How to repair my relationship with a Sagittarius women during separation
Hello everyone thanks in advance for all your contribution and time before I tell my story.
I (28m) have been dating my Sag (29f) for about 5 months. We met through dating app and our chemistry was phenomenal. The momentum kept growing as she stated how much of our values and goals aligned. The first 3 months were our honeymoon phase, then we helped each other move out to new places and talked plans for the future of moving in after I’ve met her parent. She knows I’ve had struggled with mental health problems and she was very accepting of it, as she also suffer from anxiety and insecurities throughout her life. From the beginning we always supported each other and had resolved most of our conflicts calmly. The love was genuine from both side and she does care a lot about me. We had plans together to build a future and grow.
After she helped me moved out and I helped her move to her new place, I had started spiraling a little bit because of overwhelming stresses. Then instead of talking or spending time with her I’ve dealt with my stress in the most unhealthy way. I shut down and neglected her while she was supporting me. Even when she’s asking for bare minimum I had not been able to meet her needs, but she also think she’s not meeting my needs. The last two months has been a bit rough with fights and bickering, then she grew tired. I acknowledge my lack of effort during the last 2 month and she also know why I shut down. I’m incredibly grateful she was being supportive and loving while I’m in my worst, but I didn’t took good care of her during those time. Even though she was understanding of my circumstances, it still took a toll on her mental health and drained her. I’ve also made thoughtless comments that had impacted her insecurities, and every time I’d apologize intensely for being so stupid. The comments were never malicious or weaponized, but I had broken her trust and made her felt unsafe for my lack of common sense. I promised to never say anything that would hurt her again during the relationship, however the damage was already done.
She asked me to go professional therapy and I said I’m willing to try again but had refused during the moment, because my reason was: I’ve had tried in the past and they never truly helped. Perhaps, it was just bad experiences. The last two month had really depleted her emotional capacity and mental health. She knows I’m actively working on my flaws and she often applauds and celebrates these improvements. However she came up last week crying so much and said we should break up, saying even though she loves and cares about me deeply she doesn’t see this relationship working out. Mentioning her romantic feelings has fleeted and not sure if she’ll be able to get them back. Returning my belongings and taking hers, but requesting to keep the keys to my apartment. Saying she doesn’t want to lose me in her life and wanting this special connection with me. As she tells me I’m an incredibly kind and loving person, but just ‘right person, wrong time’.
After hours of tears, kisses, and cuddles she left some stuff in my apartment and took a bit back to hers. We spent some extra time before she left that day playing our favourite game. I asked if there’s any chances, but she said she had given many and is currently too depleted to try again. I desperately want to make things right to undo the last 2 months and she knows I’ll be taking therapy/counselling again to grow better. I have acknowledged all my mistakes to her with full honesty, she knows we never lied to each other about anything. Before she left I didn’t press on or pressure her for more. Respecting her need for time and space to heal. I agreed to stay as her friend in the meantime while she’s healing, but I’m not sure if she’ll be able to grow that connection back again.
I know she has abandonment issues and anxiety about me not being there for her, so I always tried to be present no matter what. Even during those rough times in the past months, but all the little arguments and bickering had made her felt really distanced. Ever since that day we still talk with each other over text and had calls, though every intimate approach to be a little extra caring from me had been dismissed. I’m preparing for the worst as she is using this healing time to get over me. It’s the least I can do for her is be alongside until she gets better. I’ve been actively improving myself since that day and she knows the effort, if a second try were to happen again I will protect that with everything I’ve learnt from our past. I understand that’s too much of me to ask her right now and she needs to rebuild that ability to be in a relationship again. The other day we called for 2 hours, I sense she still deeply hurt about us and cried, so every time I sense it I immediately stop and redirect the conversation to light hearted banter to stop the pain from the wound I’ve caused. She promised me she’ll tell me when she’s ready again for relationship, but we needed to work on ourselves. However working on ourselves independently seems like we will drift apart further away from each other until eventually cutting ties. Despite I still send her a daily message to check in, but reassuring her ‘no reply is needed’. She gets very anxious if she doesn’t hear from me during the relation and explicitly said if I’m gone for a few days with no presence she’ll definitely break up. So, I try to at least send some sort of reassurance everyday to make sure I’m still here to ease her anxiety, not sure if that’s helping or hurting her. Damaging this last thread of connection further is the last thing I’d want.
It’s been almost a week now we haven’t seen each other and I sense she’s shifting our relationship to platonic, but she gets soft every time the conversation on call gets intimate or dismisses it. I’ve slowly come to accept that she may never love me romantically again, but I still cling onto this hope that when she’s ready I’ll be a better version of the person that had attracted her when we first met.
Thanks to you all for reading my terrible English sob story, hope y’all have nice day and any tips or advice is greatly appreciated❤️