u/coznobodyslistening

Few months ago I felt like I had a spiritual epiphany, I shed some old layers of beliefs and felt so hopeful but now I feel nothing, and I feel like I'm being sunk into the void. I just feel like nothing matters, and I dont want anything from life anymore. The spark has left my body.

For awhile now I lost all interest in life, I wouldn't call myself suicidal or manic but I do fantasize or think about death a lot. Im high functioning adult, i have a social life , i work out and stay active but it's all for pretend if I had an opportunity just to lay somewhere I would. I dont want family to notice so I look normal but in my head and my heart it's bunch of nothingness. I dont have dreams or goals, I did and even when I would achieve them it didn't feel like anything and once again I pretend like I enjoy it. The spark is gone and nothing brings joy.

I can't share my face, it's too personal but for awhile now I lost interest in life, I pretend and function because I dont want my family to suspect anything. Just fantasize about death all the time, I'm 36F I have no interest in building a career, starting a family etc nothing seems to excite me. I look normal, I have a social life, I'm not depressed just the spark is gone...idk how else to explain how I feel or what state I am in.

I had a dream that I borrowed a car from an acquaintance and he gave me his brand new car, I couldn't figure out how to drive it, because pedals were weird and my feet wasn't able to touch them. After hours of trying i gave up, and also car was very cluttered and saw bunch $100 bills stashed in different places all throughout the car.

What does it mean?