u/cosmicmoon_89

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

I wouldn't say I grew up in a toxic household. Even though my parents have manipulative personalities, I wasn't really affected because I was the youngest daughter, and life was pretty easy for me. It was my older siblings who faced most of the problems. After my younger brother was born, I slowly became the "middle child," and that's when I started facing reality.

I wouldn't say my parents are evil, Alhamdulillah. They provide for me, and I've never been physically abused. It's more like the typical Desi household where you pay the price through emotional and mental stress in return for living under their roof.

When my older sister used to vent to me about how hurt she was by our parents, I never truly understood her pain. It wasn't until I found myself in the same position after she got married and left home that I finally understood. She got married mainly to escape because she knew she couldn't grow any further while living here. Alhamdulillah, she's much happier now.

In my family, the women usually only study until 10th grade. Since we live abroad, my sister managed to study until 12th grade, but she eventually had to give up because she had no support from the family. As for me, after many failed attempts, I somehow managed to get into college, Alhamdulillah. It's probably the biggest achievement of my life.

When I got into college, I thought I had finally found a way to escape without having to marry young. Marriage has always scared me because I've seen too many failed marriages, and I don't want to become another example.

But now I'm slowly realizing that even after I graduate, I probably won't be allowed to work because the entire household depends on me. The only way I'd be able to leave is if I got married, because then they wouldn't be able to keep me at home anymore.

By "the household depends on me," I mean cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the house. My mother isn't healthy. She has many allergies and other health issues, so if she does all the household work continuously for even a week, she'll become very sick.

Looking at everything now, I've realized I can't escape through education or a job like I once hoped. The only realistic way out seems to be marriage.

The problem is that I don't want to get married right now, especially not to the kinds of proposals my father brings. He only seems to care about financial status, regardless of the man's age or whether we'd be compatible.

So I wanted to ask those of you who grew up in toxic Desi households: how did you manage to leave or build an independent life without getting married? I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

Assalamu alaikum sisters,

I wanted to ask something that has been on my mind lately.

How much does your menstrual cycle affect your emotions, thoughts, and overall outlook on life?

I've noticed that during certain parts of my cycle, especially around ovulation, I can feel very different emotionally. Sometimes I feel more attached to people, think more about relationships, crave emotional connection, or feel stronger emotions in general. Then a week or two later, I look back and wonder why I felt things so intensely.

It's not only about relationships either. My motivation, confidence, deen, worries about the future, and even the way I view situations can feel different depending on where I am in my cycle.

As Muslim women, I feel like we don't always talk openly about how hormones can affect us emotionally and mentally. Sometimes I wonder whether a feeling is genuinely coming from me or whether hormones are amplifying it.

Have any of you noticed patterns in:

\- Attachment to people?

\- Missing someone more than usual?

\- Anxiety or overthinking?

\- Motivation for worship?

\- Confidence and self-esteem?

\- Feeling content with life vs feeling dissatisfied?

\- Attraction and thoughts about marriage?

How do you personally separate genuine feelings from temporary hormonal intensity?

I'd love to hear your experiences, especially from sisters who have tracked their cycle for a long time and noticed recurring patterns.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.