care and both getting around for work this morning. Little guy would cry if we put him down. He’d cry if we took a step away. He’d cry if we gave him a toy. He just woke up on the wrong side of the crib this morning.

He then faceplanted as he was crawling in the kitchen as we were packing up his bottles. More tears, now screaming. I ended up being half an hour late to work.

My husband took our son into daycare this morning and little guy cried at drop off.

So anyways I’m at work, at my desk, and just want to be with my baby. He’s having a tough day. I’m hoping playing with his friends helps. My motivation is at a zero to do anything today. I’m distracted thinking about my baby. Hoping I did the right things for him this morning in the limited time I had before having to get to the office.

This feels like we are slowly inching into toddlerhood.

It’s hard having two full time jobs: mom and corporate. Mom feels so much more important than corporate.

Bleh.

Will probably delete later but I’m so down in the dumps today. I cried last night after yet again telling my husband I couldn’t do it.

10 months postpartum, EBF. Baby is in daycare as I work full time so I pump 2-3 times a day at work and breastfeed in the mornings and evenings.

I absolutely love breastfeeding, it’s been an incredible journey. My goal is to EBF to one year.

For the last 10 months I have had zero libido. I don’t think about sex, hate watching it in tv/movies. I have to bring myself to have sex with my husband once every other week because I know it’s important. Foreplay does nothing for me. I feel icky and gross during it and sex. I am so anxious during sex. Foreplay and the start of sex is like forcing myself to just muscle through it. It’s like my brain and body just can’t remember that this is something enjoyable and normal.

I used to have such a high libido, literally had sex multiple times a week up until my son was born. I miss my husband so much. He’s been nothing but patient and never pressures me.

But I think I spend more time thinking about my lack of desire and being anxious about it than I do actually thinking about WANTING it.

I’m starting to have such a repulsion to pumping too. I’m hooked up to my pump now and can’t wait to rip it off.

I just hate how icky and gross I feel these days. I miss feeling pretty, desirable, sexy.

Someone please just tell me this is hormonal and will get better. I’m so scared I’ve lost my spark at 30 years old and will just be a miserable sexless blob for the rest of my life.

I’m going to try to get back into romance novels but I’m worried I’ll hate reading about sex too.

This sucks!

My husband and I both work full time with fairly demanding roles.

We have a 9 month old, a dog, and a house.

Husband and I fucking hustle all day and all evening, finally able to sit down (hopefully if baby goes down well) by 8. That leaves an hour or two for us adults.

On weekends I handle baby care as husband gets outside to take care of the lawn. Neither one of us have had time (or frankly the desire in this heat) to tackle our large garden beds. The weeds. Oh the weeds. Taller than my elephant hostas. I’m a little embarrassed but we just can’t find time or motivation to tackle.

MIL is stopping by tonight to drop off a few things and I just know she’s going to corner us about the garden beds.

At least the lawn is mowed! And the baby is healthy and alive! 😭

My son was born with a sacral dimple. This wasn’t something detected in any of the imaging during pregnancy so it came as a shock. Him and I survived a pretty traumatic birth. I didn’t get to hold him for about two hours. I remember hearing NICU evaluating him across the room and remarking about the sacral dimple to my husband and something about neuro needing to evaluate him as the OB wordlessly stitched me up as i laid there frantic and in shock.

I spent most of my postpartum suffering from PTSD and feeling extreme guilt about delivery and this birth defect. I know, rationally, I did nothing to cause either outcome. But…. It’s hard to explain. I’ve been in intensive therapy and have been on medication for PPD and the PTSD since he was born. I’ve been managing my mental health very well recently and have been loving this stage of motherhood.

We had a neuro consult when he was three months old. Out of precaution, we were referred out to have an MRI done to determine if he has a tethered cord at 9 months old.

I’ve been avoiding thinking about this MRI for months. Living in the headspace that I’d worry about it “later.”Now it’s next week. He’ll be put under anesthesia. I think this part scares me the most. We are returning to the hospital I delivered at for this MRI scan.

God, even typing this out is making me sweat and my chest tight.

Our arrival time is 6:30am and his MRI is at noon. It’ll be a full day of being back in the hospital. Drive that route again. Walk through those doors again. Having to see him be prepped for this procedure feels so scary. I know it’s routine but I’m so scared. I know I need to be strong for him. He’s 9 months old and so intuitive. I need to be brave for him but I feel so small.

If he has a tethered cord he’ll need surgery to correct it around his first birthday.

So anyways, I had to type something into the void. Motherhood is some scary shit sometimes.

And he took our 9 month old son with him.

Throughout my pregnancy, my husband, an avid golfer, expressed how excited he was to take our son out on the course. He planned, he researched. For Christmas his parents gifted him a caddy attachment for the stroller.

Today, the BIG day. Baby and I made a Master’s themed card for the occasion - Baby and dad’s first round of golf together. We woke up early and got baby ready. He wore a “daddy’s little caddy” tshirt. We packed a bottle, snacks, and the diaper bag. My husband kissed me goodbye and wished me a relaxing “six hours of baby free time.” He encouraged me to do what I wanted (but no chores!) and not to worry - baby would have a blast.

Bromoms- my husband pushed this stroller and played an entire 18-hole round of golf. If you are unfamiliar with the sport, that’s some serious fucking cardio. His first round of golf since our son was born. He was joined by his own father - three generations of golfers, if you will.

My son LOVED it. He never once needed one of the toys I had packed. According to my husband and FIL, baby was focused on watching them play. He laughed whenever they’d swing. FIL sent me a picture of my husband feeding our son a bottle on the green.

And for me? I laid in bed until 10am. I took a long shower. I snuggled the dog. The house was soooo quiet. I went thrifting. I never once received a text from my husband needing assistance - just the occasional happy baby picture.

Happy Father’s Day. I just came to bed and feeling pretty rich in life.

Link to my post yesterday https://www.reddit.com/r/workingmoms/s/Pmf9huq6PF

Thank you all so much for the advice on my post yesterday. A lot of you gave me the strength to get through this.

One thing I do want to address: I do not find breastmilk dirty. I do not find milk sharing a gross concept. I understand mothers have been wet nursing and milk sharing for thousands of years. The big difference in my situation is 1) I do not know this parent or their lifestyle. 2) I did not consent for my baby to be fed milk that was not my own. 3) the day care displayed negligence. This is not so much about the milk as much as it is the daycare making such a grievous oversight that it could have caused harm to a child in their care.

Onto the update. This has been a day from hell.

I made a report to our state licensing first thing this morning. My husband and I sent an email to the daycare asking that we be provided written policy changes that they would be implementing after this event and for them to cover all lab/medical expenses incurred from this event. They agreed to both.

We received a memo that went to all infant staff within one hour of this request. There are a couple lines of this memo that makes me suspicious that they were not operating under ratio requirements.

We decided to take our son to have his blood drawn. I know I had some comments saying we needed to ask the other mom to do this. This was something my husband and I spoke with our pediatrician about last night and this morning. My husband and I decided that we really wanted this done today. In this situation, which has frankly been horrifying and so fucking stressful, we found it hard to put our trust in a stranger to go have their blood tested in a timely manner. Our pediatrician also agreed.

We had to go to the children’s hospital for the blood draw. I opted to leave the room knowing I wouldn’t be able to handle it. After 20 minutes of listening to my son’s screams I finally asked the phlebotomist to stop. I called the daycare right there and left a strongly worded voicemail asking they communicate with the other mom to have her blood tested. Because fuck this. YOU chucklefucks need to handle this mess. I then called our pediatrician who said to take baby home and let her handle it (badass).

Pediatrician called me back a moment ago to say that the other mom has agreed to go have her blood tested by the end of the week. This other mom is also upset that this has happened. Pediatrician has also asked the daycare self report to the state (as is mandated by law if there is an exposure to bodily fluids). If they do not, pediatrician will file a report. (Again, badass, love her).

Pediatrician shared with us that this is the second time this has happened to a patient of hers in her 25 years of practicing. It is a nightmare for all involved.

I have been in the process of recovering from PPA/D and birth trauma for the past several months. This event has massively regressed my recovery and I will be in touch with my therapist this week to get back on her calendar. I am okay and taking care of myself.

As for the future of going to this daycare: our son will be kept home this week so that the staff have time to implement the policy changes they outlined. We will be looking for other options. My husband would like to give them another chance now that they shared the policy changes they are implementing but I am frankly terrified of sending my son back to this facility.

All it takes is one person, one moment, one oversight for some bullshit to happen. I’m pissed and horrified it was my baby.

So anyways. I’m exhausted.

EDIT: I want to add that I did not leave my 8 month old alone with a phlebotomist. My husband was holding him the entire time.

EDIT 2: There are some comments here calling me paranoid. Some saying our pediatrician scared us / escalated things. Yes, I can be anxious. I’m working on it. I will not apologize for the steps we took today to ensure the health of our child down the road. It was upsetting having his blood drawn. Yes, he cried. I posted this shortly after arriving home and was rattled. He came home and played with us until bedtime. He has been soundly sleeping. He is safe, happy, and loved. This would be no different if he pricked himself on a needle playing on a playground. Yes, we know the chance of him contracting a transmissible, infectious disease to be LOW. But I would never forgive myself if I shrugged and let it go only for 20+ years down the road he has a health issue pop up from the 1% chance he contracted anything.

We are following our pediatrician’s guidance. She reached out to infectious disease AND our state’s public health to consult before we moved forward with testing. Both infectious disease and public health advised blood testing. This is not a pediatrician on a rampage. This includes several people, who are much smarter than I am, helping to make the best choices to protect our son’s health.

It was my son’s (8 months old) first day in the older baby room. Got a call at 2pm from a panicked director saying my son had been fed 4 oz of breastmilk from another mom.

Okay, how did this happen? Turns out his teacher didn’t read the label on the bottle until AFTER he finished it.

So we pick him up promptly have chat with the director. She keeps going on and on about policies they have and how this wasn’t supposed to happen but it did happen.

Director says the other mom is understanding of the situation. But she’s down just 4 oz of milk, her baby didn’t consume another person’s body liquid. I know breast milk is breast milk but I don’t know this mom. I didn’t consent to my baby being given this milk.

So I called our pediatrician. She says this is the second instance of this happening to a patient of hers in her 25 years of practicing. Unfortunately it needs to be treated like a blood exposure.

Our son is going in to have labs done tomorrow to test for HIV and Hepatitis.

I’m just shaking and reeling. I feel so horrified. Like this teacher didn’t read a label. I know mistakes happen but thank god my son has no allergies or intolerances.

We’ve had issues with this daycare recently (see post history if curious) but this is just bad. I’m now stressed with the idea of finding a new daycare, that I trust. I just don’t know if I can send my baby back there.

Just an overall shitty way to start the week.

So last week I made a post about our growing concern about daycare. https://www.reddit.com/r/breakingmom/s/lZZBcorpSJ

So today was our son’s first day in his new classroom. Optimistic. At 2pm I got a call that he was fed four ounces of another woman’s breastmilk. We promptly picked him up and laid into the director. Because how the fuck does this happen???

Apparently the staff member who did this will be let go at the end of the day. Okay cool. But like.

We are not taking him back for the rest of the week. I’m shaking and so angry. I’m at a loss for words. I’m researching new daycares but how can I trust anywhere after the last two weeks?

I’m now waiting on a callback from our pediatrician. Director told us this mom has no illnesses or on medications. This other mom too is apparently being “very understanding” ok cool she’s down four ounces of breastmilk but at least her baby didn’t get fed a stranger’s blood product.

Just horrified this happened.

EDIT: spoke with pediatrician. Our son will need to get some tests done to rule out infectious diseases. This just so fucking sucks.

That’s it, that’s the post.

I’m 30 with my first baby. He’s awesome and amazing, thriving.

But man I have felt like I look like a goblin since his birth. I look so pale and exhausted. I think I look like a totally different person. I look at pictures of me from a year or two ago and I look great! Healthy, glowing! Who is she!

Husband reassured me I’m beautiful.

But the flabby breastfeeding boobs, loose skin on my belly, wider hips, dark under eyes, and overall feeling like I’m an alien in a skin suit really doesn’t help me feel beautiful.

Anyways. 🫩

Our son started in March at a long standing daycare with a good reputation in our area. My son is now 8 months old. He started in the “baby 1” room and will be moving to “baby 2” next week.

He had two teachers which made the ratio 1:4 which is state law. Found out three weeks ago one teacher was moving out of state, they quickly hired a new teacher.

We noticed the week before Memorial Day that the veteran teacher seemed to be the only person at pick up and drop off times. On Friday before Memorial Day weekend my husband went to pick up our son and the veteran teacher was alone in the room with the babies and crying. She informed him that she had just been told by management that they were moving her to a toddler room (she had been in that baby room for two years) and keeping the new hire in the baby room. This was happening because they were apparently not getting along?

After Memorial Day, last week, things have fallen apart fast. And my husband and I are growing concerned.

Day after Memorial Day there was a new teacher in the room. New hire nowhere to be seen. So if you’re following this is a third NEW face to us and my son since March and in the last two weeks. Zero communication from management on what is happening and who this third teacher is and where the new hire is.

Our son has always consumed 4, 4 oz bottles of breast milk plus a purée. Suddenly he is only eating three, 3 oz bottles. They were sending an unconsumed bottle home each day last week. They have a policy where any milk not consumed in a feeding needs to be dumped. So 3 oz has been going down the drain.

On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday all babies were screaming in the room at pick up. Including our son. I could tell he was way over stimulated when we got him in the car those days which is not his normal self. Tears streaming down his face and face bright red. Before last week my husband and I always noted how quiet and happy the babies were at the end of the day. The difference is jarring.

On Friday my husband picked up our son and asked this teacher if she was all alone with 8 babies…. She looked panicked and answered no. We think this is a lie. My husband noted there was poop stains on the outside of our son’s clothing when we got him home, we took pictures. We have no idea how long our son sat in soiled clothes.

Ok so fuck I’m typing all this out and think we need to call the daycare. Am I overreacting? Last night I couldn’t sleep from intrusive thoughts of his safety being jeopardized and being anxious about sending him today.

My husband wants to give it another day or two to see if anything changes but I don’t know.

I know our son is moving to another room next week but I’m concerned this is an internal problem and maybe not a room issue.

Husband and I are big Dave Matthews fans, we have gone every year when the band comes to our city for the last 10 years. Every show we say “can’t wait to bring our kids one day!”

Well - we now have little one, he will be 9 months old come concert time. He’s mellow, silly, happy. We bring him everywhere. He’s chill as can be. We haven’t even bought tickets for this concert in a few weeks because we’ve been in a state of “we’ll wait and see” for months on most things. Do we bring him or not? Do WE even go?

A family friend sent us a onesie today that says “My First Dave Show” and husband and I were like well, time to make a decision.

We are learning towards bringing him. BUT I’m worried about being a bad mom. Or people thinking I’m a bad mom.

IF we do bring him - I’m researching hearing protection to order for him. He’s breastfed, I’ll just bring a lightweight cover. He loves when I wear him so I’ll bring the carrier so he can be on my chest or back. Clear backpack with diapers, changing pad, paci, travel size wipes, whatever else he may need.

If we don’t bring him I somehow need to pump enough extra milk for the evening we’ll be gone. That’s a pain in my ass for someone who is a just enougher when I do pump.

All this said - am I a bad mom if I do bring little one? I have seen people with their children at concerts and find it so sweet, but then again I always loved and admired families before I became a parent.

We have time to make a decision. Am I overthinking it?