u/cypress345

My doctor told me I need to get my depression and anxiety in check or the stress will prevent but from getting pregnant and while I take her point to an extent, this has me spiraling a bit. In addition to the grief, after three unsuccessful cycles I’m starting to panic that there is something wrong with me (dr says otherwise). I know that’s not an unusual amount of time but I hoped maybe the odds would work in my favor for once. I’m also turning 35 tomorrow. So all of this has me crashing out a bit today.

Can anyone share the experience of getting pregnant again even if you weren’t back in peak mental status? Thank you 🙏

I’m flying home to Miami. I was so confident on the flight up but we’re in the air and I am stressing now. I asked for tracking on a flight months ago and it was super helpful so I’m back 🙏🥲

I am realizing I do way better when I can look out the window and see the ground one whole time. The delays have us flying entirely after sunset and summer clouds are obscuring the view of lights for the most part. This was the only flight that made sense for us time-wise but goodness I wish I’d waited til the morning!

I’m curious to hear how others have made the decision when it is more optional than prescribed or recommended.

I had a miscarriage a year ago and then a second trimester loss this spring. I wanted to ttc immediately but were delayed due to the finding of scarring in my uterus that had to be removed. That was in July and just had our first unsuccessful cycle of trying naturally. All of our testing is normal. Doctor said my endometrium looks good. But I’m still so sad and fearful that something is wrong and getting this negative wrecked me. I’m willing to do anything to increase chances of conception and am thinking of planning on an IUI if we have no luck by October.

Doctor said we could try IUI if we wanted but explained that it doesn’t necessarily increase our odds. I don’t see how that is possible, but also we’re not so well off I can just casually drop hundreds more dollars. But I’m feeling increasingly desperate and don’t think I can handle this limbo much longer. I’m curious if anyone else has been in a similar situation and how you ultimately made the decision.

I had a D&E in March at 13 weeks. Everything seemed normal, I stopped bleeding within the week. Saw an RE because I was nervous about risk of reoccurrence. Had a ton of tests and only abnormal one was an SIS that showed adhesions. I began experiencing daily cramps in May, not related to my cycle. I assumed it was from the scarring but I had a hysteroscopy to remove the scarring in July and it all went well, doctor said my endometrium looked great and we’re now cleared to resume ttc. But I still have the cramping. It’s not terrible but it’s uncomfortable and it’s daily and it’s enough I’m so scared there is something wrong and I’ll never get pregnant. I’ll be seeing my OB this week and will mention it. But has anyone else experienced this?

Are there things you did or mental reframes that helps you maintain hope and not just expect more doom and gloom?

My first pregnancy was a chemical which was sad but I honestly but found it reassuring of my ability to get pregnant. Three cycles later was pregnant and lost that baby to TFMR in March. I thought we’d be back to trying by May/June but healing has taken longer than expected and was complicated by needed a hysteroscopy. I was finally cleared to TTC this week and am closely tracking my cycle since I was on birth control for a month for the hysteroscopy. My body usually regulates pretty quickly but nothing has gone according to plan lately and I’m just so down about it. RE felt very confident in our ability to conceive but now I think just having seen everything that can go wrong and having had the process so delayed, I’m just sort of expecting everything to go wrong. I’m trying so hard to be hopeful. Even when we weren’t conceiving after the chemical, the process was joyful and hopeful. But even thought it’s just been a few days and I haven’t even ovulated, I’m so worried and scared….like what if I don’t ovulate for weeks? What if we get pregnant right away and lose it? Etc etc etc.

Two things that are at least minimally successful are

1. Distraction with fun things - I made myself a list of things that I want to do for fun and coffee shops all over my city that I wanna visit. I love coffee, but hated it while I was pregnant and also will be returning to decaf soon, so it’s been fun to check out new places and see different parts of the city.
2. Trying to foster hope by learning to crochet a blanket for a future baby.

Are there things you did or are their mental reframes that helped you feel any amount of amount of hope in this time?

I had a hysteroscopy on Tuesday and a balloon placed. My follow up is next Tuesday. I had super light spotting of old blood until today but today there is some fresh. It’s not a substantial amount by any means, less than a period, but it is more than spotting and is a noticeable change in color and quantity. I messaged through the surgical portal but since it’s a weekend don’t expect to hear back unless I call the emergency line. This didn’t feel like an emergency but I can’t remember what they specified at discharge. If you have had an intrauterine balloon, did you experience active bleeding or is that abnormal?

The intangibility of my baby and our loss is hitting me so hard right now. People around us are supportive but I know for them they view this as an early loss and a life that never started whereas for my husband and I, it felt much more like a death with dignity decision we had to make for our child who would most likely have died in utero, or maybe after birth. I’m really grasping onto any ability to connect with our daughter and so we want to celebrate her on her due date in September and have something like our own little funeral ceremony to give some measure of closure to this period. It will just be my husband and I, but we’re not really spiritual people so there is also something awkward feeling about trying to do something “formal” with just the two of us. If you and your partner have honored your loss in a way like this, what did you do?

I had a saline sonogram and the doctor identified what she described as a thick band of scarring from a TFMR D&E. It sounded like part wasn’t impacted. I realized after I should have asked so many questions including about the severity and her suspicions about future fertility outcomes, but I know a lot depends on what she will see on the camera. But I did ask if this was the surgery she does commonly and if she has good outcomes generally for people with adhesions and she sounded really positive. I left feeling good, but in these weeks since and leading up to the surgery, I’m just so nervous and so scared about future fertility.

The doctor is great but the clinic is so hard to deal with so I’m hesitant to reach out with any more questions but I’m just wondering if anyone else has had adhesions that were described this way and how the procedure went for them.

CW: Not about TTC/pregnancy primarily but it’s mentioned

I am three months out and thought by this point, I’d still feel sad but able to function. And I guess I am able to function – I’m working, I’m seeing friends, I’m taking care of myself – but I am just constantly so sad. I feel sick to my stomach all day. Every morning I wake up and the remembering of everything feels like my insides are being pulled out. I thought exposure to the pregnant people in my life would make seeing them easier, but I’m getting more resentful. I’m no longer happy for them and I hate being this sad bitter person. But the sadness and grief also is all I have left of my baby. I think part of the challenge is that I thought I’d be TTC by now (which I know will come with its own stress and sadness) but I’m dealing with scarring from my D&E and the treatment of that is gonna take a minimum of two more months.

Obviously grief doesn’t end, but I’m wondering at what point you felt like you were on the upswing. Was it a certain distance from the event itself? Was it when the milestones like due dates passed? Was it when you were able to TTC? Was it when you did get pregnant?

I’m having a hard time telling if I’m in a normal unpleasant phase where “this too shall pass” or if I’m getting deeper into a trench I’m gonna have to dig even further to get out of.

There is a baby shower coming up for someone with the same due date as me. I thought I’d be up to going by now, a few months out, but my grief has only deepened and I can’t go without risking making an ass of myself. I tried to open the registry to buy something but seeing a list of all of these items I’ll no longer need broke me. What have you done for baby showers you’re not able to attend while grieving?

We TFMRed in March and were hopeful to start TTC immediately. But an RE identified scarring was in May and we just finally followed up with her this week. She recommends a hysteroscopy which she only performs once a month, it would be mid July as long as insurance approves it soon. Then, she wants me to take estrogen for a month improve lining. All sounds reasonable. And I’m happy to have a timeline. But I was, like so many of us are, hoping to be pregnant by due date, and it’s looking pretty impossible now. The idea of waiting two months sounds intolerable.

I’ve been trying hard to be positive (not my default state) about our likelihood of getting pregnant after and view this as time as pre-pregnancy. Perfecting supplements, getting into good routine with working out and meal prepping and regular sleep. And also trying to do some of the things I cannot do while pregnant for instance going scuba diving this weekend. And maybe scheduling a tattoo for a few weeks out.

Would love to know what other things have you done, or what mental reframes you have found useful to survive times like this. Thank you 🙏

I’m looking for books about grief, especially fiction, but I’m open to other genres as well. Grief over loss of a child preferably, but other forms of loss as well. I am reading Hamnet currently and the descriptions of their grief have helped me so much to find words for the emotions I’m feeling in aftermath of losing my pregnancy in the second trimester. Thank you 🙏

I’m on AA654 Miami to Seattle. Was feeling good but had a pretty steadily turbulent first hour and I’ve been slowly getting more and more anxious and panicky. They said it will be mostly smooth but with some turbulence. Trying so hard to expect it and not let it stress me. Thank you 🙏 🩵

I am 8 weeks out from my TFMR. I understand grief doesn’t go away and I also have some medical issues from my D&E that need to be addressed and are pausing TTC which I’m really struggling with. But I am shocked by the intensity of the emotional pain I still feel. I cry every day. Usually it’s just on my own or with my husband. But after listening to a coworker talk at lunch about how much her baby (with almost the same due date) was moving, I was so overcome with emotion I had to leave work. I sat in the parking lot sobbing and repeating “my baby is dead.” I can have fun and happiness, especially around people willing to acknowledge my experience and my baby, but most of the time I am just so sad. I often start crying and have to walk away from people or take a walk at work before people notice. Is it normal to still feel so emotionally volatile at this distance? If so, how far out you finally feel you weren’t at risk of emotional breakdown on a random day? And at what point does it stop being grief and become depression?

I’ve just started seeing an RE so I have no idea what’s normal.

I had a saline sonogram last week and they found adhesions but didn’t really describe the scope or severity of the issue. But they didn’t seem majorly concerned. I was told I would need surgery and they’d begin reaching out to insurance for preapproval. But messaged today and asked about timeline and was told that I couldn’t schedule it until talking with my doctor at a follow up appointment in two months. At that time, they’d begin to get preapproval through insurance and schedule me. I’m experiencing intense cramping from it and it will postpone our timeline for TTC and I’m just devastated. I figured we’d have to wait a few weeks but not til late July or August or beyond.

Wondering if I just need to suck it up or if this is a long time and it’s worth it to at least push for preapproval and scheduling sooner even if I can’t have it til after I meet with her.

TFMRed in March and found out at the RE’s last week through the saline sonogram that I have scar tissue that will require surgery to remove. I’m waiting to hear back from them about insurance pre-approval go schedule it, and hoping so badly I can get it scheduled this month.

I’m nervous about the procedure mentally being similar to the termination since I’ve started struggling a bit with that. I also have an active job and both work and personal trips planned in June.

If you went through this, what was the procedure like? How long did recovery take? Could you go back to work the next day? And how long after could you resume TTC?

My coworker who is also a close friend is due the same week I was. I expected it to be hard to see her, but I don’t think I understood the extent. I thought it would get easier as I’ve been back for weeks now but it’s getting harder as she is more noticeably pregnant and others bring it up more. It’s so hard having a reminder of exactly where I should be right now.

I thought I’d be better by now but I spent the last two weeks of work days crying quite literally every second I am not having to mask around people except for the day she was gone. I spend every commute and bathroom break and evening at home sobbing. Today I just finally clocked the pattern. Today I am sad and cried some but I’m able to function and take of myself and do some fun things with my husband. But there is this surge of dread about Monday.

Not seeing her is not an option. Both practically speaking since we work closely together, but also because she is a close friend and I don’t want to lose the relationship. Does anyone have practical tips for getting through the next few months? Techniques, cognitive reframes, types of therapy, literally *anything* that worked for you. Thank you 🙏