u/diogenes_unravelled

Almost a decade after first questioning​ my identity and beginning to transition. I finally started estradiol two days ago. The clinic I am with (GHC UK) prescribes initially 1mg Sandrena gel a day. Within a day of starting, I was feeling a range of negative symptoms: lightheadedness, increased anxiety, some nausea, muscle aches, and a general feeling of low blood pressure.

I tend to be very sensitive to medication changes anyway and often react badly to starting new drugs ( I am currently taking methylphenidate for adhd but i don't think there is a reaction), and I am not sure whether this is to do with having hEDS or CFS or other related conditions. But when many people have expressed a very positive reaction to starting, I feel surprised by how negatively​​​​​ I have reacted especially on a very low dose.

I am just wondering if anyone else has reacted this way very quickly after starting and whether it is ​​​​​worth waiting it out, the idea of more harmful side effects do make me worried.​ I would be obviously heartbroken if I am not able to start hormones but maybe certain treatments don't work for some people?

I've been going through the process of banking my sperm before starting estrogen. I was meant to start hormones months ago but it's been drawn out so I'm a bit anxious to start as soon as possible. I've managed to freeze 8 vials so far, though my motility is fairly low so it is recommended I use ICSI+IVF if I were to want to have children with a partner in the future. I have the option to give another sample, which could bring me to around 12 vials, but I am wondering if this is necessary and 8 is already a good number? ​

I'm honestly fairly clueless when it comes to the process of IVF, I know in theory a vial can be split for multiple rounds of IVF as only one sperm is needed but in most cases one vial is one round. ​​​​​​​​​​I'm not planning on having a huge family, though I'm only in my early twenties so I'm not sure what I might want, I guess I am more concerned with possible regret or making absolutely sure nothing could go wrong. Is there a rough guide to the amount of children you could reasonably have with x number of vials through ICSI ​​, or are there too many variables to take into account? ​

First time on this sub! I was diagnosed with BPD a couple of months ago following a traumatic breakup and an ER visit at the end of 2025.

For context, I am 23 and also have ADHD, autism, and a long history of bad mental health. Looking back, I definitely met the BPD criteria for years (unstable interpersonal relationships, extreme abandonment paranoia, hyper-sexuality etc.), but I felt relatively stable, or at least as stable as you can be in bad relationships.

But after the breakup, it felt like something completely snapped in my mind. I have had other traumatic moments in my life but none have affected me as much as this. Since then, I've been experiencing:

• Extreme emotional fluctuations: It almost feels like a second person is inside me deciding what I feel or find interesting minute by minute. I feel like i am almost poking myself with a metaphorical stick to try and work out what i actually feel or think.
• Identity collapse: I have no sense of who I am. I have a history of gender dysphoria, and these questions are becoming intense alongside a rapidly fluctuating self-image. I keep going through periods of feeling strongly about one way of presenting or experiencing my identity, only for it to all disappear or change all of a sudden.
• Anger and guilt: Short outbursts of anger followed by guilt.

There probably are other extenuating factors making this worse, and i realise this is one of the first times in a while that i haven't been in a relationship which often involved a lot of mirroring of my partner's identity.
I genuinely feel like I have a different mind than I did six months ago. I'm currently on the waitlist for DBT, but navigating this (and being trans on top of it) is exhausting.

Is this sudden, extreme intensification of symptoms after a breaking point a common experience? How do you get back to some sense of who you were?