u/completime

I lost my Loop Engage earplugs which I need to use in movie theaters. But I’m not that distraught because the silicone hurts my ears.

I don’t have small ear canals, but the skin in there is really sensitive so any harder material irritates it. I used the XS size of Loops for the least pressure but it still hurts.

Meanwhile I can wear large foam earplugs all day and be fine.

I’m wondering, are there foam earplugs that are similar to Loop? Ones that only block out some noise? I’d assume there’d be some cheap shit on amazon or aliexpress that could do the job, but I’m struggling with search results.

Or some other alternative idk.

(btw regarding movie theaters: I have used audio assistive tech in the past, which would have been a life saver, but the quality of it has been so poor it’s such a shame!)

I see/read a lot of SPD accounts where people have/had a normal social life, but simply participate in a detached/begrudging manner, or often refuse invitations.

I kind of just never got invited to anything, never formed social circles, etc. I was very friendly with my schoolmates and have always been well liked by people. I am always someone's "favorite" outside of their own friends. But it ends there.

Internally I closed myself off from a young age, but I was very fixated on appearing 'normal' so I was externally very open towards others, even if this was fake.

But every year, it was like my life just shut off when I left school. And I'd go to my nothing home and do nothing, waiting to go back to school where all the action was.

When I was older, I was a bit more involved with a couple of people individually, but these were tumultuous relationships, and we struggled greatly with the difference of being together/away. Every new year, every break, every weekend was like I died and disappeared from the world.

So when it comes to my knowledge of making friends, It's like like I'm stuck behind a wall, vaguely understanding things (such as how to act towards others), but still completely blind and unable to step through.

I can sit here and come up with theories on why I struggled socially; my lifelong absence of healthy dialectical relationships, diagnosed ASD as a child, closing myself off, a few environmental situations, a few cases of bad luck. But nothing stands out. The ball just never started rolling, things just never fell into place. And this sort of path is true for other stuff as well (e.g. jobs). I think I just suck at life.

I don't experience FOMO because I don't even know what social lives, outings, or parties are like in the first place. It's a lack of knowledge that stresses me out. At work, they inquired if I wanted to train for bartending, and I refused. I explained that I don't go out to bars so I don't know how they work, and I don't know alcohol. They thought I was sober or something. I drink at home. I worry I looked incompetent, and it felt like admitting I was a failure.

I'd rather have a few experiences that I claim I hated, or be asked to do something and turn it down, than never have anything happen to me at all.