u/brainramp

TW: mentions of domestic and sexual abuse

I (28F) am a survivor of domestic violence from my father. I have this friend (29F) who has been in an on and off relationship with a guy that is a walking red flag. Without giving much details, he can't take no for an answer and he keeps insulting her.

At first I was trying to be there for her because I know that leaving is not easy and that love blinds you, I also refrained from talking bad about him because I didn't want to give him ammunition to try to make her cut me off. All my comments about him were as neutral as I could make them.

Last time she broke up with him, it really looked like it was the last time. She said it was due to sexual incompability but to me it didn't sound like a simple incompability since he kept trying to push her into doing something she didn't want to.

That time she asked me for a reality check, she said she needed it, so I told her exactly why I think he's a red flag. She thanked me and it really looked like they were done forever, even though she said the relationship was "mutually toxic" since she was the one who kept breaking up with him and taking him back (which... no. It's absolutely not the same).

Last week she told me she was still friends with him, today she told me he's back with him.

I feel like crying, I'm so afraid for her safety and I want to be there for her, but at the same time this is lowkey triggering me because the whole situation is so similar to what my parents used to do and keep doing. She told me it's different from what my parents do and asked me to trust that she wouldn't fall in love with a bad person, and that I only hate him because I have only heard the stuff she has said while she's upset.

Frankly, I don't care if she said it while she was upset, he still doesn't know how to take a no and that's dangerous regardless of how the rest of the relationship is.

I want to be there for her, but at the same time I know myself, I know that I'm either going to stay anxious or lash out at her. I have been working on both of those things for years now, I have been handling it well so far, but I don't know if I will be able to keep it together if I get specially triggered.

I don't want her to not have me available for this because her mom really likes her boyfriend and encouraged her to get back together with him, so there's no hope on that front. But I don't know how to manage my own feelings, I don't know how to go back to talking neutrally about him, I only feel like screaming.

Has anybody else dealt with this?

TW: mentions of domestic and sexual abuse

I (28F) am a survivor of domestic violence from my father. I have this friend (29F) who has been in an on and off relationship with a guy that is a walking red flag. Without giving much details, he can't take no for an answer and he keeps insulting her.

At first I was trying to be there for her because I know that leaving is not easy and that love blinds you, I also refrained from talking bad about him because I didn't want to give him ammunition to try to make her cut me off. All my comments about him were as neutral as I could make them.

Last time she broke up with him, it really looked like it was the last time. She said it was due to sexual incompability but to me it didn't sound like a simple incompability since he kept trying to push her into doing something she didn't want to.

That time she asked me for a reality check, she said she needed it, so I told her exactly why I think he's a red flag. She thanked me and it really looked like they were done forever, even though she said the relationship was "mutually toxic" since she was the one who kept breaking up with him and taking him back (which... no. It's absolutely not the same).

Last week she told me she was still friends with him, today she told me he's back with him.

I feel like crying, I'm so afraid for her safety and I want to be there for her, but at the same time this is lowkey triggering me because the whole situation is so similar to what my parents used to do and keep doing. She told me it's different from what my parents do and asked me to trust that she wouldn't fall in love with a bad person, and that I only hate him because I have only heard the stuff she has said while she's upset.

Frankly, I don't care if she said it while she was upset, he still doesn't know how to take a no and that's dangerous regardless of how the rest of the relationship is.

I want to be there for her, but at the same time I know myself, I know that I'm either going to stay anxious or lash out at her. I have been working on both of those things for years now, I have been handling it well so far, but I don't know if I will be able to keep it together if I get specially triggered.

I don't want her to not have me available for this because her mom really likes her boyfriend and encouraged her to get back together with him, so there's no hope on that front. But I don't know how to manage my own feelings, I don't know how to go back to talking neutrally about him, I only feel like screaming.

Has anybody else dealt with this?

TW: mentions of domestic and sexual abuse

I (28F) am a survivor of domestic violence from my father. I have this friend (29F) who has been in an on and off relationship with a guy that is a walking red flag. Without giving much details, he can't take no for an answer and he keeps insulting her.

At first I was trying to be there for her because I know that leaving is not easy and that love blinds you, I also refrained from talking bad about him because I didn't want to give him ammunition to try to make her cut me off. All my comments about him were as neutral as I could make them.

Last time she broke up with him, it really looked like it was the last time. She said it was due to sexual incompability but to me it didn't sound like a simple incompability since he kept trying to push her into doing something she didn't want to.

That time she asked me for a reality check, she said she needed it, so I told her exactly why I think he's a red flag. She thanked me and it really looked like they were done forever, even though she said the relationship was "mutually toxic" since she was the one who kept breaking up with him and taking him back (which... no. It's absolutely not the same).

Last week she told me she was still friends with him, today she told me he's back with him.

I feel like crying, I'm so afraid for her safety and I want to be there for her, but at the same time this is lowkey triggering me because the whole situation is so similar to what my parents used to do and keep doing. She told me it's different from what my parents do and asked me to trust that she wouldn't fall in love with a bad person, and that I only hate him because I have only heard the stuff she has said while she's upset.

Frankly, I don't care if she said it while she was upset, he still doesn't know how to take a no and that's dangerous regardless of how the rest of the relationship is.

I want to be there for her, but at the same time I know myself, I know that I'm either going to stay anxious or lash out at her. I have been working on both of those things for years now, I have been handling it well so far, but I don't know if I will be able to keep it together if I get specially triggered.

I don't want her to not have me available for this because her mom really likes her boyfriend and encouraged her to get back together with him, so there's no hope on that front. But I don't know how to manage my own feelings, I don't know how to go back to talking neutrally about him, I only feel like screaming.

Has anybody else dealt with this?

Hi! I feel like this is the place to give a great message about how I found the show and be inspirational about why I kept on listening but, sadly, no inspirational story here, I found it somehow and I thought it was neat.

Anyway... I [28F] recently reconnected with a friend from college [30M]. We were friends in college but I am terrible at socializing so at some point I simply fell out of the face of the Earth and I'm just now trying to have friends again. I was genuinely very happy to talk to this friend again, I was even happier that it felt so easy to fall back into our usual banter, it was like time hadn't passed.

Today he told me he doesn't like Annabelle, I said "justify your response" because I like to listen to people ranting about media, even if they are explaining whythey don't like a movie. Also, I haven't even watched Annabelle and I don't plan to because I didn't like The Conjuring, I told him as much before asking him to explain why he doesn't like Annabelle.

He gave a short answer but I wanted to keep talking, so I jokingly graded his answer with a 7. This was over text, so the tone probably didn't translate well, but he's usually not touchy-feely and I didn't think much about it. Either way, I know I was the one to start it.

He replied "4" and when I asked what he was grading, he said "your existence", which upset me. I tried to act as if I weren't upset, but I later restricted his account because I couldn't stop being upset.

I am aware I was the one who started with the grading, but I feel like there's a difference between grading a movie review and grading someone's existence.

I told a friend, and she told me his response was rude and that I'm right to be upset, but I can't stop thinking I'm overreacting since I started it and his next messages make it seem like he genuinely thinks he was being funny.

AIO?