u/bruhbelacc

My whole life, I've seen the same theme in films and books: people finding true happiness in relationships after (mistakenly) thinking that achievements and possessions matter the most. Uncle Scrooge, every Christmass movie, the materialistic antagonist in half of the books, religions preaching to respect the immaterial instead of the material etc.

Scientific studies also seem to point at that, although I admit I usually just read the titles.

However, I've always felt that this doesn't apply to me. Whenever I think about my happiest moments in life, they are related to professional, academic or personal achievements. Not to seeing a newborn family member, hugging family, hearing "I love you", laughing with friends and family or anything similar to this. Instead, I think of stuff like better numbers at work and recognition for them, academic achievements, improving my body, mastering foreign languages, all the books I've read in the past months etc. Family and friends still feel nice, but not nearly as good.

I can't imagine being 60 and thinking "oh, shit, I should have focused on friends/family". Even if I start needing them, logically, this wouldn't have been the thing that made me happy in the first 60 years of my life, so it wouldn't feel like a loss.

I'm still in my twenties, so you could say I might change. However, your personality remains pretty stable your whole life. I'm curious - are there other people who feel that way, or do you think this is a common source of fulfillment in life?

My whole life, I've seen the same theme in films and books: people finding true happiness in relationships after (mistakenly) thinking that achievements and possessions matter the most. Uncle Scrooge, every Christmass movie, the materialistic antagonist in half of the books, religions preaching to respect the immaterial instead of the material etc.

However, I've always felt that this doesn't apply to me. Whenever I think about my happiest moments in life, they are related to professional, academic or personal achievements. Not to seeing a newborn family member, hugging family, hearing "I love you", laughing with friends and family or anything similar to this. Instead, I think of stuff like better numbers at work and recognition for them, academic achievements, improving my body, mastering foreign languages, all the books I've read in the past months etc. Family and friends still feel nice, but not nearly as good.

I can't imagine being 60 and thinking "oh, shit, I should have focused on friends/family". Even if I start needing them, logically, this wouldn't have been the thing that made me happy in the first 60 years of my life, so it wouldn't feel like a loss.

I'm still in my twenties, so you could say I might change. However, your personality remains pretty stable your whole life. I'm curious - are there other people who feel that way, or do you think this is a common source of fulfilment in life?

I have been living abroad for a few years and my family hasn't visited me yet. In the first years, I told them I don't want them to come because there was very little space in my rental, but I've bought a house and that's not a problem.

When I invited my sister, she was first enthousiastic at first but in the end, she didn't buy any tickets. I heard later that that she won't come because I won't cover the travel expenses. I find it shocking because - why would I do that? If you want to visit someone, you cover the travel costs yourself. I would feel uncomfortable as a working adult to have my plane ticket covered.

It's not a significant cost (EU travel) and my sister goes to multiple European countries every year, where she also pays for her own hotel. She earns well, pays for renovations at home and has no expenses for a mortgage, unlike me, but earns less than me because of the economies of both countries. I don't see this as a factor, though. My parents won't come without her because of the language (they don't speak English).

On the one hand, I have been called stingy and I'm very individualistic. I honestly don't know what's expected. On the other hand, my sister has made family drama about money before: telling my parents they should buy her a nice car, slamming the door in their faces when they didn't, and arguing with them which apartment each of us should inherit because one is more expensive (last year). I feel like she's using this as a manipulation tactic or power play.

What would you do in this situation and who should pay? Finally, I can understand her disagreeing with me, but not deciding not to visit at all.