Dad can’t drink water but he’s desperately thirsty. This is killing me.
My dad has pancreatic cancer and is nearing the end and declining fast. He’s stopped being able to swallow and his in-patient hospice has now ended food and water. Up until recently he’s been the sweetest patient, smiling and full of gratitude even as his body falls apart. But now he’s really looking like he’s suffering. He seems to still be able to hear us and can make tiny coherent facial movements to acknowledge what we’re saying to him and we have small moments of connection but speech is too difficult.
I went into his room today to talk to him and sing and connect but instead all of a sudden he looks at me intensely with pained and wild eyes and he said “THIRSTY. THIRSTY. THIRSTY.” It took tremendous effort to ask for water. We swabbed him and he clamps down around the swab and wouldn’t release it for a while, which must have been hard for him. It was so heartbreaking. The nurse tried to offer thickened water but he just doesn’t have the mouth strength to get it down.
I do not buy that when patients stop being able to drink that their bodies no longer want water. He’s desperate. This is hell watching him suffer like this and I wish we could just put a damn water IV on him to help him out but it’s against protocol.
I feel like a monster being part of a support team that can’t offer this comfort. His body was processing water perfectly well until his swallowing went south. Kidneys are great. He was drinking a ton on his own. I’m freaking out.