u/danio7o

Why THE FUCK am I so ugly n mid i literally wish i had the courage to kms lowkey but i do enjoy my life i just hate myself i want to escape myself , i am the mid or ugly girl that guys complain ab its literally me broooo i hate being roun my friends n they get attention n i go unnoticed or being laughed at in public for approaching guys ohhh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god ive felt like this for 10 years i just need to be pretty i need to be pretty i cant handle this

I know I can’t date I’m not attractive enough ,good enough at anything and I’m also deeply insecure, but like man it sucks. These are just my previous experiences.The very first and only guy I ‘dated’ (doesn’t rlly count cuz I was like 14 we didn’t hug or kiss or nothing ) to would talk about wanting to f other women who looked nothing like me infront of me.

He also would make fun of my appearance but when I asked him to compliment me he blamed it on his undiagnosed adhd n said he’ll try but it’s hard.

Another guy I spoke to online , when I showed him my face he said nothing but he was happy to compliment me when I sent pics of my body. I posted a picture of my friend for her birthday n he was in awe like wow I blocked him after that

This other guy I spoke to I accidentally sent him a vid of this girl on my fyp I didn’t mean to then he says she’s so hot infront of me I blocked him.

The most recent guy I spoke to that I rlly liked like alot was still into his ex n he was looking at other women in like provocative poses n was ogling at them infront of me , n when I reposted edits of girl groups I liked or artists I like he would save them n keep asking me who they were.

I’ve had guys in the club look at my differently once they see me in the light or like stare at my forehead . Also growing up n only ur friends get attention

I remember I created a hinge my friend said she got like 1000 like in only a few hours of creating it , I got 0 when I posted pictures of my face after having it up for months , until I posted pics of my body in a provocative way n catfish angles I got likes.

This one time a guy I think was trying to make me jealous I was like 20 at the time so was he n he was singing cooking w kyah, I just didn’t say anything but if you know ab that whole thing then you’ll get what I mean but like why would u try to make me jealous lmao

I lowkey hate when guys see my friend cuz ik they’ll pick them over me n think damn I got the ugly girl , I know it anyways

There’s more but Icba to get into it but like get into it but man do I hate ng ugly lol makes me wa t to rip out my skin

maybe it’s something ab me that makes them eager to do that?

I’m 21f and I’m 4’11,56kg I don’t want to lose any muscle I actually want to build more on my thighs specifically rn n lose weight.

56kg my whole life I’ve been pretty fit looking not actually fit I’ve had times where I worked out n I’ve always enjoyed walking sometimes for 2-3 hours n I did sports when I was young n I’ve always been told I’m naturally very athletic looking n lean .

I recently gained like a few kgs but idk what I originally was cuz I only weighed myself once in my life when I was like 11 n it was in the 50kgs I remember. I looked at pics of myself n I’ve gained weight n I checked my doctors notes I’ve gained weight I was 54kg at the start of the year n 56k now.

idk what my weight was before all this but I want to fix it. I want to lose the extra weight fix my gut health cuz I bloat all the time and add more muscle definition.

rn I’m currently on a deficit of 1650 calories n I run couch to 5k 3 times a week n do like YouTube workouts for my thighs till my legs r shaking n then I do a pelvic floor core strengthening workout cuz I have pelvic issues.

I’m back at home now n at uni my diet fluxuated sm from 1800 calories to like 2800 depending on the day sometimes id only eat one meal n a snack others id eat 3 meals so it was rllly random so its hard to tell what will work for me.

Especially as I’ve been told I’m lean so like losing weight will be easier for me but idk if that’s true cuz I’ve never had to lose weight. I don’t want to track what I typically eat cuz I want to lose weight n also I can’t buy my own groceries anymore I’m back at home from uni so I won’t be able to tell.

I did use to do like YouTube ab workouts for my abs n I would see a difference n tightened abs in a week but cuz my gut health is messed up now I can’t see that.

I’m just really confused n I would like some info on what seems like the desired calorie deficit would be for me n I’m also confused ab the whole calorie deficit thing n also if there’s any tips for like gut health too , n if I need changes to my workout routine , id also appreciate if I could dm someone to show them my before n after pics n if they could accurately assess what I look like cuz I can’t rlly tell a my body !

that’s literally it I never get approached in my natural hair or natural face and even then I barely get approached. Idk how I get the confidence to put myself out there n approach ppl but I do it more in a I want to see what kind of guys I attract.

I usually just go up to guys n tell them
I find them really attractive if they want my number or socials then ik they find me attractive if they jsut say thank u then ik they think im unnattractive , i have like a 3/ 10 success rate cuz ive been laughed at my guys twice and also a guy got visibly pissed n didn’t say anything when I approached n said that 😭

I guess it’s like a thing of guys saying the ones I don’t want approach me n ig I’m that id say im like a 4 on my bets day if I post in a specific angle or lighting I can look like a 6 to small majority but only in a specific angle

I remember I used to basically catfish online i’d buy clothes jsut to post cuz once I learnt my angles n put lots of makeup n pushed my chest the right way i got a decent amount of attention, from rlly cute guys too. But those guys would never approach me irl so I deleted social media n stopped entirely cuz ik i need to face what i actually look like n also stop using snap camera cuz it makes my face look more symmetrical n doesn’t use the inverted camera which is what i look like irl

I’ve tried using regular cam just for makes it makes me hate myself more but i have to accept how i look , I go back n forth between wanting surgery but surgery would make me hate myskef even more idk I jsut hate being ugky ive felt like this for a decade n i still feel this wayss

I just saw someone w the exact look I want to emulate Ughh ik I could nevr look like that , bone structure n genetics has seriously fucked me over . Liking myself feels like trying to convince myself a bowl of shit takes nice , it’s fundamentally bad , I just feel like my mental health is always all over the place n I deadass dk how to deal with it or where to go . Ppl rlly underestimate low self esteem n not just feeling bad ab urself now b then but genuinely a deep deep rooted hatred , i want to jump out of my own skin I want to hide constantly n never be seen. It got to a point where I only went outside at night cuz I didn’t want to be seen for a period of time . I seriously hate this. I probably have to radically accept being ugky n grow my body hair out n wear my natural hair n stop wearing makeup but I’m not ready for how ik be treated n I can barely stand looking at a photo of myself . I don’t even hav body dysmorphia but I just rlly hate myself

Literally how the hell am I ever meant to like myself ?? I am dusgusting I just don’t get it I can’t picture anyone genuinely finding me attractive n my reality has confirmed that I feel like shit ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh no matter what I do how much I distract myself I still hate myself I’m not even shy or isolated I still live my life n approach ppl n solo travel n have hobbies n I have worked part time n full time im even in uni now n I still hate myself idk how I don’t have an 3ating disorder I mean I don’t think being skinny is the problem im already fit I just look like a man , lol I remember this one guy saying to me , most men don’t like black women but they always wonder what it’s like to sleep w them , I can’t even pull my own men cuz im so ugly bruh ong likeee , jealousy n resentment for anyone who is better than me which is basically anyone n pretty women eats me alive , idk where to put it omfggg

I’m 21 I knew I wasn’t never going to be beautiful when I was 12 n people would constantly comment on my appearance saying,compliment n recognise my friends and never me and I’ve been mistaken for a man numerous times or mistaken as trans even with a full face and long hair.

I’ve tried affirming that I’m beautiful it doesn’t work , I tried spirituality it doesn’t work , I’ve tried finding my style it doesn’t work cuz I recognise I only get approached ( rarely) if I am wearing makeup or dress revealing and all the people that approached me only wanted one thing .

Idk what to do i genuinely resent and have jealousy for pretty women I neve verbalise it or anything I keep it to myself but it’s ruining me I feel myself like rotting from the inside , idk how to find value in myself if I’m not beautiful , I’m not even good at anything either , I’m so bad at everything I try n even tho I can be really social I’m so awkward and I constantly embarrass myself.

I once spoke to a guy who said ur not like really pretty or really ugly ur just average, that’s the best I can get lol , n really I’m not even average I have the manliest inverted triangle body you’ve ever seen.

Surgery won’t even make me beautiful. I try to make art now with my spare time to distract myself , I have tried circulating hobbies to avoid these thoughts n feelings but it’s still there . I thought instead of being beautiful I can make something beautiful. I still feel this way tho. I even get jealous of literal dolls or animated characters .

I also know I’ll never be able to date bc of how insecure I am but how can I help it if there’s nothing about me that’s valuable ? Also let’s say I do get over my insecurities I’ll be like 34 by then and most ppl wil be married and it’s not like I’m pretty and I can just opt out of dating and come back and have options. like idk what to do I feel trapped in my own body genuinely I’m preparing for a life of no romance but idk it’s all eating me up inside idk where to put all this or how to deal with it , I constantly compare every single aspect of myself to others like I’m just tired of it b

I’m 21 I knew I wasn’t never going to be beautiful when I was 12 n people would constantly comment on my appearance saying,compliment n recognise my friends and never me and I’ve been mistaken for a man numerous times or mistaken as trans even with a full face and long hair.

I’ve tried affirming that I’m beautiful it doesn’t work , I tried spirituality it doesn’t work , I’ve tried finding my style it doesn’t work cuz I recognise I only get approached ( rarely) if I am wearing makeup or dress revealing and all the people that approached me only wanted one thing .

Idk what to do i genuinely resent and have jealousy for pretty women I neve verbalise it or anything I keep it to myself but it’s ruining me I feel myself like rotting from the inside , idk how to find value in myself if I’m not beautiful , I’m not even good at anything either , I’m so bad at everything I try n even tho I can be really social I’m so awkward and I constantly embarrass myself.

I once spoke to a guy who said ur not like really pretty or really ugly ur just average, that’s the best I can get lol , n really I’m not even average I have the manliest inverted triangle body you’ve ever seen.

Surgery won’t even make me beautiful. I try to make art now with my spare time to distract myself , I have tried circulating hobbies to avoid these thoughts n feelings but it’s still there . I thought instead of being beautiful I can make something beautiful. I still feel this way tho. I even get jealous of literal dolls or animated characters .

I also know I’ll never be able to date bc of how insecure I am but how can I help it if there’s nothing about me that’s valuable ? Also let’s say I do get over my insecurities I’ll be like 34 by then and most ppl wil be married and it’s not like I’m pretty and I can just opt out of dating and come back and have options. like idk what to do I feel trapped in my own body genuinely I’m preparing for a life of no romance but idk it’s all eating me up inside idk where to put all this or how to deal with it , I constantly compare every single aspect of myself to others like I’m just tired of it b

Long post but I’d really appreciate if someone could give some advice !

So I’m 21 female and I’m at university. For context both my parents are African and my stepdad was in the military when he was young so it explains his behaviour.Growing up my stepdad has always been on the stricter side , he has only hit me once but he has hit my brother numerous times he is the type of guy to get very angry , verbally aggressive or find an issue over minor things . He says things like idc how u feel ,do what I say i, im the man of the house and starts shouting n cutting u off before u can say anything and he’s also controlling and extremely stubborn , all my family recognise these behaviours to the point where my step-sister doesn’t want to come to visits anymore , my cousin moved out cuz he was too controlling and his own son doesn’t even visit him , idk the reason but i think ik why.

My mum is more lenient , she is also religious but she’s the type to listen to how I feel and apologise when she’s done wrong . She is also like the middle man if I’m annoyed at something he’s done I tell her she says i understand and she will try to speak to him about it . She still encourages religion tho .

I stopped believing in Christianity when I was 12 , for many reasons including my bisexuality . I feel it’s very obvious I’m not religious and I’m bisexual. My cousins have told me this when I came out to them , so I feel my parents must know too. My stepdad always forces us to go to church and to random church events and he forced me to go to this summer camp thing n payed money for me to go without even talking to me about it first because it’s expected of me to do that as a Christian , despite me not wanting to .

Before university he gave me this talk n he said u have to go to church every week non negotiable and I have to attend an evening group prayer call everyday at 9pm on the family gc.

Being at uni I’ve really enjoyed my independence and not feeling like I have to walk on egg shells n I have not been to church once and I attend group calls just to speak to my family but not everyday usually just a few times a week.He recently sent a message in the group chat saying he’s noticing how we don’t attend group prayers on the weekends and how it’s a non negotiable and how I haven’t been attending church here. My family all attends a specific church and they know people here in my uni city , so I feel he asked about me and someone told him they hadn’t seen me . I think it’s so weird how he’s checking that tho .

I jsut feel tired annoyed and like icba I didn’t attend the call yesterday cuz I’m jsut sick of this. I’m literally 21 I should be allowed to have my own beliefs. If he literally has to remind me to go to church then isn’t it clear that I’m not interested in this . As much as he wants me to be Christian, religion n spirituality are all personal journeys and u can’t force someone to want to change .

I spoke to my cousin, he said I should speak to him and tell him that I am an adult and I’m not as religious as u like to make me out to be , this is my one journey I want u to allow me to be myself as forcing me causes more resistance. I’m debating if I tell him directly or tell my mum first , speaking to him is scary n there’s a chance he won’t listen n idk if I even want to speak to him rn im annoyed at him but yeah idk

Im only Finnacially dependent on my mum, so far at uni it’s just been my money primarily but when I haven’t been working my mum is the one who provides n pays for things so I’m barley dependent on him.i think if I spoke to my mum she would either understand or just be liek , yeah , mmhmm and pretend to be fine , but she is the type to always come around I can’t see her kicking me out at all , she is very kind , but I guess I could focus on the worst case scenario idk

Any advice would be great what do u think I should do ?