Starting over after 13 years going nowhere until I get my ADHD treated because I am so chaotic. So down as I don't know how to live. Life is far to difficult at the point of accepting and giving up.
I am 37 from Scotland undiagnosed at this rate never will be. I write this from a Caravan having to start my life over after 13 years in a relationship ended.
My life is a absolute disaster it just gets worse and worse never better. I have no clue how I am going to start again with literally nothing and dealing with the emotions and such that is coming with this heartbreak.
I will never meet anyone else who can put up with me. Even I can't put up with me. I have nothing to offer anyone I am just a useless broken human being.
No use speaking to GP's been there I see a drug nurse once a week about my Pregablin addiction she can't do anything.
It's like my life ended the day I was born.
It seems like there is no end to trainwreck of a so called life. I'm 36 usual waiting list hell in Scotland
I have gone from thinking one day I am going to wake up and things will just magically get better in regards to feelings memory focus ect. Too drug addiction now I am homeless as of last night.
I survived a accidental overdose around 2 years ago and I wish I never I was in a peaceful slumber awaken to the nightmare.
Managed to get sober for a year and half couldn't cope so ended up relapsing no help or inadequate help available
Now my family life fell apart finally and I am lost homeless and can't cope with life as I have no clue how to navigate it.
I am honestly sick to death of seeing no future just this miserable existence knowing I will never amount to anything other than a failure of a human being and parent.
I was told around a month ago a psychiatrist agreed to do my assessment around 6 months time they said they are struggling with appointments I have seen this movie before. I won't get fit in or something will happen and I will be left to drown in this sea of shit.
I'm so tired I am not the person I know I want and should be. The way I live is not the way I seen myself years ago
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I did try but I'm tired of the drugs to escape the way I feel I am supposed to be getting an assessment in 6 months finally and going to addiction services but everything is moving to slow.
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I have so many regrets and don't mean to do alot of the things I have done I do things and after I hate myself.
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I hate my job I'm signed off for my Crohn's but it's more because it's torture being there and I can't switch off and just get on with it.
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I have recently started using cocaine regularly again because it makes me more normal and social it gets me off the couch but I don't want that life anymore I'm already self medicating with Pregablin after relapsing last year because I just couldn't cope.
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I am 36 I feel like I have wasted my life and not how I seen it when I was younger it feels like I have a ball and chain. I have a son who no doubt has ADHD too and it terrifies me he grows up and ends up like me I am supposed to be and try to be a good dad and want to be a better dad but I'm fighting my demons most the time so it's not fair.
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The people around me just seen me stuck to the couch or messing up and I don't mean to it I could be different I would and they see me as lazy but I want anything but being like this.
I absolutely drowning I have Crohn's and to top it off undiagnosed ADHD living in Scotland before anyone recommends shared care sadly.
My life is holding on by a thread a dysfunctional mess. Hardly holding down my job that I despise and everyday is torture to force myself in and not just walk out. In fact I'm potentially going to lose that soon anyways.
I just turned 37 minimum wage job and my friends have all moved away or died. Don't know how much longer my partner will last if I don't get better physically and mentally
I self medicate I know I will just keep relapsing again and again during sober life already been there.
I have tried so hard and so over this daily shit show of running on empty.
I feel I'm a lost cause doomed and this is my life or things end up even worse.
If I could invent a time machine I would go back before 1989 and make sure I was never born.
Just wanted to vent as can't speak to anyone.