u/chrisalanw0111

I’m in a bit of a tough spot right now and could really use some perspective on my ethical responsibilities moving forward.

​I’m a 43-year-old guy, fairly attractive, successful, own my home, and generally have my life together. About nine months ago, a year-long relationship of mine came to a sudden end. From my perspective, it was a great relationship, and I fully intended to ask her to marry me someday. Then, out of nowhere, everything fell apart when she discovered a part of my past I hadn't shared.

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​Thanks to some obsessive snooping by her ex-husband, word got back to her that I’d had a short fling (about a month or so) with a guy I met online years ago. It happened so long ago that I hardly ever think about it, but once she found out, it was all she could focus on.

​While I don't typically broadcast it, if anyone asks, I am openly bisexual. That said, I am not actively seeking men; I haven't been with a guy since last decade. However, this breakup has left me feeling like my potential dating pool is severely damaged.

​Not bringing it up worked perfectly fine for close to a year—until it suddenly didn't.

​I'm at a loss for how to handle this in future relationships and would appreciate some advice:

​Option 1: Complete upfront honesty. Do I disclose this as soon as I get to know someone?

​Option 2: Keep it private. Do I simply not bring it up, consider it my own private history, and hope for the best?

​Option 3: Accept a smaller dating pool. Is this just a reality I have to brace myself for?

​What am I supposed to do here? I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and lonely. Any advice, insight, or outside perspective on how you would look at this situation would be greatly appreciated.

I've got twin 15-year-old daughters who are both autistic, and it seems that they are going to need some level of care for the rest of their life. I don't blame them, they never asked to be born. I can't say that I'm "happy" to be their dad either 😭. That DESTROYS my soul to say that, but it's the honest truth.

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Their mom has basically given up on them. She does the basics to keep them alive, but does nothing to teach them how to be ladies nor does she do anything to help teach them progress in life. She is content to let them stay at the level that they are at forever. Never challenging them, therefore they don't have any drive to be better. They get different messages from us about what It means to be a productive member of society.

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I don't know what to do anymore. My career is very physically demanding. I'm 43 now, and I'd probably be able to retire at 55 if I didn't have to worry about them. As it is, It feels like I'm going to be taking care of them and myself until the day that I die. When that day comes, I can't help but wonder how far they would be behind. I can't even trust them to make toast. I've unloaded more than 1 fire extinguisher putting out their attempt at breakfast.

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At what point do I have to put my health and needs above theirs. I'm physically drained, emotionally exhausted, and very lonely. It's very hard to find a partner who would be willing to commit to their care in the future, after highschool. I don't blame those women, I don't think that I would willingly sign up for that, either.

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I'd give anything for a glimmer of hope for their future. I know that even neurotypical people are looking for rays of hope these days, so I know I'm not alone. However, that doesn't give me any relief in the "here and now". I barely have the desire to get out of bed these days. I'd be content to hide underneath the bed sheets most of the day.

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Alas, I have to get up and supervise the morning routine. Making sure that the most basic of human functions are completed. What do I do? I'm so exhausted, I don't really even know how to pose the question. Do I put my needs first? I kind of look at it as the oxygen mask that comes down when the plane is about to crash. I can only help someone else if I save myself first, but then I feel like I'm a selfish person for doing so. I'm so lost, and I don't have a flashlight to see a map that doesn't exist to begin with. 😔

Just trying to get a feel for what I'm about to experience, I suppose.