u/calebdreams

I am a man so my bias is going to be much different than others. In unhappy sex lives You will probably hear a lot about therapy and couple therapy and also that you have the natural right to refuse anything that makes you uncomfortable. This will all be correct.

If there’s anything like me, My guess is that he is unaware that he is the “bad guy” here. It’s likely he doesn’t even realize that he is pushing into dangerous territory of violating you.

Here’s one thing you probably won’t hear too much.

I think most women have no idea how much men who are straight will think about sex or something sex related during a typical day. For myself, it is hundreds of times a day. This is the normal that we all live in. As men.
I say this carefully, but you hold a lot of power in the relationship and my guess is that it would be a turn on for you both if you could reward him openly with sex for doing what you want…. Stay with me in this.

Ask a man if he enjoys a beautiful city skyline, a sunset at the beach, a beautiful flower, a powerful animal in the wild, a sports play that blows the mind…. I guarantee you that most men would agree that the female body is the culmination of everything beautiful that they love to look at.
It’s inescapable and only the strongest men can use self control when out in public and when put to the cheating test.

What happens if you were to take power back and use this undeniable attraction to gain?

In short, I bet your man listens to every word you say when he eats you out. (As long as he likes to serve too)

I know it seems weird, but imagine embracing this inescapable truth and waving your magic pussy wand whenever you want the power dynamic to shift,or to be heard, or to shut him up, or to get those house chores done.

Could be fun and a lot of women misunderstand this as something they are forced into by society. But I assure you there is room in this idea for real bonding. I know men would love it in most cases.

Take it or leave it.

In the end, abuse comes in many forms and if your hunch is that you are in danger or violated, act on that!!

This isn’t a random thought, this is a genuine observation.

Thanks all.

M39, Married, kids. Potentially open Relationship (?) FFM, Swing (?)
I feel:
\- strong sex drive
\- devoted and connected to my wife
\- committed dad
\- reputable citizen and community member
\- in touch with my creative and communication sides
\- mature in mind
\- fit and clean

There’s a lot to this statement (years of trial and error and therapy):
Sex to me is the expression of all the beauty of life in one act. It is fun and free and empowering.
I view sex as the most intimate and vulnerably honest forms of communication. I feel most appreciated and seen when I am in the moment of sex.
However, a lot of people Couldnt disagree more. My wife is one of these people.

I’ve learned:
\- women think of sex less (especially moms)
\- childhoods are the launchpad of sexuality, good and bad (that will answer questions about her views on sex)
\- being a woman is pressure, in sex, zero pressure = freedom to have fun
\- no one can short cut around genuine trauma
\- woman’s minds are full of multi-thought, hard to have sex when the brain is cranked to full blast
\- woman’s minds are are conditioned to be self conscious…to turn that off with an accepting and playful environment is critical
\- privacy is key…if there is even a chance that someone (aka my kid) can hear or walk in…game over.
\- women don’t really care if they have no sex. No where near as much as the average man.

Somewhere I read that men are responsible for solving the sex issues in their relationships with women. Unfortunately, I think it’s true.

Then there is me:
In short… would I fuck me? Like, what about me is so sexy? Am I building foreplay naturally into the day, or am I in my own world until I’m horny?
Ironically, the more I exude cleanliness, confidence, good hygiene, and consistently offer myself to her as a listener, cheerleader, compliment giver, include her in my daily thoughts and ideas… the more attractive I am.

Do I expect her to love the things about myself that I openly hate? How I talk about myself impacts her view too.

Vulnerability and honesty about my desires is usually sexy (timing is everything)

Just because I can… or have the right to…doesn’t mean I should.

There is so much.

To me, sex is the epicenter and heartbeat of a relationship. My wife does not see this the same. So, from personal experience… the heavy lifting is on me.

My question:

How free am I? Can I flirt?
She found me attractive for some reasons… they are unique to me. So, lean into those with other women outside the relationship? Can I sharpen those flirting skills to boost my confidence and ultimately generate natural attractiveness?

I naturally stay far from flirting with women. But I have been feeling lately that maybe it’s not a big deal? Does it help things… or is it just practice in discontent?

Thanks!