u/chip-butty-lover

Sorry I just need a place to rant. If the mods feel this is inappropriate please remove the post.

My family has been in a really tough spot now financially and emotionally. My brother has a son and a daughter on the way in a few months.

The family business is sinking fast and we might declare for insolvency come the end of the year. I know my brother has a lot on his plate now (he's not been sleeping because he's one of the key personnel in the company also) and he's been having sleepless nights.

I've always known since I was young that he never liked me. Being the youngest in the family, I do feel way more protected than he ever was. He always did say he wished I were more. It's been an on/off thing for years now and I've grown to accept he really does hate my guts.

Today was unusually bad....because during our argument he starts trauma dumping me and saying he's suicidal and that I couldn't possibly understand how to take care of his family. He says that he's been disappointed in me for years now but never complains to our mother about it. I felt really upset about that and said “What did I do?" to which he responds "that's my point. You never do anything. You're not helping anything."

He then says the most hurtful thing I've heard: "As an older brother, I am disappointed in how you turned out. I wish other people were my brother instead."

I knew he hated my guts but this one really stung because from his voice it did feel like he meant it for real. And now I'm here in the other room crying my eyes out wondering what I can do to even fix this? Is there anything worth fixing here?....

I've been lurking this subreddit a lot and after a lot of hesitation, I sold my laptop (albeit at a loss). A lot of the posts here have given me motivation and desire to make my life better. It was the only way for me to quit playing video games permanently. I tried a host of methods like quitting cold turkey, limiting play time to weekends and even installing an app blocker on my laptop.

I've been unemployed for a year unable to find a job and mooching off my parents like a parasite. Up until now my daily routine would be breakfast, doing laundry then going to my room where I would be cooped up playing some shitty live-service game like Fallout 76, Counter Strike or Arc Raiders. I'd only come out for lunch or dinner then scurry back to my room.

Starting today (10/07/26) I'm putting down video games for good. It's gonna be tough to overcome the boredom but I have to. It's the only way to make my life better and not turn into a loser.