This necklace was my mom’s for 40 years, and I desperately want to look after it. But she lived in squalor, the necklace smells absolutely disgusting. I’m pretty sure they’re real pearls and each pearl has a knot in between.
How do I clean it to get it really clean while protecting the pearls?
Thank you!
My mom died a few weeks ago. It's been HARD. We were estranged, with decades of back and forth, trauma, heartache, pain but also some good times sprinkled in. When she died I called my Dad and they showed some empathy.. sort of.
It's been an absolute nightmare of admin in the aftermath. I decided to do a cremation witnessing, so to get that it's just been SO much back and forth, but after 3 weeks I finally got it scheduled for next week. I booked my flights and all that.
My parents (Dad and stepmother) haven't even sent a single text to say "how are you?". They witnessed the stuff she put me through, they read the letters that she sent, they KNOW. But think they care enough to send a single text asking how I'm doing? Nope. But they sent a random picture of some toy from costco to ask if my kids would like it.
I'm just feeling sad about it. My mom is dead. I always thought I would see her again as there was a pattern of us not speaking for years and then she'd pop up and we'd have contact for a few weeks. But now she won't ever pop up again. And my parents clearly don't care. I KNOW this is who they are but sometimes I fool myself into thinking they're decent human beings, but that'll teach me.
I'll be flying in for the cremation within a few hours drive of where they are, I could reach out but you know what? No. They don't deserve me making the effort. The phone works both ways. So I'll be flying alone, driving alone, attending the cremation alone. And then I'll receive the ashes, and then I'll decide what to do with them, alone.
I'm 37 years old and I KNOW who they are, but it still hurts.
My mom died on April 23. A police officer came to my house on April 24 to inform me. It's been 9 years since I had contact with her, and before that it was 28 years of just... a lot. I moved away from her at age 12 and tried to keep contact until I was 15 when I had enough of the constant stress of it all. We'd go awhile of no contact, and then I'd reach out, it would be lovely for a few days, maybe a month max and then it would all go down in flames yet again.
She caused me so much pain, trauma, heart ache and just sadness. But with all that I still loved her and missed her all the time. I also had it in my head that I would see her again. That I would somehow have contact with her again as that was the pattern. But now she's gone.
There's just me, no one else. Well, my Dad sort of but he's useless. It's been 2 weeks now and bloody hell it's been stressful. She died in a different province than me, I didn't even know where she was. It's about 1800km from me. I desparately wanted to see her but the funeral home said no. That was a hard blow. But they said I can do a cremation witnessing.
Because she was on benefits the province will pay for the cremation. But the absolute unhinged amount of paperwork and coordination is going to kill me. And the best part is I'm flying out of country for 2 weeks on the 22nd, you know in less than 2 weeks!
Because of decades of trauma I am VERY good at going through the motions and just continuing to live my life. So it's like everything is just fine. But the stress of it all might kill me, but being a mom you don't have the luxury of just shutting down and sleeping for a week. My husband is amazing, but emotionally supportive isn't one of his strong suits. But thankfully he hasn't balked at the cost of me flying to the cremation as that is going to be a very expensive trip.
I'm just tired and also trying to process everything. And my parents (Dad and stepmother) just don't see the need to even send a text to ask how it's going. Like cool, thanks for the non existent support.
Being an adult sucks so hard sometimes.
A police officer came to my house on Friday afternoon to tell me my mother died. They found her the previous day and were able to find me.
It’s been 9 years since I saw her. Before that it was 11 years, and a rough sporadic history before that.
I missed every day. She caused me so much pain, trauma, heartache but I missed her.
I haven’t had 5 mins to just sit down and think as I’ve been busy with kids, and just life. But I don’t know what to do.
The detective told me that it’s completely my choice what to do. I can do nothing, there is no obligation. But I can’t do nothing, I can’t leave her there. I think I’m going to have her cremated and sent to me.
But I also have this feeling that I need to see her. I need to see and talk to her. I never got to say goodbye, I never got anything from her.
From what the detective told me she wasn’t well for many years so I can infer that she doesn’t look great. It’s also been 9 years since I saw her.
My brain likes planning, answers, action but with this, I just don’t know. It doesn’t feel real. It’s like I need to see her to KNOW. I’d have to fly and rent a car to get to the city she’s in, which is doable. But should I?
And because of lovely trauma brain, I’m weirdly just fine. On Friday I was not okay, I could barely breathe I was crying so hard. But that lasted an hour and now I’ve been fine since. Got to love the brain protecting itself from feelings.