u/cawsmawr1990

Hi, I’m 35M and my partner (36F) of 10 years struggles badly with depression and anxiety caused by some pretty serious abuse as a child, and has now reached a point where she has decided she wants to end her life.

This is something she has suffered with for a very long time, but it has never been as bad as it is now. There was childhood abuse which has caused PTSD, which I only became aware of in the last 2–3 years. She doesn’t leave the house anymore and has completely severed all contact with her friends and family, leaving me as the only person she sees or speaks to each day. She’s recently started experiencing some chronic health issues because of her constant stress, which has really pushed her over the edge. I’ve listened to her talking about it and her reasoning for wanting to do it, but I just cannot accept it.

Every time I tell her how I feel, I try to be sensitive to her feelings and not make her feel like I’m making this about me, but I often end up losing my cool and making her feel like I’m being selfish. I find it so hard when she talks about herself in the past tense and says that nothing in her life has been worth it. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I get so upset that she thinks our 10+ years together hasn’t meant anything — and that I’ll just move on like nothing happened when she’s gone.

I’ve taken her to the doctors and got her anti-depressants, but she refuses to take them because of their potential side effects and because she doesn’t want to mask her issues with medication. I do understand that, but I’ve tried explaining that the medication is there to help her get back on an even keel so she can work on the underlying problems. She doesn’t want to know. She is fixated on dying and is now actively making plans — writing letters to loved ones and arranging what she wants done afterwards.

I’ve contacted my local mental health crisis team and they’ve been next to no use, because she isn’t at immediate risk — she keeps telling me she’ll do it on her own terms when she’s ready, and that it won’t be any time soon but I’m really not sure I can take her word for that.

Apologies if this sounds like rambling — it’s currently 3am and my adrenaline is through the roof after another conversation where she essentially tried to convince me that suicide is the right option. Obviously I will never accept that, but I do understand the feeling of hopelessness where nothing seems like it will ever get better. Maybe because I’ve never reached that point myself, it’s harder for me to fully understand.

My emotions are all over the place. I already see a therapist, which has been a great help — he keeps reminding me that whatever decision she makes is hers, not mine. But I can’t shake the feeling that if she does follow through, the overwhelming emotion I’ll be left with is guilt that I didn’t do enough. Right now I feel sad, scared, dejected, and even angry. My dad is also currently dying of terminal cancer, so there’s a hell of a lot on my plate — which does, unfairly, make me feel angry at her for adding to it. I feel terrible that I can’t make any of this better, and that part of me just wants to get as far away from it as possible.

She struggles a lot with her self-image and I think there may be some body dysmorphia at play. She often says there’s nothing stopping me from leaving her. Honestly? I’m reaching a point where I do want to leave — not because of how she looks, but because of the constant negativity and all of her frustrations get taken out on me because I’m now the only person she hasn’t pushed out of her life.

I don’t mean to sound shitty, but part of me wishes she hadn’t told me any of this, because I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
I know this reads like a bit of a whinge, which really isn’t my intention but thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far.

Has anyone else ever been through something like this and hopefully come out the other side? Any advice, experience, or input would be genuinely appreciated.

Hi, I’m 35M and my partner (36F) of 10 years struggles badly with depression and anxiety caused by some pretty serious abuse as a child, and has now reached a point where she has decided she wants to end her life.

This is something she has suffered with for a very long time, but it has never been as bad as it is now. There was childhood abuse which has caused PTSD, which I only became aware of in the last 2–3 years. She doesn’t leave the house anymore and has completely severed all contact with her friends and family, leaving me as the only person she sees or speaks to each day. She’s recently started experiencing some chronic health issues because of her constant stress, which has really pushed her over the edge. I’ve listened to her talking about it and her reasoning for wanting to do it, but I just cannot accept it.

Every time I tell her how I feel, I try to be sensitive to her feelings and not make her feel like I’m making this about me, but I often end up losing my cool and making her feel like I’m being selfish. I find it so hard when she talks about herself in the past tense and says that nothing in her life has been worth it. I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I get so upset that she thinks our 10+ years together hasn’t meant anything — and that I’ll just move on like nothing happened when she’s gone.

I’ve taken her to the doctors and got her anti-depressants, but she refuses to take them because of their potential side effects and because she doesn’t want to mask her issues with medication. I do understand that, but I’ve tried explaining that the medication is there to help her get back on an even keel so she can work on the underlying problems. She doesn’t want to know. She is fixated on dying and is now actively making plans — writing letters to loved ones and arranging what she wants done afterwards.

I’ve contacted my local mental health crisis team and they’ve been next to no use, because she isn’t at immediate risk — she keeps telling me she’ll do it on her own terms when she’s ready, and that it won’t be any time soon but I’m really not sure I can take her word for that.

Apologies if this sounds like rambling — it’s currently 3am and my adrenaline is through the roof after another conversation where she essentially tried to convince me that suicide is the right option. Obviously I will never accept that, but I do understand the feeling of hopelessness where nothing seems like it will ever get better. Maybe because I’ve never reached that point myself, it’s harder for me to fully understand.

My emotions are all over the place. I already see a therapist, which has been a great help — he keeps reminding me that whatever decision she makes is hers, not mine. But I can’t shake the feeling that if she does follow through, the overwhelming emotion I’ll be left with is guilt that I didn’t do enough. Right now I feel sad, scared, dejected, and even angry. My dad is also currently dying of terminal cancer, so there’s a hell of a lot on my plate — which does, unfairly, make me feel angry at her for adding to it. I feel terrible that I can’t make any of this better, and that part of me just wants to get as far away from it as possible.

She struggles a lot with her self-image and I think there may be some body dysmorphia at play. She often says there’s nothing stopping me from leaving her. Honestly? I’m reaching a point where I do want to leave — not because of how she looks, but because of the constant negativity and all of her frustrations get taken out on me because I’m now the only person she hasn’t pushed out of her life.

I don’t mean to sound shitty, but part of me wishes she hadn’t told me any of this, because I genuinely don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.
I know this reads like a bit of a whinge, which really isn’t my intention but thank you for reading if you’ve made it this far.

Has anyone else ever been through something like this and hopefully come out the other side? Any advice, experience, or input would be genuinely appreciated.

So my partner has been suffering with Rosacea since around the start of this year. We’ve been to a GP who has prescribed her Metrogel to try first to see if that makes any difference which sounds like a logical first step to me, but she is really struggling with the fact she has this condition. She has always struggled with anxiety & depression, especially about the way she looks which makes leaving the house very difficult for her. I’ve tried to educate myself on Rosacea to try and help and be supportive by suggesting things to try to relieve the symptoms, but she won’t do anything because she is convinced that it will permanently disfigure and deform her face, and as a result is refusing to use the Metrogel because she is convinced that will also make things worse.

I don’t mean to be dismissive but it does feel like she’s looking for all the worst case scenarios and treating them as something which will absolutely happen. From everything I’ve read, it sounds like something that can get worse if it’s untreated but is a chronic condition nonetheless. Am I being naive here or is she right to feel the way she does? Her rosacea seems mild compared to other examples online but I totally appreciate that a facial skin condition can be very debilitating and cause anxiety for a lot of people - but she is absolutely distraught by this and has sent depression to a whole new low. She cries constantly, can’t get out of bed, checks her face in the mirror every couple of minutes and thinks it is a death sentence for her.

I fully appreciate that it’s different for everyone and if I sound like I’ve been dismissive or ignorant of the condition in any way, I sincerely apologise. But I want to be sure that I’m not understating her feelings about how the future may look like with this condition and am interested to hear other peoples experiences. Any advice would be greatly appreciated