u/catpetter32

I’ve gone on 3 dates in the last 3 weeks with a girl I met on Hinge. She’s super cute and we can talk for hours and I know she likes me. We are very very compatible so far. On our last date she asked if she could kiss me (obvs I said yes but then I kissed her instead of letting her kiss me LOL) but it was a small kiss like mouths basically closed. But we’re just a bit awkward. it’s not uncomfortable, it’s just kinda cute cause we are both definitely into each other.

Anyway, her profile says she’s looking for “short term, open to long” whereas mine says “long term, open to short”. With her, I think i’d only want to pursue things if we both wanted long term. For me, short term would be more like if I met someone who was really hot but we were fundamentally incompatible and I just wanted to be friends with benefits.

Of course I know that I just need to ask her about it next time we hang out (which I think will be Wednesday) but I was wondering, for those of you who are looking for short term relationships, what does that mean for you? Hookups? Genuinely the same as a long term relationship but you break up in a couple months for some reason? I don’t get it

Also, we don’t really text much and I can tell I’m a bit more eager than she is but I’m ok with that for now.

Hey all, I’m 28 and my (now ex) gf is 33. I am from the USA and she is Brazilian, and we both live in the USA. she has lived here for 3.5 years. We were together for about a year and a half and it was sort of a rollercoaster. Most of the time we had so much fun and had insane chemistry, not just sexually but personality-wise. However, the reason we finally ended up breaking up for real is essentially that she feels I don’t let her express her feelings the way that is natural for her.

I’ll give this last argument as an example. We were hanging out and we sort of had plans to go paddleboarding the next day, after seeing each other approx 6 days in a row. I understand that commitment to plans is different across cultures, and people from the US are sometimes seen as flaky/non-committal. That night I slept at my own house (an hour away from her and 45 mins away from my job, for reference) and I texted her good morning my love, I think today I actually prefer to go home after work and take some personal time (to do my laundry, dishes, buy cat food, install AC, etc.) I genuinely did need to do these things pretty urgently and I also thought it would be okay if I decided I wanted a little alone time. Not because I was sick of her, but just because, well, I like to spend time alone sometimes.

She first said [translated] “ok, I brought my bikini with me but I’ll find something else to do. Kisses” I said [it sounds so dumb translated lol] “kisses, my love, I love you”. I understand in retrospect I should’ve seen that she was hurt and I should l apologized immediately for letting her down. she then said “But I think we aren’t ready to move in together then”. (We had been talking seriously about me moving into her apartment, so this was very surprising.) I asked her if she really meant that and she essentially went on to say that if I need space from her after 6 days (without having sleepovers every night), that it doesn’t make any sense to live together.

Then she said I should take 6 days to myself to detox from her. She said she doubted I’d actually stay at home, since it was a beautiful day. she told me not to plan things with her, since she’s not disposable. She sent me an audio where she was audibly pissed off, saying “I know myself enough to know that I DONT want to see you today, I DONT want to see you tomorrow, MAYBE Friday, MAYBE Saturday” (this was on a Tuesday). Then she finally explained herself in a direct way and I sincerely apologized because I totally understand that that sucks to be disappointed like that. I told her it was not my intention at all, and I’m really really sorry I let her down, and in my mind we had like half-plans and I didn’t know it would be a problem if I chose to do something else. I told her that I love spending my time with her and she’s not disposable at all. I also told her that it hurts me when she gets so angry she tells me she doesn’t want to see me all week.

She started bringing up other times when this has happened, and I didn’t know what she was talking about so I asked for an example and she couldn’t give me one. I told her I felt like she was punishing me by saying I needed a week to myself, and she said “ok, let’s keep it open then. It can be one day, two days, three months. Better?”

She said she was not going to make plans with me anymore, and then she said if we make plans I need to sign a contract. I know she obviously didn’t mean it but why would you say that? Just to hurt me? She said things like “when you decide you want my company again, let me know” and “sorry that me feeling bad makes you feel bad”. She said multiple times that I make her pain about myself. She often says “l’ll just have to hide my feelings from now on”.

I just don’t think it’s fair because I DO acknowledge her feelings and validate them. And I also tell her that I wish she would take a pause and a step back if she feels like she’s going to be hurtful to me, but she says I’m not loving every part of her.

This continued the next day, too, with another issue where I feel like I’m a bit more at fault (next day was her birthday and I said I’d prefer to hang out for the afternoon (go over directly after work) and then sleep at home (I can’t go over her house right after work AND sleep over, because of my cat.) I tried to explain that I just really felt like we needed to talk before acting like everything is normal and sleeping together and cuddling, but she told me she must be worth nothing and not even on her birthday can I make an effort to sleep with her, and then she said she was going to cancel the plans she had for later. I told her that if she has straight up told me that it would mean a lot to her if I slept over, I would’ve been happy to oblige. She said it should’ve been obvious. Fair enough.

I told her at one point that sometimes her words and behavior feel manipulative but I should’ve known she wouldn’t be okay with hearing that. It’s a very long story and this is only like 10% of it. But yeah roast me or tell me I’m right or whatever. I have no idea. All I know is I was so tired and I couldn’t do it anymore.

Hey all, I’m 28 and my (now ex) gf is 33. I am from the USA and she is Brazilian, and we both live in the USA. she has lived here for 3.5 years. We were together for about a year and a half and it was sort of a rollercoaster. Most of the time we had so much fun and had insane chemistry, not just sexually but personality-wise. However, the reason we finally ended up breaking up for real is essentially that she feels I don’t let her express her feelings the way that is natural for her.

I’ll give this last argument as an example. We were hanging out and we sort of had plans to go paddleboarding the next day, after seeing each other approx 6 days in a row. I understand that commitment to plans is different across cultures, and people from the US are sometimes seen as flaky/non-committal. That night I slept at my own house (an hour away from her and 45 mins away from my job, for reference) and I texted her good morning my love, I think today I actually prefer to go home after work and take some personal time (to do my laundry, dishes, buy cat food, install AC, etc.) I genuinely did need to do these things pretty urgently and I also thought it would be okay if I decided I wanted a little alone time. Not because I was sick of her, but just because, well, I like to spend time alone sometimes.

She first said [translated] “ok, I brought my bikini with me but I’ll find something else to do. Kisses” I said [it sounds so dumb translated lol] “kisses, my love, I love you”. I understand in retrospect I should’ve seen that she was hurt and I should l apologized immediately for letting her down. she then said “But I think we aren’t ready to move in together then”. (We had been talking seriously about me moving into her apartment, so this was very surprising.) I asked her if she really meant that and she essentially went on to say that if I need space from her after 6 days (without having sleepovers every night), that it doesn’t make any sense to live together.

Then she said I should take 6 days to myself to detox from her. She said she doubted I’d actually stay at home, since it was a beautiful day. she told me not to plan things with her, since she’s not disposable. She sent me an audio where she was audibly pissed off, saying “I know myself enough to know that I DONT want to see you today, I DONT want to see you tomorrow, MAYBE Friday, MAYBE Saturday” (this was on a Tuesday). Then she finally explained herself in a direct way and I sincerely apologized because I totally understand that that sucks to be disappointed like that. I told her it was not my intention at all, and I’m really really sorry I let her down, and in my mind we had like half-plans and I didn’t know it would be a problem if I chose to do something else. I told her that I love spending my time with her and she’s not disposable at all. I also told her that it hurts me when she gets so angry she tells me she doesn’t want to see me all week.

She started bringing up other times when this has happened, and I didn’t know what she was talking about so I asked for an example and she couldn’t give me one. I told her I felt like she was punishing me by saying I needed a week to myself, and she said “ok, let’s keep it open then. It can be one day, two days, three months. Better?”

She said she was not going to make plans with me anymore, and then she said if we make plans I need to sign a contract. I know she obviously didn’t mean it but why would you say that? Just to hurt me? She said things like “when you decide you want my company again, let me know” and “sorry that me feeling bad makes you feel bad”. She said multiple times that I make her pain about myself. She often says “l’ll just have to hide my feelings from now on”.

I just don’t think it’s fair because I DO acknowledge her feelings and validate them. And I also tell her that I wish she would take a pause and a step back if she feels like she’s going to be hurtful to me, but she says I’m not loving every part of her.

This continued the next day, too, with another issue where I feel like I’m a bit more at fault (next day was her birthday and I said I’d prefer to hang out for the afternoon (go over directly after work) and then sleep at home (I can’t go over her house right after work AND sleep over, because of my cat.) I tried to explain that I just really felt like we needed to talk before acting like everything is normal and sleeping together and cuddling, but she told me she must be worth nothing and not even on her birthday can I make an effort to sleep with her, and then she said she was going to cancel the plans she had for later. I told her that if she has straight up told me that it would mean a lot to her if I slept over, I would’ve been happy to oblige. She said it should’ve been obvious. Fair enough.

I told her at one point that sometimes her words and behavior feel manipulative but I should’ve known she wouldn’t be okay with hearing that. It’s a very long story and this is only like 10% of it. But yeah roast me or tell me I’m right or whatever. I have no idea. All I know is I was so tired and I couldn’t do it anymore.