u/cedarchai

I’m cupioromantic but have never felt romantic attraction. I always wanted to have the importance and strength of a bond romantic relationships seem to have. It turns out platonic relationships can be just as strong and meaningful! You can also have all the qualities you want from a romantic relationship without it being romantic or involving romantic feelings.

For example, what I always wanted was cuddling, emotional intimacy, and exclusivity. Idk why it took me so long to realize you can have that without it being a romantic relationship.

Side note: I still kinda mourn not having the life I thought I would, but that’s weird because I don’t even want the life I thought I was going to have?? I’m just as fulfilled with QPR’s. But on paper, a romantic relationship just seems so nice…

I’m tired of keeping these emotions to myself and I want more people to know my experience so I’m posting here. There is no TLDR because that’s basically the title, the whole story needs its context.

I (20ftm) was in a long distance relationship with another trans man (at the time I was 19 and he was 18). This was before I realized I was aromantic (already knew I was ace). I thought I fell in love, but in hindsight I now know it was just REALLY strong platonic attraction. Either way, I was really attached to this guy. We started off very well and to my knowledge it was super healthy. He was so kind, nicer to me than most people my age are to me. I just thought that’s what comes with relationships, since I only had one prior to this. (Spoiler alert, it was love bombing). He eventually started to get distant, about 4 months in. When I asked about it, he explained he was just busy with work. Until eventually he talked to me about once a month. Only once a month and it was like a sentence. Now my dumb ahh thought once his work was done we’d be back to normal. My friends were even like bro no one can be THAT busy. But after about three months of this I was done being the patient bf and broke it off. Yes, three months. I was so “in love” with him and I yearned to return to how we used to be. This whole relationship was very short, 8 months, but the bond I formed to him was a bit too extreme. His mom called me a month later to explain some things. My ex ofc was cheating halfway through the relationship, and spent his time not at work (which ended after a month of it starting) but with his new gf. On top of that, he told everyone that I knew and was ok with it. When his sister asked to have my tiktok to confirm this, he said I didn’t have tiktok. I do, we used to send each other videos every day. He also spread many other lies, claiming his family ab*sed him (they very much did not) and almost got them in legal trouble for those claims. The claims were quickly debunked and nothing happened. He also told me that he had DID, which I now have reason to suspect was also a lie, because not only was he a pathological liar but looking back on it, his “symptoms” didn’t seem realistic in comparison to people who really have DID (now I don’t have it myself so idk for sure). There’s a bunch of other small things he did that I can’t quite remember, but they weren’t good. He moved out, and his family cut contact with him and took his phone away. I have no idea how he’s doing now. I guiltily admit that I hope he’s not doing well. He caused me so much pain (I HATE HATE lies) and I feel so betrayed. Idek if he even cared for me in the first place. He never physically hurt me or said anything mean, but it still hurts nonetheless. I just feel like I need more closure than what I got, but I also think I need to be more grateful that I got an answer at all. I was so afraid he’d hate me or beat himself up over not texting me. Clearly he doesn’t. Idk, things could’ve gone a lot worse and there are people who have worse exes but even these small things just eat at me.

If you’re wondering why I stayed, idk either. I had more hopes than I needed. I was being too nice.
I know this is asking a lot for the internet, but pls don’t judge me T-T