u/buckeyegurl1313

TL/DR-Caring for my mother is slowly sucking the life out of me

My mom is 79. Has lived with my husband & I for 9 years. Its been mostly good. Her mobility, due to her own devices, has declined. In March of this year she fell. Broke her arm in four places. Had surgery. Went to rehab. Had a second unrelated surgery (Bile blockage) and is now, finally, on the cusp of coming home. Important side note. She fell because she was doing something she shouldnt have been.

I have a sister, who does help, and I am so grateful for that and a supportive husband. But. Its sucking the life out of all three of us.

Mom has done better than expected, but, she is coming out of rehab worse than when she went in. Mom seems to think we have had a 3 1/2 month break from her. Its been anything but. Sister has managed the meds and appointments. I manage the finances. We both go see her every other day. Do her laundry. Fight the rehab center for EVERYTHING.

Its been no vacation.

Last night, I get a text from mom. NO AC. Call her. I call her. Three times. Because she suddenly has forgotten how to use her phone.

Its 7 pm. I am already in bed because its been that kind of day.

She wants me to "Bring her a fan". We have no fans. Every room of my house has celling fans. She gets mad at me and hangs up. This is her thing. She acts like a giant toddler when things dont go her way. She yells at me. Sister. Staff. She is downright mean and nasty.

I call her back and tell her "This is not my problem to solve" (Though, secretly, I feel like crap.) It is hot. Hottest week of the year. And I am so furious that this facility that has been nothing but trouble doesnt have a plan for loss of heat or air.

My brain says I am justified. My heart says I should have gotten dressed. Done the 40 minute round trip into town. Bought her a fan. And taken it to her.

I didnt. And I felt like crap the rest of the night. I feel like the worst daughter. Even though I know I am not.

Why? Why am I 54 years old and feel like my life is passing me by while I drop everything to take care of this woman. I love her. She was a pretty good single mom. I think. Sometimes I wonder if I am romanticizing my childhood. I dont know. I still work. Full time. I take care of a home. A yard. A marriage. Pets. And my mother. I make about 98% of the decisions. For everyone in my home.

And guys...I am just tired. Bone weary tired.