u/burnt_toast_mom — reddlx

What do you think dudes want they reach out after you’re single, but even casual meetups aren’t a possibility?

This is a silly and very autistic question but there’s just a lot about human behavior that I do not understand. I wonder if anyone understands this one, it’s kind of out left field.

I just broke up with my partner of 6 years.

Before him I had been married for another 6 years. I wasn’t super public about the divorce and new relationship at the time so there was really no time in social media etc that I was clearly “single,” there was just a hiatus and then me hard launching little date pics, so I haven’t been like visibly obviously single (on the internet) for about 13 years.

Anyway, all of a sudden I am. I’m very active on Facebook and Insta this time because I need to rebuild some adult friendships etc, and all of a sudden I keep having guys that I used to have really casual relationships reach out. They’re replying to my stories, telling me about their whole lives, just basic shit like that but I’m so confused??

I would understand if we lived in the same city and frankly for at least one of them I would probably be happy to go back to the comfortable, respectful but FWB relationship we had before but I am like a three day drive away, we are all in our 30s and 40s now, some of them have kids. What do they want? Are they just being friendly???

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u/burnt_toast_mom — 1 day ago

▲ 39 r/AutisticAdults

Is it feasible to just… not want to date allistic people anymore?

I’m coming out of one of the hardest break ups of my life and I feel like a huge issue for me was the fact that he just COULD NOT accept my autism. It’s almost like I regret telling him about my diagnosis because it gave him new ammunition. To just tell me out of the blue that I’m weird or socially inept would have been bonkers, but once he knew I was autistic, all bets were off.

Frankly, I don’t have a thick enough skin for this shit. I never have. I know most autism is genetic— mine isn’t. My mom had lupus and it’s one of the rare things that is associated with a documented increased risk of having a child with spontaneous autism. I didn’t know this but I was diagnosed when I was about 4, and based on the stories I have heard I was… it would have been classified as pretty profound. Anyway, my family did not get it, and with the exception of my mom, I grew up knowing that I was absolutely LOATHED by my extended family and most of my immediate household, knowing that I was smart but getting constant comments about being “touched,” “special” or “ret*ded”… this is not something I can be made fun of without my inner child speaking up and shouting “YOU ARE FUNDAMENTALLY UNLOVABLE! Just like I’ve been saying! Not even the people supposed to like you, can be around you!!”

My last partner before the one I’m currently breaking up with was autistic and it was not a love match and did not work out but there was a very clear implicit boundary there— no matter how mad we were, we were never going to pick on each other about autistic or even ADHD traits. Things more or less out of our control, or things we were clearly already working on, were off limits. I want that back and I’m not sure it’s possible for a neurotypical person. Or, as it may be in this case, a likely neurodivergent person who’s self hating and projects that on to you.

But I don’t see as many stories as I would think I would about both parties in a relationship being AuDHD or both neurodivergent which seems weird. I understand being autistic doesn’t mean we’ll have much in common, our hang ups and our interests and our strengths may be totally different. But when I’m crashing out about feeling misunderstood, I want someone who can genuinely say “yeah, I understand that” not “well yeah, why did you SAY that???”

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u/burnt_toast_mom — 1 month ago

▲ 54 r/stationery

Sharpie S Note Duo Vs Mildliner Double Ended Swatch

So, first of all, as the kind of person who carries like 30+ highlighters to work every day and recently bought a canon pixma so I could make planner stickers out of my own cat, holy cow it’s nice to meet y’all.

Anyway, I’m having a PHASE right now where I am in school online and taking notes constantly and I want them to be pretty so I have been getting very into my color palettes. Also, I just bought the printer, which has an otherwise totally unused scanner. So I figured I would scan some swatches of my own markers.

The Mildliners had a REALLY weird result where some of them just… did not show up at all. I’m scanning at 300dpi and eventually had to put it on photo mode to get these results (second image is the scan, first is a regular phone photo with the flash on).

The phone photo came out a lot better, so I’m putting a third one in with no flash because I feel like it’s more realistic. I really just cannot see some of the colors.

Anyway, thought it was worth sharing because for being, if I recall, a way cheaper option, I reach for the S-Note duo almost every time, and outside of the colors themselves the writing experience with the smooth end just seems much better to me as well. I had not seen another direct comparison, and thought some of y’all would find it interesting!

u/burnt_toast_mom — 2 months ago

▲ 215 r/Tabico

Can I see your grown up long hair tabico babies?

This is my baby, who I recently found out probably is a tabico?? I mean she’s stripey and orange black and white lol. But she has VERY long hair, the first vet we took her too said that for a kitten she was “fluffier” than a long hair cat usually is. I’m interested to find out what she’ll look like all grown up.

u/burnt_toast_mom — 3 months ago

▲ 182 r/FosterAnimals

Sorry for the new account— I have one I use for a lot of really personal mental health related stuff that I don’t want tied to me, so I made a new one for KITTEN QUESTIONS and content. And of course, with no karma I can’t actually post almost anywhere 🥴

Toast here (aka Toasted Marshmallow because she is black on top, then reddish, then white) (the kids named her) is an orphan of slightly indeterminate age. The vets said based on teeth and awareness, maybe 4-5 weeks, “leaning towards 5.” But she is not a confident walker and scoots wobbles a lot, she only just started taking solids, won’t use the restroom without stimulation, her claws won’t retract, and she was a little under 400g when she came to us which, please correct me if I’m wrong but none of that is aligning for me with a potentially 5 week old kitten.

She is peeing and pooping but her weight initially dropped slightly and is not rising as much as I would like. It seemed to help when I eschewed the vets advice and started feeding more frequently. (They told me 2 times a day). It’s also only been a few days, and her abandonment seems to have traumatic and scary so I am sure there’s some adjustment to be expected.

I guess I’m struggling with whether I’m doing what’s best for her.

On the one hand, I have people saying it’s great that we were able to take her in. On the other, there are people who have told me I have no business trying to hand raise a bottle fed kitten and should have found a more capable foster situation.

I’m torn— my thoughts are that these rescues are spread pretty thin as is, and shouldn’t be burdened if we can try. Also, when I acquired her the person that had her told me they called a few of local shelters, animal control, and rescues and all of them told him that if she was walking and uninjured, it was best to leave her alone because she’s a feral cat. I assumed I would be told the same thing, but maybe they did not understand the full scope of the situation (primarily that she was pulled from under the hood of a car that had pulled off a busy highway— mama is not going to just find her). We have a busy household with kids and two working parents, but both of our jobs are not wildly stressful, he can work from home occasionally if needed, and we are in a financial position where almost no amount of money needed for vet bills would be crippling or insurmountable.

Am I doing the right thing here? I mean everyone who’s bottle fed a cat had to have a first time, right?

u/burnt_toast_mom — 4 months ago