u/daddysburner69420

Hello Again...

I know I tend to have a way with words, and that my mind is constantly writing so many checks that are sadly doomed to bounce upon receipt... It's a slippery slope that I clumsily glide, and in my brisk descent, I cannot help but reflect on my more unsavory actions... My haphazardly negligent shattered commitments of love... In the future, I have to be so very sure before I make such a grave decision too rapidly...

My most recent rashly indecisive failure hurt someone really badly... That could've been different, and it didn't really need to happen... Devastation was felt so deeply on the phone, as well in person... The painfully obvious problem is that I know exactly how she feels right now... I've been treated the same way by other women, and I feel guilt and shame over my actions...

I can't help but talk about it, as I like to get it all out, but I have a handful of beautiful women asking me if I'm okay... Even them asking if I'm okay feels like a shitty thing that I'm doing... It's very kind of them, and I don't insinuate that these lovely ladies are doing anything wrong... What I mean is it just makes me feel so shallow, so uncaring, and stings of a sad familiarity...

It's going to be okay, all parties involved are going to be fine... In the end, everybody's going to get what they need, even if they want something else... I just have to not let myself be too consumed by my own selfish desires. I need to constantly consider that these are people's thoughts and emotions that I'm fiddling with... I need to steadily remain transparent, and not let myself get too inflated with my already mammoth head...

Well here's to dating, it's been the most wild of rides to... Um... date... The strange dichotomy of simultaneously loving and hating myself through this process has been eye-opening... Eye-watering even...

Fuck,

-Daddy D

I'm at a loss... I read your letter, and it rings true in a sense... Accountability is so important to me, that I do take responsibility for breaking your heart in my codependent turned avoidant way... I never lied to you though... and I still think you're such an amazing person. I may look back at this as the biggest mistake of my life... Nothing ventured, nothing lost... Or gained for that matter...

I wish I wasn't such a cliche, and that I didn't prove you partially right as to reinforce your false insecurities... I'm more than sorry... I'm making mistakes in dating, and I wish you saw yourself as more than a "mistake", because is sure as fuck do...

Oh Darlin', What a fuckin' week... eh? 

What the actual fuck are we doing? Weren't we just happily chuggin' along without forcing anything? I thought we were doing quite well... Well... that is until I predictably jumped the gun and way over committed myself, as I am so fucking stupidly want to do... Then, also predictably, I got wildly uncomfortable with those same decisions that I made while high on pussy juices and steadfast admiration... I'm tumbling headlong into bad patterns again... I need to break these cycles before I make a fucking horrible mistake and really hurt you beyond reproach...

I then proceeded to shut myself off from the rest of the world entirely, like a fucking reckless recluse... Compulsively careless camouflage costuming calamity cautiously consuming calming clarity... Nothing healthy about that at all... It was almost a mantra the amount of times that I said those exact words aloud... Clearly you've heard me say that this isn't healthy multiple times... At least I hope you've heard me...

Regardless, if I met THE absolute 10 out of 10, "perfect"  woman of my dreams... One that checked every single box... There will always be lots of doubt from the annals of my dating tomes...  "Misadventures in Relationship History Volumes I-IV" but that's honestly just par for my course sweet dear... I can't trust a good thing until it's smacking me in the face... I have a burning want, or need, to explore the fairer sex in many ways that I haven't before... 

We've done-so quite a bit together, but the doubt, dear lover, that lump of fear presents in ways unseen by yourself, and only aview from above... From an outsider's point of view... You hold on too tight, as I slip through the tiny cracks of your fingers... Like trying to catch falling water from the sky, it may become a fool's errand in the end... If you squeeze a pretty balloon too tightly, it pops under the stresses and pressures exerted...

For our first kind of bad fight, it was a doozy of epically elephantic emotional expulsion, ever eradicating emissions entering enigmatically enthusiastic escorts evitable ease... I desperately hope that I haven't said, or done, anything that may have hurt you with my callousness. My positive treatment of you is a reflection of how I feel about you. I treat you well because I think you deserve it, but I don't know that it's me going to be scratching your back 20 years from now... 

My uncertainty is more than real given my track record. My brash statements of desire are speaking such truth unto my heart, from the voice of a sounder, more wizened mind that I've studiously acquired through intensive therapy... My position has been unwavering, which is not your favorite take, I know... and I truly am sorry that we don't line up in that way... We want different things for ourselves right now... It's never been more apparent to me than analyzing the lashings I've begrudgingly endured this week...

Planting seeds of doubt, ultimately, that were just your own bullshit insecurity-ridden crab ass apple trees... They are now ours as well! Congratulations! You fell madly in love with the fucking chronically unavailable, relatively avoidant, OCD Doubt Festival Ringleader! Sit! Sit! The show starts any time now... I just gotta make sure everything is setup to absolute perfection before I fuck all of my shit up with my tomfoolery and selfishly selfless antics... I break these chains daily, I can't be held down anymore... One exposure at a time to shrink the demon Gerald into the tiny mouse that he is...

You've been my over-efficient, uncharacteristically, extraordinarily extroverted, Johnny Fuckin' Appleseed of dauntless doubt. Just planting those bastards all over the meaty abacus countryside of wrinkly valleys giving way to prairies replete with purple mountains majesty and shit... I feel you burrowing in a corkscrew motion and it scares the absolute shit out of me. Makes me feel a certain familiar control over my wants and needs... It's not anything either one of us is consciously doing. We're both fucking crazy... It really sucks eggs being both a rabid people pleaser, and an honest man sometimes... ain't I just such a stinker?

I don't just dive into every day deftly drowning in doubt... I was fucking shamefully birthed of this sickly sticky,  yet slickly slimy shit... Consumed by the torturous suffering for the vast majority of my enfeebled life... I crave degradation and pain as a short-circuited, broken methodology... a means to process all of my guilt soaking unfathomable sadness and pent up aggressive desires of carnal pleasure...

As a child, I had no control over my thoughts or ambitions. My dreams have always been either sweetly delusional fantasy, or bitterly harsh reality... Surrealist nightmares that stray uncannily close to awkwardly uncomfortable actualities on both sides of the coin... Some too real to ignore...

Whether it just be my painful OCD, or some kind of substance... Or kinky sex? People pleasing someone else's deepest insecurities to sate my own shortcomings as a human? When do I get to be my person instead of being somebody else's? I'm always being chased it seems... Put into somebody's box and being told that I'm their perfect partner... when they don't even know why they want me in the first place... Ask why my authenticity is so attractive to you... Why does my confidence make you so sopping wet? Am I filling the gaps in your own damaged psyche? I can't plug all the holes in the ship dear, you need to grab a bucket and get your own help too... 

No matter what, I have these dirt nasty proclivities. It's literally anything and everything that those fucking Catholic perverts told me I was going to hell for embracing so fervently... I ran straight to it... I craved the profane, shunned the mundane... Desparately needing an escape... I have done, I guess more than once... Fuck! More than thrice even... Now that I think about it with some semblance of intention...

Let's be as real as Gerald will allow... I don't want to hurt you but I need to remain honest... There's always something horridly dishonest, and filthily ick inducing, calling to me in the darkest creases of my meat museum... Even when discovering brilliant sources of light... I tend to make them glimmer somewhat dimmer somehow...

Instead of rose colored glasses, it's more that I'm wearing exceedingly dark welder's goggles, and it's so damned hard to see with all these lights out... Where did my sun go? It's all tiny dimlight twinklers like stars across the night's sky in the boonies... High up above, a shooting star grants my wish and I disappear into the aether, reappear in someone special's bedroom... Because I'm just a horndog, let's be real. I don't love one woman, I love many... I don't think you want me to love anybody else...

I never know how good I actually have it until I decide to push things too far... Boundaries have always been hard for me to set, let alone to respect and follow... I thought I set good boundaries but you seem to have plowed straight through every single one I set... I let you do it, and I know it takes two tango... I'm not upset with you. I also pushed your boundaries with regards to sleeping with other women... 

Truly in the thoughtful talking form and not a physical practical sense... I'm just stating facts at this point... I flirted with your boundaries as such is my precocious, carelessly oblivious, nature... I'm such a silly, salacious scamp. Playing with hearts and minds while I stare dumbfounded at the shiniest, pretty, new thing across the room... Another reason I won't make a good boyfriend...

Blindly, and actively, I'm doing destructive damage to your endlessly dwarfing trust... all the while, I'm dazing, drooling almost... It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy... I hurt you so badly, because you let me... I'm not hurting you by being myself at all... it's not because I'm doing something to you... More that I'd be doing something instead of you... Or someone instead...

I'm aloof... Admiration seeking... feeling so handsome... So Intriguing... Ignoring... Unknowing... or uncaring? ...God I hope not... But that's just Gerald being a basic bitch, bastard bully again... You must  know that I care... Otherwise I wouldn't agonize over absolutely everything so damned much... 

I just don't think I'm ready for the kind of relationship you want. I don't think I ever have been since we've been talking... You've pushed very hard for it and I gave in. I don't think I should have. That was a really big mistake on my part, and I'm so fucking sorry... I got excited, and I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me...

You have to know I love you... Don't you? Gerald is a cunt, and that mouse ain't even got a fuckin' house no more... I evicted that som' bitch... He always wriggles his happy ass in through one of my many gaping holes eventually... My love for you isn't going to change based on the fucking label, but I can't be what you want me to be anymore... I can't be this guy for you anymore. It's been me trying to fit myself into your box and that's not fair to me or you... You've been doing the same with me, and we're forcing it way too much...

... I've never lived in such a confusing state of mind, it's been a constant seesaw teetering from ecstasy to fantasy, then rapacity to agony... It's as if I fancy a flight of wax... Too close to that burning, fiery orb of false eternity, my slowly dripping glider descending increasingly... Deluding myself that I've achieved perfect velocity for such a fanciful  fortune...  Diluting myself, as I try to fill too many glasses... Still waiting on that firey crash... I figure it's coming sooner than I thought, as I'm continually making mistakes with my heart and others...

I'm not boyfriend material by any stretch... Not currently at least... You've got to stay true to yourself, and not try so desperately to hold onto someone who is rapidly regressing as a result of being caged... This dirty bird needs to flap its newly sexy wings and sing his heart out Darlin'. 

Truth be told I've known it deep inside for some time, and have repeatedly told you as such from the beginning... You know what I've been believing all along, and I hate to be so painfully fucking transparent with my intentions, but I'm not perfect... I never will be... No matter how much you think I am, or want me to be...

I Do Love You Dearly Darling... But,

-Daddy D is a rollin' stone...

Oh My Darlin', Lovely Lovey, My Dear,

...

I've really done it this time my lover,

Honesty, and such poisoning of fears,

Our egos, bruised and battered, uncovered,

Talking spitefully about me for years,

Never fully able to recover,

I'll be a cautionary tale of tears,

You'll never forgive me, only suffer,

A quiet dysdain for men with grey beards,

Treating us like charlatans, profiteers,

We came abruptly, and then disappeared,

Every word a barb hurled snarling and sneered,

Striving for change, addressing mental health,

More or less, lack of abundance of wealth,

I try to play the cards that I am dealt,

I can't help but to be the most obscene,

Please, My Dear, Sweet Love, Take Care of Yourself,

...

Your Illustrious, Sexy, -Daddy D

...

...

P.S. ... I know I'm the worst kind of trash,

I squandered your love, a mistreated prize,

I hoped that this time, something real would last,

On borrowed time, head and heart full of lies,

Just like that, my life, over... in a flash,

I'll become someone I truly despise,

I'm less of a boyfriend, more like a rash...

Oh Boy, My Dear,

I can't even begin to explain the "safety" aspect of my life right now... Distance adds an exponential element of laissez-faire ambiguity, but that "grey" can also breed confusion... Contempt even... I love the freedom that it brings, but I fear it's not as safe as I delude myself into believing... I'm not practicing what I preach, and I'm suffering for absolutely nothing... None of my strife is rational or real...

"Communication is everything," my mantra, as I turtle up, hunker down, and cease communication with the entire world... Isolating feels like a warm blanket, a soft affect upon my sense of security, expounding to nearly comfortable levels. Feels slightly good while also feeling tremendously bad... I know that it's so bad for me, but I can't help myself. I just crave it somehow...

Breaking patterns in your mind is a much more painful process than anyone begins to tell you... Gerald is burrowed so far into my fears, that he knows which strings to pull to make me panic almost instantaneously... The sheer amount of time I have spent telling him to shut the fuck up is adding up, and it's eating into my productivity... I'm out of money... I'm out of willpower... I'm out of brainpower...

I need to excise this horribly heinous demon, but its tiny tendrils have become so interlaced within my thinky meat wrinkles that I don't know if it's entirely possible... Living with it seems to be the answer, but he's such an annoying bitch when life changes happen, uncertainty is high, or any sliver of doubt presents itself. He latches on, screaming at me to pay attention to whatever worthless wave he's riding...

I just want to shut the rest of the world off sometimes... Go somewhere quietly beautiful to sit and think... and dream... It's all such horse shit though...

Love,

-Daddy D

Hey You!

Oh, Darlin', My dear, my muse, and my love,

You know me so well,

You've got me wrapped up,

Under a sweet spell,

I will fill your cup,

Mine overflows as you pour from above,

Our vicinity floods with liquid joy,

Splashes and sprinkles,

Trickle down on kin,

Smiley wrinkles,

Adorn their sweet skin,

They see us happy, like shiny new toys,

Darlin' you know, you're my girl, I'm Your Boy...

Take Care Love,

-Daddy D

I didn't even think it to be true,

I couldn't be a real person to you,

The way you've spun this in your broken brain,

The truth would drive you completely insane,

You petulant child, immoral hog,

You can't see the world, your brain full of fog,

Projecting your abuse from you to me,

You'll choke on your lies, or set yourself free,

Let's be real, this ain't a democracy,

Your fucked up brain, full of hypocrisy...

Oh Deary Me,

We're going to have a grand evening tonight my sexy lover ladies... I'm excited with the prospect of so much edging I'm going to be forced to endure.

There's no relief for this dote, forced to smell those delectably adorable aromatic apertures of art whilst trying to keep a straight face for the Zoom folks... The teasing energy piercing my deep blues straight into that lizard brain...

Ah, a joy it is to drain the main vein, to tame the pain... It's a dick metaphor, not a cry for help... Just to be clear... It's all impeccable vibes and cummies tonight. The literal opposition to the thought...

We're so bad... I can't wait to spank the two of you after my call ends... You've been such naughty girls, but I know how good you both can be...

I'll forgive you both after a good spanking and fucking... Hopefully, Pep remembers her toys... If I am to cum tonight, I want to fill both of you.

Pep and I have never been closer. We've been eagerly looking ahead to this date night for a whole week now... It's funny how things such as this can bring people closer together...

It's a regular love fest tonight, and I feel it in the fluttery vibrations suspended throughout the aether. This warm and cozy realm is to be quite a sexy one tonight...

Now, unfortunately, I have to finish up my work day, clean the toilets, vacuum the living room and upstairs, fold a metric fuck ton of laundry, and empty/load the dishwasher ...

...Oh, then pick up my kids, wait for their mom to pick them up, greet my guests after the kids leave, all while I'm on a Zoom call...

It's clearly clumsy, catastrophic, cacophonous chaos, but I am the Lord of Mischief and Rascals Bay-Beeee... Nothing I can't handle ...

Take Care of Yourselves Dears,

-Daddy D

It was always going to have to be such a difficult life to manage... Has this beautifully decadent love affair died before anything truly began? My doubt, my insecurities... Were correct... ? What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh yeah, that's right... I almost forgot that with all of the "good" things that happen... I'm just never allowed to be happy... We were on borrowed time from the beginning...

I was diluting myself into thinking that I was being anything but a fucking fiend. An addict chasing a high... When something feels too good to be true, it always is... Why does Gerald have to be fucking right? The fucking cunt's never going to let this go...

Here's that crash I've been bracing for... It's a piercing, wailing, crying shame Darlin'... I'm not going fast enough to hope it kills me this time... Guess I just got to feel it all then get the fuck over it... I don't want this to be fucking over already... It can't be fucking over already...

Love can't really be what I think it is... Confusion is the norm, and safety is not standard... If safety is built in... it's more likely to be a false sense of security than a guarantee... Someone is ignoring glaring misconceptions... Delusions shape our reality, and we get drunk on all of the affirmation... We talk to beautiful women all day long, flirting, trading pictures, and spreading love...

I guess I still don't really know what love is... I can't help but feel doubt, but I just need to talk to you about this more... Gerald is really fucking doing a number on me today... The lies in my head are getting louder again, and I haven't cried such sad tears in quite a long time...

Oh Dear!

I never thought you'd be into all of this. My girlfriend and I are reeling from the possibilities. The prospect of a beautiful woman with a quiet fire inside begging to kiss its flames against our gasoline, and make the most ecstatic of sexual explosions. Ah, to watch the love of my life eat your pretty pussy is an image I won't discard... Probably ever if I'm being honest...

I could see that fire in you, as you are not disgusted by my antics, yet, a yearning desire germinates within your pretty insides. A look of longing urges to get fucked like you haven't been in years crawls across your brow... You deserve to cum for us over and over again darlin'. You're a fucking goddess, and Pep and I want to remind you of how a goddess should be treated. We'll be your loyal subjects, worshipping your beauty in oh so many decadent ways...

I bet your smell is a pheromonal feast, your taste, exquisite. We both demand a sample, and the sex we will all have is going to be transcendent. We will remember you fondly for the rest of our lives... I wish you lived closer by, and we could make this a more regular thing.

This surreal set of circumstances I've found myself in is a true blessing. I've had more fun in these past couple-a weeks than probably ever. I'm finally living the life of a ladies man, but it feels less like a gross thing, and more like a contagious love fest. I've fallen in love so many times these past couple months... And yet, my heart grows exponentially as I flirt with more and more beautiful women...

I just adore women, especially ones that admit their carnal desires are real and not something to be ashamed of. I have so much love to give, Pep gets the biggest portion, but there's still some spilling over for everyone else... I've been very fortunate to be able to share my love with so many beautiful women. Whether it be a beautiful face, a beautiful body, or a beautiful mind... Or any combination of the above... Pep checks all three boxes, you do too darlin'...

The excitement I feel from Pep further fuels my arousal. To be so infatuated with me, but also to appreciate the beauty and taste of another amazing woman... No man deserves this much lust and fervor. I'm the luckiest man that's ever lived as far as I'm concerned. It took going through hell, to see such glorious heaven...

I hope you decide to make a trip down here and let us prove to you what you seem to have forgotten. If so, you'll definitely be the most beautiful woman I think either one of us has had the pleasure of entertaining. I don't toss that around lightly, I just know that we both badly want your sexy self, all wild and free in our bed... We want to fuck you senseless, and then cuddle in a puddle until the sun shines early in the morning... Our cum is the morning dew...

So what do you say you pretty lady? You going to come down to see us? The gateway to the West shall be a portal into the best sex of all of our lives. We'd love to watch you cross through it, come out the other side liberated and ready to take on the world. With the utterly sexy beast that you are, you deserve it more than I do dear. You haven't been satisfied in so long, let us make you cum, please!

We both believe in manifesting and I definitely have manifested a lot of good things recently. I think you might be one of them dear. Pep and I will always hold out hope that you're going to make your way into the Lou, and allow us to pamper you. Then we'll fuck you as hard as you like... We want to hear you cum harder than you've ever cum before...

Let Us Take Care of You,

-Daddy D

Oh, holy shit... How is this happening? What have I become? I love how I look in this mirror you've held up for me... You see me... The real one...

Dear, we're a force... I've manifested you, I just know it. I've manifested the others as well I think... I don't need to apologize for a good time I guess. 🤷‍♂️

Anytime something feels this "too good to be true"... It tends to prove itself so, especially after some time. Gerald is wringing his filthy hands at the prospect of doubt that sentence creates... The fucking cunt...

When things go so well, I brace for an inevitable crash. I hope my fears are unfounded, and I truly feel that we're emotionally mature enough to communicate about all of this before anything becomes a problem...

I love you dear... You feel so far away RN...

My Goodness Dears, 

What a night that was... Two of my longest unfulfilled fantasies came to fruition. Two sexy women in my room at once is a feat I only thought would be possible in my dreams ... I never thought they'd come true. 

It's your weekend Pep, I set it aside for you. In my dating adventures, you don't mind as much, as long as I make time for you. We had our Friday all set for a night of fun and fucking. We had some tea, and got into sexy conversations. Some "what if" scenarios presented themselves ... We put my cock in it's cage because you didn't like one of my scenarios... I was a bad boy...

I had made a connection with another woman earlier in the week who is just such a good girl. She is a sexual explorer, much like us. She told me about all of the kinky things she likes, one of which is multiple partners... Pep and I's "what ifs" led us into a dialogue about adding a third... I had just the woman in mind... 

I pitched the idea, and you said you wanted to eat some pussy. A woman after my own heart. The excitement we felt was palpable, as we took pictures to send to our new friend. She said she had the night free, and decided to come see us. This is surreal... I can't believe this is happening. I never thought I'd be doing this, and I'm the one who set it up no less... Un-Fuckin-real...

We scrambled nervously, brushed our teeth, and freshened ourselves up. Nervous energy filled our minds, as we rolled a spliff to smoke. We go to the garage, open the door to smoke, and our guest had already arrived. This unexpected twist threw me off of my game, and I lost my cool disposition. My nerves kicked in as I searched for a lighter... 

Oh my Darling Kitty, what a pleasant way for us to meet. I was awkward, trying to be a cucumber, but felt a bit like a potato. You rolled up all ready for action in your cute PJ's. Your demeanor was calm and fun, with a hint of cute sass. You're also quite the beautiful woman, with such sexy, sensuous curves. Pep and I were both drooling as I fumbled to roll a joint... I felt embarrassed, but it was just me. Kitty was getting impatient, and took Pep upstairs...

As I ran up to my bedroom, I had a moment of genuine curiosity... Had I died and gone to heaven? Am I dreaming? Is this the mushroom tea? ... Whatever it is, I'm quite lucky to have two beautifully sexy women naked on my bed... Pinch me...

Kitty went straight to work, and started rubbing on Pep... The two of them all over eachother, licking, biting, moaning, sucking, and so much sloppy wet slurping... It's at this point that I am dying to get the fuck out of this cage! My cock is swelling against the metal, and I don't have the key... They're teasing me, and my balls are aching with the pressure...

Kitty lays on the bed, her eyes begging me to go down and taste her. I slide down, start tracing her pretty pussy with my tongue. I slip one finger in and start the classic come hither motion as I suck on her clit. Kitty let out a wail of a moan, I felt her pussy well up, shoot my finger out, and squirted straight into my mouth, drenching my beard... All of my dreams are coming true tonight... Pep wants a taste, so kitty sits on her face, cumming over and over, drenching pep in her juices with every burst of ecstasy... I'm a little jealous at this point, I need some more of that slick, salty goodness...

Pep finally gets the key, and I take off my cage. Cock is finally out, ready for the big show! I laid on the bed, as both you sexy animals crawled up to me, taking turns sucking my cock to get it hard. I've been watching you lovely ladies fuck for at least 30 minutes, I'm ready to join in.

I'm lost for words, I'm enduring the most pleasure I've ever experienced in my life. It's at this point that I lose track of everything a little bit... I'm fucking Kitty while I'm eating Pep... I'm fucking Pep while she's eating Kitty...  All the while, each good girl is licking the other's cum off of my cock... Kitty's pussy is splashing as I'm fucking her, squirting on my cock, while Pep's pussy gets so wet that I'm splash fucking her as well... This is sensory overload at its absolute best! We all crash into a big cuddle puddle... Taking a break and rehydrating...

Kitty and I are locking eyes, and Pep decides to take a smoke break as things rev back up... Kitty puts me in the center of the bed, then locks her legs backwards with mine, slides my lengthy cock slowly inside of her tight, wet pussy. When I'm fully inside of her, she starts bouncing, and fucking me good. My eyes are rolling backwards, and I'm still in disbelief.

My bedroom smells like sex... It's delectable. My cock pops out, and gets a little bent, so we roll over, and fuck a little longer, Pep comes back, and rejoins the fun. We play musical positions, with lots of pussy eating and fucking. Now, Kitty eats my asshole while playing with my cock.. I'm eating Kitty, Pep fingers my tight asshole, rubbing right against my prostate as she jacks me off, popping my cock in her mouth every now and again... 

Pep lays down, and Kitty gets to eating. Pep is begging for my cock. I start eating Kitty upside down, decide the position isn't the best, and decide to just fuck Kitty from behind. My thrusts translating into Pep's pussy, I slow it down as I can tell Pep wants a turn. Kitty slow grids on my mammoth dick, while Pep is getting impatient... 

We get into another cuddle puddle, and Kitty goes to refill her water. Pep demands that I fuck her, now! I start fucking her in doggy style... Harder than I've ever fucked her. Pep starts throwing it back... Hard! I think she was putting on a show for Kitty a little, and she eagerly wanted to be fucked deeper and harder than she'd ever been before... It was great! 

We slow down a little, take a smoke break... We're all in the living room chilling, and it's getting late. Pep comes in, and asks if I'm done, kind of disappointed. I pull my shorts off and ask, " You want me to fuck you dear?"... Kitty decides it's time to sleep, as she'd been dropping those hints for a while. She bids us a fond farewell, as the night winds down to a close. What a fucking event that all was.

Pep wants to do it again! I'm so excited! Maybe this is what I've been looking for all along? Time will tell, but I can't wait to taste them both again...

Take Care of Yourselves,

-Daddy D

Cold brew is a fucking trip... I made about a gallon and a half of concentrate using some high caffeine beans... Fuck! That was a mistake...

At a four to one ratio of filtered water to concentrate... I'm wired to the absolute limit of tolerance (by my coworkers... Not I), and I can't stop flapping these fucking jaws...

I mean Jesus Christ, I take amphetamines every day for ADHD, and they don't have nearly this profound an effect on my energy level...

...I'm gonna act up on this shit...

Uh oh! The inevitable emergency coffee induced bathroom break...

I'm so productive today! Thanks caffeine!

How am I supposed to keep up with all of this complex talking?

Overlapping conversations start to lose context in my mind

I know I do this all to myself, and there's a more than quick way,

To stop searching for a thing that maybe I'm truly not ready to find,

Online dating is complicated, feast or famine, while the sun's up I make hay,

Sunbeams pierce my vision, as I drive too fast, messages knocking,

It's a lot to keep up with, but I love the rush, a mental exercise in a sense.

The reward for my efforts are the splendor of companionship, affirmation,

Sex and/or love are inevitable, and I must quell the beasts of burden,

Yet I cannot help myself, when the chemicals fly, feigning friendly dedication,

My inhabitions escape me, my cock takes the lead, as he is oh so certain,

It's true love without real, rational reason, but I'm dancing on the fence...

Good Morning Monster,

Thankfully, I haven't been thinking about you as much lately... Sometimes, stupidly, I wonder if you ever think of me fondly... Then I wonder why I even care at all. I've never had a more confusing and damaging relationship in my entire life... I wish I would've met you younger, when I didn't have so much to lose... I could've learned your shitty life lessons with so much less at stake...

I finally found my way back to enjoying sex again. I no longer fully associate it with your abuse. I can cum now, which took such a long while to regain the ability. Sex became such a sore subject in our courtship. I hate to say it, but I don't think I ever was enough for you. That being said in itself, gave me a complex. If I can't please you, the woman who claims to love me more than any woman ever possibly could.... What kind of man am I? Don't I want the woman who wants to fuck me every night?

It sounded like a dream at first... Which very quickly turned into a nightmare as inevitably, I was unable to perform to your standards... My brain likes to fuck with my dick when I'm in times of extreme turmoil. I was either your dream come true, the best lover you've ever had, the man you've been searching for your whole life, the worst thing that ever happened to you, a fagot, a pussy, and the fact that I couldn't keep it up or cum both should have been massive indications that there's trouble In this lost paradise... You would routinely question my manhood... You made me feel so small...

I'm unpacking my masochism in therapy. My therapist thinks it's really interesting that I do not like inflicting pain upon other people, and that it feels wrong to hurt people... However, it feels so right for me to be degraded and belittled in the bedroom... I really believe that I deserve it for some reason... It's something that really comes from you, as well as my Catholic guilt... Wanting the taboo, rejecting normality with extreme prejudice. A lot of it stems from poor self-image, which is something I've been working on a lot more over the past couple months...

I finally feel like the man that you were propping me up to be, I no longer feel like the little mouse that was scared to walk around my own house... I didn't have a safe space in my own fucking home. I gave it to you and your son. You turned my bedroom into a trash pit, spitting on the floor, spitting on the bed, and just generally not giving a shit about my mental health... I know you were struggling, but it doesn't give you an excuse to scream at my family. To give your chores to my kids, because you're incapable of being a person for less than a couple hours a day... Fuck, you ruined my life for such a long time...

I remember you having connections with all these different men for all these different things... I didn't question it, I didn't bat an eye, even when you told me that you'd slept with these folks before... Your wild bar days when you'd fuck anybody that would take you home... Had I even mentioned a woman said hi to me... You'd fucking crucify me. But you would rather get drugs from somebody who took you home and fucked you in the ass, leaving you feeling used and disgusting, than to tell me the truth about it and not get your drugs... Drugs were more important to you than your own well-being or self-respect... You let somebody who practically raped you back into your life, that I had no idea about, just so we could get drugs... I would have said fuck no, and I wouldn't even have wanted to deal with this guy had I known the fucking truth...

You kept a lot of things from me, and lied to me constantly. Even if I caught you in a lie, you wouldn't back down. You're so stubbornly terrifying. I still worry about what you're capable of. You're definitely capable of lying, cheating, and stealing... You never cheated on me as far as I know, but you accuse me so aggressively of infidelity that it made me think that you were projecting to some degree...

It's because of you that I have to take things slow now. It is for the best, as I have been one to hop from relationship to relationship, seeking comfort in that person who's always there... Someone to quell the loneliness at all times... Someone who wants me more than anyone else... Someone who needs me more than the food we force fed ourselves... Someone who's always going to choose me no matter what...

I had it. All of it. I also had crippling abuse, ever increasing debt, worsening relationships with my extended family, isolation from my friends, severe drug use, and my responsibilities started crumbling around me... I lost my mind for a while to the state of sheer panic, fight or flight, that I constantly found myself in... The state that you induced to keep me under your thumb... It was all manipulation on your part to keep me hooked and subservient to you...

You were the hardest addiction I've ever had to kick. Never do I ever want to fucking see you again, if I've being perfectly honest. I do want to fuck you again, and I fucking hate myself for that... I guess that's the folly of man... a beautiful woman with a heart of ice, and the mind of a successful used car salesman... I would have done anything you asked me to. You had me wrapped around your little finger...

I still have so many confusing feelings about us, none of which involve us getting back together. That ship sailed along with all the giant fucking nitrous bottles I found in our closet... You had a real problem, and you needed so much more help than you were getting... No amount of my begging, pleading, and crying my eyes out to you would make you see the truth. You were incapable of seeing any truth that could potentially hurt you... As a result? You lost me babe... Through manipulation and lying, you lost the so-called "love of your life"...

It's reached the point where I can't trust a single person anymore. I don't trust love as a safe emotion at all. Love doesn't come with peace and happiness... Love comes with confusion and danger. Love comes with being degraded and abused. Love comes with potentially losing my kids... love is alienating my family... Love is unending pain, suffering, and fear... It's not something glorious anymore... That's your fucking fault...

Well, I doubt any of this would even resonate with you, or be allowed to enter that pretty little head of yours. I'm going to go not eat for a while, fuck a bunch of strangers, cry a bunch, and hopefully get through this alive... Even through it all... I still hope you're doing okay... I do still love you for some fucked up reason...

Take Care of Yourself,

-Daddy D

Oh Dear Pep,

I don't deserve your affection. Your understanding... You haunt my thoughts more than I'll admit... But I think you know that already... You're making yourself so available to me, and it feels so unfair to you...

Sure, I'm there too, making myself available to your needs as well... This isn't a one sided endeavor, and I'm so want to put myself into the most awkward of situations for an affirmation or two. Call it the masochist in me, but I think some part of me wants the pain generated by this behavior... The painful confusion...

All I know is that I don't know what I want, and you want me. You're holding on to the idea that we're going to be together in the end, and maybe we will.... It's so sad to live that life of longing... I can't ask you to do that... I would never ask you to do that... I'm aware it's your choice to do so, it just makes me really sad to know how easily I hurt you... Just by maintaining honesty with you...

I'm still excited to see you every time we meet. I know I'm getting comfortable alone though. I value my alone time a lot more than I think I ever have... I've been neglecting my promises to myself, and letting myself get too wrapped up in dating again... Don't get it twisted though, I am still very much looking forward to seeing you this weekend.

Please, try not to hate me too much, just because you love me more than I could ever deserve... Does that make any sense? ... I'm beyond remorseful that I can't be everything you want me to be right now... Maybe someday in the future I will be... We'll let fate run its course... but sadly, I'm just not there yet...

In the meanwhile, I would absolutely get it if you stopped talking to me completely... I hold on to some kinda fear for that day... Tightly grasping a slight OCD panic that I'm ruining something real, completely... Your love for me is to your detriment... I take a toll on you... It's the fear at the bottom of my ladder dear...

Take Care of Yourself,

-Daddy D

Is that the way? Seems like everyone's got an opinion on the proper way to do a relationship. Please share, seems like everybody needs this information. Nobody seems to be doing it right ever... According to the gentry here... Everything needs to play out exactly like a Disney movie, Hallmark movie, or romance novel, or else it's not real... Real people's real emotions... Nah, that's not a thing, it needs to be like the storybook here...

Jesus Christ, am I not supposed to fuck people? Was I given a cock just to fucking not use it? Well I'm a fucking very sex positive person and it just seems like there's a bunch of repressed people who want to tell me how to do life like them... How to put everything into a relationship and just get fucked over again... Sounds like a great plan to me!

Fuck, I guess I alienated the unsent community by dating... Nobody wants me here unless I'm longing for my abuser and miserable... Grown ups like to fuck, I know it's a strange concept... Did you know attractive grown-ups get to fuck more? I'm riding this wave for the first time ever, and Some broken-hearted folks want to project their misery upon it... As if I'm the one that said I loved them, and then promptly threw them away...

I don't lie to any of these partners. I'm not a philanderer, a cheater, or an outright manipulator... I don't do that shit, as I've had too much of it done to me. What I am is an unselfish lover with a big cock. Some women just want to feel something for once... I'd just like to feel as much as I can before I make another decision that ruins my life... Before I let another woman take me over entirely...

So if you've got a problem with me dating, it says more about you than it says about me... So please, roll the fuck on if you don't like it. I still have quite a lot of love to give, I'm just exploring, as was my want for most of my life. I've been too quick to jump into relationships with women immediately after I sleep with them for the first time... That's not the right way to do it either. I've also been lied to manipulated by these women and used for money, sex, drugs, and projection of their wants and needs upon me...

I'm not saying anybody's worse than the other, men and women both fucking suck. This is not a hate women post, because I fucking adore women. I respect women despite my lothario ways... Sex is certainly not a transaction for me, it's a promise of love and attention... It's something that I can't live without... I've loved many women, and i don't just mean in the carnal sense...

So I bring emotional intelligence with me on these journeys. I've been hurt and hurt others, but that's just part of dating. You can't avoid somebody getting hurt. I can't just not date, and just grab on to the first person that latches on to me, that's my codependentency and OCD running to comfort... I have to actively tell myself not to do that... To protect myself from getting annihilated again...