u/complexcrispss

So I took my hijab off 10 years ago when I was in my teens and put it back on now, the last time I wore it was ages ago and I remember non Muslim men not even glancing in your direction if you had a hijab on, now 10 years later I see them checking out other hijabis including me and I find it kind of strange.

Yes I know men will notice attractive women regardless of hijab or not but 10 year ago it was not like this, hijabis were off limits.

Please share your thoughts

So last month was the biggest realisation moment, it all fully clicked. Me and my mother are super enmeshed and she wasn’t as great as she thought she was. Now she wasn’t evil or narcissistic per se but she was sooo emotionally immature oh my goodness.

Anyway I’m starting to have flash backs of things that happened in my childhood, why is it all pouring in now😞.
I remember being forced to do her friends makeup when they’re going to a wedding, literally she will sign me up for unpaid labour. She would make me do our nieces makeup and hair too mind you they’re like 14 and I’m tired as hell but she never takes no for an answer.

I also remember vividly not being able to have fun, I would lie and say it was an awful time when I go out so she can leave me alone. If it was fun she’s not happy. She was super involved with my friends and who was good and who was bad ( she disliked everyone’) and would pray regularly that God removes them from my life. Granted my dumb ass used to overshare sooo much and it cost me everything now.

I don’t know which stage of healing I’m in but I keep remembering random things she did and getting soo mad, I never want to be like that. I want my kids to have autonomy, to be able to say no, to express themselves. At my grown age I get a panic attack after saying no to someone like wtf is that bro.

After training at the gym for 3 years and doing multiple cut/bulk cycles I’ve found that the luteal week just before my period is soooo draining, when I work out during that week it increases my stress levels/cortisol and my mood swings are horrible.

Recently I’ve started down shifting and trying new things, now I work out and strength train normally for 3 weeks per month and the luteal week I swim/go sauna and chill the hell out. Omg my inflammation dropped, acne cleared up, sleep is a lot better and feel sooo much happier, by the time I go back to the gym again I’m excited.

The best fitness routine is the one that keeps you balanced, I’m soo done with being rigid about everything because that cost me my health last year.

I am severely enmeshed with one of my parents, actively breaking it down currently. I didn’t realise until well into my adulthood but now I realise how suffocating I must have been to my partners.

I would smother them, want to live inside their bones, need constant texting or reassurance, space felt like rejection, when they go out with their friends I would be annoyed. I essentially wanted their life to revolve around me subconsciously and I can understand how horrible that feeling is.

Has anyone noticed this about themselves?
Like why on earth do I think love means constant closeness

If you met a potential whether man or woman who is pious now but had a small tattoo in a coverable spot on their body how would you feel about it?. They also mentioned it was whilst they were not very practising years ago and plan to eventually remove it?