47M UK — introvert, socially anxious, geeky and looking for genuine friends
I've lurked around Reddit for years, and I'm finally trying something a bit outside my comfort zone — actually posting and seeing if I can meet some like-minded people.
I'm 47, British, and introverted, although I don't think that necessarily means what people sometimes assume it does. I'm not antisocial. I actually really enjoy talking to people. It's getting comfortable enough to do it that's the difficult part.
I'm autistic and I think a lot of my introversion is tied into that. I can be quite talkative one-to-one once I feel comfortable with someone. Put me in a group, though, and the number of people seems to make a surprisingly big difference. I start worrying about when to speak, whether I'm interrupting, whether what I'm saying is interesting, whether I've misunderstood something, whether people are going to laugh at me, and whether I'm keeping up with the conversation.
Someone who is very extroverted, talks quickly and keeps firing questions at me can actually make me more withdrawn rather than bringing me out of my shell. It's not that I'm uninterested — quite the opposite. Sometimes I'm interested and trying to work out how on earth I'm supposed to get a word in. 😄
I've also never found it particularly easy to show people the completely unfiltered version of myself. I'm much more comfortable once I know someone and feel that I can actually be myself without worrying about getting things wrong.
So I'm probably looking for people who don't expect an instant best friend. I'd rather have conversations develop naturally and gradually. I'm also much better at responding when someone approaches me than making the first move myself, so if I don't immediately leap into someone's DMs, it isn't a lack of interest. I'm just much more comfortable when somebody opens the door first.
As for me beyond the introversion...
I'm a bit of a geek. A fairly eclectic one.
I'm into Doctor Who, Red Dwarf, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Marvel, Star Trek, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The Simpsons, Harry Potter, Disney, Ghostbusters, Jurassic Park and Transformers. I like Neil Gaiman, Jim Butcher and Ernest Cline, with Ready Player One and Armada being particularly important parts of my geek education.
And despite apparently ticking almost every geek box, I've never really got into Star Wars, Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones. I've tried. Apparently my geek credentials have some rather strange exclusions.
I'm also into history, and have a particular soft spot for the London Underground and the way places develop and change over time. I'm one of those people who can become interested in a completely random subject and then disappear down a rabbit hole learning far more about it than was ever necessary.
I'm a gamer too, particularly indie and unusual games, and I'm currently working on my own indie game, which has become a rather larger creative project than I originally intended.
Music is another huge rabbit hole. I love 90s British indie and alternative music — Oasis, Blur, Cast, Shed Seven, The Lightning Seeds, Carter USM, The Stone Roses, Dodgy, The Charlatans and plenty of obscure bands that probably only three people remember. I also love the Beatles.
Then there's grunge, metal and alternative stuff — Terrorvision, Therapy?, The Wildhearts, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Korn, Sepultura, Tool, Smashing Pumpkins and many others.
And somehow that all sits alongside Moby, The Future Sound of London, The Chemical Brothers, Aphex Twin and Fatboy Slim.
So my music taste is essentially a 90s teenager who refused to pick a lane.
I'm also into cooking and baking, and generally making things.
I'm probably quite stereotypically British in some ways too. I drink far too much tea, I appreciate a properly organised queue, I love the London Underground, and I genuinely enjoy British weather.
I'm even a legacy member of the Cloud Appreciation Society, because apparently appreciating clouds is something I take seriously. ☁️
I feel very British while also feeling very European, which probably explains some of the above.
I'm not looking for hundreds of people or constant conversation. I'd much rather find a few genuine friendships with people where we can talk about whatever happens to interest us — geeky nonsense, music, history, games, everyday life, or some completely bizarre rabbit hole neither of us expected to end up in.
I'm UK-based, and people roughly around my age would be lovely, although I'm much more interested in having things in common than an exact age.
If any of this sounds familiar, feel free to say hello.
And if you're also the sort of person who would rather someone else make the first move...
Well, this is me making mine. 👋