To The Girl In The Little Beetle
Chapter one: ...I would rather walk slowly and honestly beside you than try to force something before its time.
Dear Girl In The Little Beetle, 21-06-26
I have been thinking a great deal lately, and I wanted to put a few things on paper, not because I expect anything from you, but simply because I want you to understand where my heart is, I hope the following words can give you a better insight… and you said you love letters, so here is a lekker in-depth one, the likes of which I have never written before
Apologies for typing and not writing, but the letters I give you are seldom first-draft versions, and rewriting this seven times would consume a small forest. Besides, I forgot my exam pad in the bakkie, and without margin lines my handwriting goes completely sideways… so we type! (I have always wanted an old-school, proper tap, tap, tap, ding! typewriter)
I know life is complicated at the moment, and I know there are things you need to work through in your own time. I do not want to rush you, pressure you, or make your life any more difficult than it already is. What matters most to me is that whatever decisions you make, they are made because they bring you peace, joy, and happiness.
I care deeply about you, and that has not changed. But caring about someone also means respecting their circumstances and allowing them the space they need. I promise to do that. I would rather walk slowly and honestly beside you than try to force something before its time.
Chapter 2 The Battle Between Head and Heart
There is something else I want you to know.
By nature, I am actually rather level-headed, and I have always preferred to make decisions with my head and not only my heart. In truth, I have often trusted the cooler, calculating side of myself, the one that says, "Don't let chemical reactions in your brain, cloud your judgement. Think with your head, not your heart, facts over emotions, this is the way."
Like I told you, I even tried to avoid you at first.
The moment I first saw you, I felt an attraction that caught me completely by surprise. But the calculating part of me looked at the emotional part and said, "Grow up, u/cmjrestrike. Stop seeing things that are only in your mind. Tomorrow you'll feel better."
"This girl is probably already in a relationship. She's new here. She's probably not interested. Just leave her be. Don't be the stereotypical guy creeping over the pretty new girl at work, it’s pathetic."
And if I am being honest, I wasn't searching for romance. I had made my peace with being on my own and had settled comfortably into my own little world. I had my routines, my dreams, and my life, and while there had always been a quiet place inside me that longed for something more, I had accepted that perhaps it would simply remain that way I simply did my own thing, answered to no one, slept with a clear conscience, and lived free from worry and regret
Not with bitterness.
Not with sadness.
Just with a deep sense of peace and calm.
Because for all my hopes and dreams, I had convinced myself that there were better uses for my time than chasing romance and riding emotional rollercoasters, emotionally exhausting myself for no good reason
Not long before you came into my life, I had all but made peace with the idea that perhaps love simply wasn't meant for me, the same as its not meant for every person out there… some find it, and some do not. And truthfully, I was okay with that. I had grown rather sceptical of modern relationships and jokingly concluded that the dating world was something of a dumpster fire. I had drawn a line in the sand and decided I was done chasing castles in the sky, life is not some movie or series… there is a whole world out there, single or not, go and live a fulfilling and happy life, your happiness is not in another person, its inside of you yourself, don’t get hung up chasing castles in the sky
So, when my heart started taking an interest in you, my head quite reasonably asked,
"Why? Why are you doing this to yourself? You're perfectly fine. Why chase after this girl you don't even want to be chasing?"
Chapter 3 Chocolate, Coffee, and the Slippery Slope
Then came the chocolate and coffee.
It was simply a thanks for opening the gate and something warm because it was a cold day that day.
And when you later told me that you had kept the wrapper in your memory box, I remember thinking, "No. If I am going to end up in a memory box, I would much rather it be as a letter than an empty sweets wrapper."
So, I wrote you a simple little note telling you to keep being awesome with a small picture.
And somewhere in the process, while trying to trace a tiny VW Beetle onto the page and risking my poor computer monitor in the process, I distinctly remember thinking to myself,
"You do realise this is exactly the sort of slippery slope you promised yourself you wouldn't go down."
Looking back now, I think I noticed the slope long before I admitted that I had already stepped onto it.
Because despite all the sensible arguments and all my attempts to remain detached… and trust me, I tried… something about you quietly found its way past all of my carefully laid defences, past my reasoning and logic
And somewhere along the way, without fanfare and certainly without my permission, you quietly ran away with my head and found a home in my heart, one that I had sworn was welded shut to this kind of intrusion.
Chapter 4 Building a Home, Not a Cage
I love deeply, perhaps more deeply than I ever expected. And while every part of me wants to hold you close and protect what I feel, I am slowly learning that love is not about possession, nor is it about holding on so tightly that the other person cannot breathe.
I am realising that perhaps the strongest embrace is the one that leaves the other person free.
As much as I may want to hold you tightly and keep you close, I want you to be happy, free, and at peace, both now and in the future. I do not want to build a gilded cage; I want to build a home.
I do not want you to simply look happy and laugh at my jokes, I want it to be real.
And when I speak of building a home, I do not mean walls and a roof. I mean creating a place in one another's hearts where we can truly be ourselves.
I want to give you the space to grow, to breathe, and to simply be you.
And I hope that, with time, patience, and trust, I might become someone with whom you feel safe enough to share not only your dreams and deepest desires, but also your fears, worries, and the things that weigh heavily on your heart.
I do not want you to feel that you must always wear a brave face, carry your burdens alone, or sit quietly with sadness because you fear being a burden to someone else.
I want to be someone who listens.
Someone who seeks to understand before being understood.
Someone with whom you can laugh without restraint, cry without shame, speak without fear, and rest without needing to pretend that everything is always okay.
Because to me, love is not merely sharing in one another's joys but also being willing to sit together in life's storms, shoulder to shoulder, and remind one another that neither of us has to face them alone.
Not because we are strong all the time, but because we are willing to be vulnerable with one another.
I think there is something beautiful about being able to remove the armour we wear for the rest of the world and simply come home.
Chapter 5 Brick by Brick
Perhaps it is a bold dream, but I have seen what real love can look like. I have seen people who, after five decades together, still love each other with the same tenderness they had when they first met.
Maybe I am old-fashioned, maybe I am fussy, but I have always wanted quality over quantity. I have never wanted a relationship simply for the sake of having one.
I believe that something which came into our lives so naturally deserves to be nurtured carefully and deliberately. Great things are not rushed. Foundations are laid brick by brick, and I believe that is how something truly lasting is built.
Whatever decisions you make, you have my support. Not because I lack convictions, but because I care enough about you that your peace, your freedom, and your happiness matter deeply to me.
Please never mistake my affection, my gifts, my desire to make you smile, or the little things I do for attempts to buy your love or earn your approval. I do those things simply because I want to. Because loving you inspires me to do them. Not out of obligation, fear, or expectation, but out of joy.
I am far from perfect. I have my faults, my insecurities, and more than enough rough edges. But with humility and hope, I believe that if we are meant to walk this road together, and if we navigate it with patience, honesty, and faith, we could build something rare and beautiful.
Not because others admire it, but because it brings peace, laughter, trust, and joy to the two hearts that call it home.
And I want you to know something else.
If that day ever comes when we freely choose one another, I will never see it as a victory or a finish line, as though I somehow "won" you.
You are not a prize to be claimed, and love is not a trophy to be placed upon a shelf.
To me, that day would simply mark the beginning of another chapter.
Not the end of a journey, but the beginning of building a life together.
Because I do not dream of a fairy-tale ending.
I dream of ordinary mornings, quiet evenings, silly jokes, shared smiles, supporting one another through difficult times, celebrating the good times, and choosing each other over and over again.
Brick by brick.
Day by day.
Year by year.
Chapter 6 Why My Letters Are Serious
Perhaps there is one thing I should explain.
Sometimes I worry that I may come across as though all I ever do is tell you how wonderful you are or speak about serious things.
Please don't think that.
I absolutely want to know your favourite foods, your favourite colours, your hobbies, your little quirks, the strange ways you do things, and all the countless little details that make you uniquely you. And I hope you come to know all those details about me
Those things matter to me.
They are simply things I hope to learn face to face, person to person, through shared moments, silly conversations, quiet evenings, and all the ordinary little experiences that make up a life together.
And perhaps that is why my letters and messages often sound more serious.
Writing has somehow become my way of sharing the inside of my head with you.
The thoughts, the hopes, the fears, and the things that matter deeply to me.
Chapter 7 The Heart I've Seen
Because while I care about your favourite pizzas and whether or not you take sugar in your coffee, I also care deeply about the things beneath those details.
I care about what makes a person who they are.
And although I may not yet know all those little facts about you, I have seen things in you that speak far louder to me.
I see someone who keeps memory boxes.
Someone who raised the eggs of a snail because life mattered to her.
Someone who has endured hardships and difficulties and yet still chooses kindness.
Someone who opens gates for people, who collects little rocks, and who finds joy in simple things.
Those small moments tell me far more about the kind of person you are than whether or not you enjoy pineapple on pizza.
Not because those details are unimportant.
They are fun, and they matter too.
But to me, the heart behind the person matters even more.
Chapter 8 About Everything
And perhaps that is why I see so much in such a short time.
Not because I think I know everything about you.
I don't.
And I wouldn't want to.
Because discovering those things, one conversation, one laugh, one shared experience at a time, is part of the joy.
I've seen enough of your heart to know that I would love the privilege of discovering the rest.
Not all at once.
Not by reading a list of facts.
But by simply sharing life with you.
And perhaps that is why I think aloud so much and why I sometimes share more than I should.
Not because I wish to overwhelm you, nor because I am trying to love-bomb you.
Quite the opposite.
I simply believe that openness and communication, whether easy or difficult, joyful or painful, should be among the cornerstones of any relationship worth building.
I would much rather risk over-sharing than under-sharing.
Because I would rather be known honestly than admired for a mask.
And if I am fortunate enough to walk this road with you, I hope we never stop talking.
About the silly things.
About the serious things.
About the dreams.
About the fears.
About everything.
Because I believe that understanding one another's minds and caring for one another's hearts is every bit as important as knowing how many sugars the other person takes in their coffee.
And if, years from now, I still find myself learning new things about you, I don't think I would consider that a failure.
I think I would consider it one of life's greatest privileges.
Chapter 9 Another Chapter
For all my faults and insecurities, I carry a quiet hope that what came so unexpectedly and so naturally between us may, with time and care, grow into something extraordinary.
Not because we are perfect, but because two imperfect people, free in heart and clear in mind, chose one another completely.
And even then, I suspect I would still wake up some mornings, look over at you, and wonder how on earth the girl in the Beetle managed to outsmart the man who was so determined not to fall in love.
Until then, please take all the time and space you need. I will respect that.
Because as much as I love you, your happiness means more to me than my fears.
And if life allows our paths to become one, I hope it will never be because either of us felt trapped, burdened, or obligated, but because we were both free, and freely choose one another.
And, just so you know, I still maintain that sushi remains an entirely acceptable form of bribery should the authorities ever uncover our alleged penguin-smuggling operation. And if nothing else, I hope one day you look back on all of this and smile, knowing that
somewhere out there was a stubborn man who tried very hard not to fall in love with the girl in the little Beetle... and failed rather spectacularly
With affection, hope, and faith,
u/cmjrestrike