u/crispycookiebooklet

I genuinely can hear the “where‘s your partner?” and see my friends share their lives with a SO when I stay alone.

the more I age the less it‘ll get better. I guess I should stick to the “independent, funny, ugly“ friend 💀

bc it would come by itself all the time. naturally and organically. ppl would line up and I would be able to genuinely enjoy someone else affection for once.

if the relationship doesn’t work ou? we break up, we are sad, but another one is gonna come around because I’m beautiful and I’ll finally feel like I’m worthy of a man attention. I’ll finally have a face to love.

but oh well…here we are.

my bad for the vent I just hate myself

you cry at night, because you know no amount of self pleasuring will make someone love you or share a moment of intimacy with you.

whatever I do it’s not enough because I just don’t look right. and I’ll never do.

I just wish I could relate in experience to all those songs I listen to.

I just suck like that.

i enjoy the things i do, how i evolve. im grateful of what I’ve and i want to keep growing ofc. but love isn’t about that. desire isn’t about that. it’s about things out of my control and it makes me sad because im too out of luck to be formed the way I am, in the environment I am in.

I just sigh as I observe the romantic love around me. funny how life is sometimes.

im not religious, so I can’t comfort myself by telling myself im waiting for marriage or something.

im waiting for someone to love me and desire me. Someone I can trust. no ‘marriage waiting’ Involved. which should make things easier but since im ugly and no man’s type or ideal its basically waiting for a unicorn. dating is hell in this case.

ao it leaves me with either: a) the pity party: being in a relationship with a guy even if I know he is obviously not attracted to me and he’s settling (bc a man will never value me genuinely since im not attractive).

or b) used sock: I go with a random guy one night to lose it and im disregarded like an old sock bc as usual he was there for sex only.

obviously none of those options satisfy me so I came with a secret third option: being lonely and unloved forever.

im venting and rambling here, but do you people have similar issues?

I write my dreams, hopes and aspirations in a relationship. I love writing. but I don’t love that the bliss of love and care stops at the end of my pen. I think it broke my heart so much over the years that I just feel static sorrow everyday. I wish someone loved and desired me like I see others have and how I imagine.

ive so much love in my ink that I would love to apply to someone real. just once.

I just want to feel less alone in this.

if it helps anyone open up I’ve a long list of undesirable traits: tall, black, facial hair, neck bumps, hairy, skinny, uncurvy/flat, large shoulders, manly facial trait, deep voice, etc.

hopefully we can bond over some of our experiences:)

listening to ‘I wanna be yours’ by Arctic Monkeys so that’s maybe why I’m feeling so elevated and gloomy at the same time lol.

but anyway just the title. Because over the hormones and freaky fantasies it’s what it comes down to.

im not desirable, im not lovable, at least not enough and pleasure, sex and intimacy will never be something I’ll experience in a genuine, caring, organic and loving manner.

i know the world and myself have bigger problems but sometimes when I drift out of my daydreaming i genuinely want to disappear in my own shadow because why does this reality makes my love and desire feel so disgusting.

i barely feel like a woman, let alone a human sometime.

anyway arctic monkeys are fire yall

it’s so obvious knowing current society standards that I’ve no shot. and ofc ppl should go with someone they’re attracted to but I know its NOT me lol.

idk, i try to rationalize it and I succeed most of the time. but sometimes when I wake up from a dream, where I was the center of the universe of someone, I just get so sad.

I feel I’ve so much love and amazing moments to give in a relationship but at the end of the day, who would go out, love and cherish a depressed, ugly, flat woman.

im not even rich lmao, I truly have nothing going on for me

i wont even cry over this. most of them got dry w me and ghosted me to go for I guess more personality feminine fitting women or ig more attractive ones. i cant even imagine how rude they would’ve been if they saw my face. not like it didn’t happen for me to get straight up blocked and ignored when they saw me or had a description of my body.

what am I even supposed to do lmao? surgery? I’m so down it’s actually funny. I must really be a clown