u/cryptidinsocks

I tested positive for HPV with LSIL, and I have my gardasil shots. I was referred for a colposcopy and I told my doctor I easily pass out due to anxiety, especially with medical procedures. I pass out with shots and blood draws like 80% of the time, so they said they would put me under for the biopsy. I don’t have anyone to drive me home after. I went back and forth with them for a bit about this bc I kept telling them I don’t have a ride, they said that’s ok just find one. I. Do. Not. Have. One. It’s not an option. There’s also no Uber/taxis/Lyft/etc in my area. They finally said they wouldn’t put me under. I asked if I can just do the colposcopy and not a biopsy unless there is a clear sign of abnormal cells and they said no, that “a colposcopy is a biopsy”. I thought they were two separate things but they said that’s not true. I’m thinking of just canceling the appt entirely because I’m scared they’ll perform a biopsy even if I retract consent partway through the appt.

I don’t, I’ve always felt since I was a kid that suicide was just how I would inevitably end. I regret surviving my last attempt. I feel that I am such a disgusting person bc of my bpd that I don’t deserve to get better. I want to act like I’ve been magically cured so I can stop weighing people down, then end it for good. I get called emotionally manipulative and that I’m “crying wolf” whenever I express that I’m suicidal. My best friend doesn’t believe me bc I apparently ask for help/express suicidal ideation too much, so of course I must be lying. I’ve never lied about it, I’m incredibly depressed but I never get believed so I’m done asking for help. I’m cutting off everyone and isolating myself because I know my existence ruins peoples lives and I can’t let that happen.

I got diagnosed with ocd 6 years before I got diagnosed with bpd, and my psychiatrist said it’s a combination he doesn’t really see often. I feel like they both feed off each other, like i have harm ocd and it makes me feel like I need to check in with loved ones (especially my fp) more than is normal bc if I don’t it might cause them or someone else to die. This is draining for those people. If I don’t do anything and everything to make my fp happy (even if it hurts me emotionally/physically/financially), someone will die. I self harm to dull emotional pain, but also because I feel like if I don’t self harm, someone could die or I could hurt them by simply not self harming. If I don’t fixate on the well-being of my fp or try as hard as I can to isolate myself from them and everyone else in my life, something bad will happen. My fp has their own mental health struggles and I feel like I need to cause myself as much pain and isolation as possible because they will get worse if I’m happy. I attempted suicide partially because I felt like I was drowning, but mostly because I thought I was saving my fp from myself and their life would be “fixed” if I was dead. I know none of it is rational, but both of my disorders make it immensely difficult to not ruminate and perform actions out of fear.

(USA)
Didn’t think this fit in the legaladvice subreddit. I know that contracts allowing for assault/battery or sexual slavery (obviously consensual here) are never legally enforceable. If I include, in clear terms, that anything legally defined as assault/battery/sexual assault cannot be done to me, and include boundaries/safewords/revocation of consent/etc, can I somehow make the contract legally binding? I want to make it so that I owe specific monetary compensation to the other party if I violate the rules set for me in the contract.

I had two tickets to a concert this summer that I transferred to a friend who is no longer my friend. They are refusing to send them back to me or pay me for them. Ticketmaster says there’s nothing they can do obviously, but I paid almost $500 and I really want either the tickets or my money back. What do I do at this point? I’m not sure if the dollar amount is worth taking to a small claims court or not.