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r/queerception

▲ 4 r/queerception

Found the identity of our donor via google search

Don't really know how to feel about it. We have no intentions of getting in touch or anything since it's not our place to do so. We bought the straws and are only starting to try to concieve beginning of next year, so in a few months. Deciding which donor to choose was overwhelming, especially because you don't get an adult photograph so a simple google search with the existing information available on the sperm banks website and we were able to find the person we had opted for since the beginning. For us it was mainly important to confirm that the person resembles us visually.

I dont really know what I want from this post other then input and reactions from people in this community and how to deal with it further, also concerning transparency with our future child.

EDIT: He is open ID so we would have found out eventually

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u/bendtheruless — 4 days ago
▲ 4 r/queerception

Wife and I starting our ICI journey this month

We have purchased 4 ICI vials and are going to do our first try this month. We are planning to do 2 back to back and then 2 on reserve for a second try. There are soooo many stories and testimonies out there, this is what we felt was the best way to go about it. She has been using pregmate tracking for months now and it's pretty spot on. We're planning to buy the Frida baby insemination kit for convenience.
Does anyone have any more recommendations for products/ methods? We considered pre seed but not sure if it's really helpful?
Also success stories are always welcome 🥰 we are scared shitless for a negative test with how expensive everything is but trying to stay optimistic! 🩵

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u/Hemigirl68 — 4 days ago
▲ 1 r/queerception

Cyclogest pessaries

Hi all

** as people have been suggesting this in replies is there anyone getting rid of spare Cyclogest progesterone pessaries please? **

I am looking for some advice on accessing progesterone pessaries.

I am 39 and we were overjoyed when we got pregnant recently with at home ICI with our known donor. It is sadly now ending in miscarriage at 5 weeks. We are heartbroken. This is the 2nd miscarriage I have had, my first being a MMC at 10.5 weeks. We then had our son through IUI at a fertility clinic and they provided progesterone pessaries - Cyclogest. I think this was key to me carrying to term as I bled again at 10.5 weeks with him but did not loose him thankfully.

The Early Pregnancy Unit here in England will not refer me to the recurrent miscarriage clinic until I've had a 3rd miscarriage. They will not provide progesterone pessaries until I have had a scan at 6 weeks because that is their starting point for support there. Our local private fertility clinic will not help us in any way if we get pregnant with a donor at home and not using one of their services such as IUI or IVF.

It is absolutely infuriating that no one will help us not loose another pregnancy because, essentially, of being in a non hetero relationship without spending money on fertility treatments even though we can get pregnant naturally it seems.

Any and all advice greatly appreciated. I'd be happy to pay for progesterone pessaries from a private clinic but not sure if any provide this for LGBT couples?

(I actually have some left from previous attempted cycles but only enough for 2 weeks worth)

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u/BettieShiver — 4 days ago
▲ 5 r/queerception

Advice on sibling age gaps & how long did you wait to try post c section?

I gave birth to my first child in February, she is now 8 months old. I luckily got pregnant with her really easily, second unmedicated IUI, but know that isn’t the norm and to expect to need more time to conceive this go around. I’ll be carrying again but my wife is in her mid/late 40’s and she’d like us to be done having babies before she’s 50. I’ve seen two different doctors at my OBGYN office since then and have gotten conflicting opinions on if allowed to start trying again at 12 months or 18 months postpartum. In a perfect world I’d like to start trying right at 12 months. For those of you have kids close together or had a second child post c section do you have any advice? Do you wish you waited longer between kids? I plan to have a scheduled c section after a very difficult labor experience led to an urgent c section so not worried about the risks that come with VBAC. Being a mom is easily my favorite thing I’ve ever done and I’d love to give me sweet daughter a sibling.

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u/Weak_Conference8585 — 4 days ago
▲ 2 r/queerception

Queer Married Couple ICI, 1 or 2 vials?

Hi All!

My wife (36) and I (39) (also wife), are planning to try for a baby! I will be carrying, I have had 1 previous birth from a prior relationship. This will be my wife’s first time trying for a baby.

We have been tracking my periods, ovulations, LH surge, etc. since August using PreMom strips and PreMom app.

We have our vials already ordered but in storage via Fairfax Cryobank. We have a total of 3 vials and at this time do not plan to order with the cost of everything skyrocketing.

The dilemma: How many vials to use in one go?

Option 1: Use 1 vial. If unsuccessful, try again at a later date using the remaining 2 vials.

Option 2: Use 2 vials, if unsuccessful, try again with the 1 remaining at a later date.

Option 3: Only use 1 vial at a time for a total of 3 separate attempts.

Open to your thoughts, comments, considerations? Benefits? Drawbacks?

Thanks in advance from 2 friendly, loving queers!

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u/Sea_Fox_5448 — 4 days ago
▲ 1 r/queerception

Natural Cycle IUI w/ trigger: LH surging hours before

Hi there! My wife and I are TTC for baby #2 using natural cycle IUI with a trigger shot and frozen donor sperm (same as with our first baby.) It’s currently Sunday- We are scheduled for the IUI Tuesday which will be cycle day 18 at 9am. My last ultrasound was on Thursday (CD 14) and showed one 16mm follicle and 8.6 lining. Instructions are to take the trigger tonight between 5-6pm. However, my LH appears to be surging today. I am worried I will ovulate tomorrow (Monday) and Tuesdays IUI will then be unsuccessful. My clinic is closed tomorrow for the holiday and there is no after hours contact for situations like this (military hospital)

I plan to go ahead and trigger tonight and go to the appt on Tuesday with the sperm and inform them of the surge. If they are not confident in the timing then I will just have to return the sperm to storage and eat whatever coats are associated with that.

I guess I’m looking for a little informed advice or guidance. Maybe someone has been through something similar.

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u/jennavocadoo — 4 days ago
▲ 7 r/queerception

Seattle Sperm bank Issue

It’s been months since Seattle Sperm bank sent the email about our vials being held and our donor temporarily being taken off the website due to the FDA administrative issues. I called 2 weeks ago and still nothing. Has anyone heard anything? Me and my partner just used our last vial we had on IUI today and Seattle has 2 more in storage that they won’t release.

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u/No_Reality_9383 — 4 days ago
▲ 1 r/queerception

IVF Loans

Hello! My wife and I have started the process of IUI/IVF. We have originally picked IUI because of cost but we are now learning there are loans available to help. Has anyone used a loan to pay for IVF? If so, what loan company and was your experience with them overall good? TIA ❤️

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u/strikergirl384 — 4 days ago
▲ 2 r/queerception

How do you get hopeful and stay hopeful?

I had my first IUI 9/21 and throughout the whole process I just had this feeling it wouldn't work. I felt either ambivalent or negative the entire time, and when my test came back negative I was disappointed but not surprised.

I'm just starting my second cycle and I want to be hopeful this time around. I don't want to feel nothing, I want to be excited but I just don't know how. I keep seeing so many people discouraging IUI because of the odds and I think that has had an impact on my mental state. I really just need advice on how to look at the process from a different perspective this time, especially now that the first one didn't work.

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u/yuureila — 4 days ago
▲ 8 r/queerception+1 crossposts

My experience with Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby / KinPath Surrogacy — serious caution for intended parents [USD $50,000 lost]

TL;DR: Paid approximately USD $50,000 to Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby for a specific surrogacy programme. Programme collapsed before any major milestones. Biological material subsequently held by IVF clinic over unpaid debts not of my making. Refund discussions went nowhere. Communication ceased. Independent investigative reporting by the Sydney Morning Herald has since raised similar concerns about the same operation. Full account below.

I debated for a long time whether to write this publicly.

International surrogacy is an extremely emotional, financially demanding and vulnerable process. I generally prefer to keep personal matters private. However, after reflecting carefully on what happened during my own journey, and subsequently discovering independent public reporting concerning the same facilitator and business, I believe intended parents researching Paul Norris Ongso, GlobalSurrogacy.baby, Global Surrogacy or KinPath Surrogacy should be able to find detailed accounts before committing substantial money and emotional investment.

My direct experience was with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby / Global Surrogacy. I did not personally contract with KinPath Surrogacy. Global Surrogacy was subsequently reported to have rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy.

Everything I describe below about my own journey is based on my personal experience. I have retained contracts, payment records, WhatsApp messages, correspondence and other documentation relating to it.

Based on that experience, I would not use Paul Norris Ongso or GlobalSurrogacy.baby again.

I would also encourage anyone considering KinPath Surrogacy to research the history of Global Surrogacy and its rebranding, read the independent reporting linked at the end of this post, obtain independent legal advice and make their own decision.

1. Why I originally chose Paul Norris Ongso / GlobalSurrogacy.baby

When I first began researching international surrogacy, Paul presented himself as highly experienced and knowledgeable about international surrogacy pathways.

He also discussed his own experience of building his family through surrogacy. That personal experience contributed to my initial confidence because I believed I was dealing with someone who understood firsthand the emotional and financial pressures intended parents face.

Unfortunately, my confidence changed considerably as the process progressed.

2. Corporate structure and jurisdiction

One of my earliest concerns was the legal and corporate structure behind GlobalSurrogacy.baby.

The contract provided to me was through a Hong Kong registered company and governed by Hong Kong law, while the actual operation appeared to be managed internationally and Paul himself was based elsewhere.

After subsequently obtaining independent legal advice, I became concerned about how difficult and expensive it could potentially be to enforce contractual rights across jurisdictions if something went wrong.

I am deliberately not speculating about why the business was structured this way.

I can only say that, as a client who had transferred a substantial amount of money, the practical difficulty of enforcing my rights under this structure became a significant concern once the relationship deteriorated.

3. I paid approximately USD $50,000

I paid approximately USD $50,000 toward a specific surrogacy programme and jurisdiction.

This was a substantial amount of my personal savings.

The particular pathway I had agreed to pursue subsequently became unavailable before major milestones such as embryo creation, surrogate matching or significant medical progression had occurred.

This is an important part of my experience because I had not simply changed my mind about pursuing surrogacy. The specific programme I had contracted and paid for was no longer proceeding as originally contemplated.

4. The "non-refundable" deposit clause

The agreement repeatedly described deposits as "non-refundable," and Paul repeatedly relied upon this provision when the issue of returning my money arose.

I subsequently obtained independent legal advice.

After reviewing my particular circumstances and contract, my lawyer advised me that the position was not necessarily as straightforward as simply stating that the deposit was non-refundable where the agreed programme had materially changed or contracted services had not been delivered.

I am describing that strictly as the legal advice I received concerning my own circumstances. I am not making a general statement about the legal enforceability of Global Surrogacy's contracts.

5. Pressure to move to alternative programmes

After the original pathway became unavailable, alternative programmes and jurisdictions were proposed.

I was uncomfortable with some of these alternatives.

At one stage, I raised concerns that one proposed pathway could potentially expose me to future legal complications or liability.

I did not feel those concerns were adequately addressed and I was encouraged to proceed.

I ultimately refused to continue with a programme that I was not legally or personally comfortable pursuing.

That significantly reduced my confidence in the advice and judgement being provided.

6. I repeatedly asked to speak with previous successful clients

This is one of the things I wish I had treated as a much bigger warning sign at the beginning.

I repeatedly asked Paul to introduce me to former intended parents who had successfully completed a surrogacy journey through GlobalSurrogacy.baby.

I wasn't asking for confidential information. I simply wanted, subject to the former clients' consent, to speak with people who had already gone through the process and could tell me independently what their experience had been.

Despite asking numerous times over an extended period, I was never connected with a previous client.

Since then, in researching and dealing with other organisations, I have seen much more structured approaches to prospective intended parents speaking with previous clients who are willing to share their experiences.

If I were starting an international surrogacy journey again today, I would not transfer a substantial amount of money to an organisation without first speaking independently with multiple previous intended parents.

7. Organisation and communication became a serious concern

As my journey progressed, I became increasingly concerned about the level of organisation, communication and operational structure.

Much of the communication appeared to depend upon assistants or intermediaries who, in my experience, sometimes seemed uncertain regarding processes, timelines or what was supposed to happen next.

For something as legally complicated, emotionally important and financially significant as international surrogacy, that concerned me considerably.

8. The IVF clinic situation

This was probably the most troubling part of my personal experience.

After the original programme had ended, an IVF clinic involved in my journey contacted me directly regarding outstanding financial matters which the clinic told me related to Paul and/or his operation.

This became particularly concerning because my biological material was being held by the clinic.

I was informed that my biological material could not simply be released or destroyed until the outstanding issues had been dealt with.

Paul told me that I should deal directly with the clinic regarding the situation.

That surprised me because the financial issue being raised by the clinic was not a debt that I had personally incurred directly with them.

To be clear, my experience with the IVF clinic staff themselves was professional. They communicated with me regarding the situation and, from my interactions with them, also appeared concerned about what had developed.

Ultimately, my lawyer and I had to engage directly with the clinic ourselves to resolve the administrative and financial issues affecting my biological material.

This was not something I expected to be dealing with after paying a surrogacy facilitator approximately USD $50,000.

9. Communication deteriorated

Following these events, communication with Paul became increasingly difficult.

In my experience, scheduled calls or meetings would be cancelled or postponed, sometimes at short notice. Responses became increasingly inconsistent.

Eventually, meaningful communication effectively ceased.

My lawyer also became involved in attempting to resolve the situation.

10. Partial refund discussions

There were eventually discussions concerning a partial refund.

Repayment dates were proposed to me on multiple occasions.

Those dates moved and passed without the agreed payment being received.

Eventually, both my lawyer and I were unable to maintain meaningful engagement toward resolving the matter.

I want to be careful about something here.

I am not going to speculate publicly about what happened to my money, why the proposed repayment was not made, or Paul's motives.

I do not need to speculate.

I can document what I paid, what programme I contracted for, what subsequently happened, the refund discussions that occurred, the dates that were communicated to me and the communications that followed.

Readers can draw their own conclusions from my experience.

11. GlobalSurrogacy.baby subsequently became KinPath Surrogacy

This distinction is important.

My personal dealings were with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby / Global Surrogacy. I did not contract with KinPath Surrogacy.

However, after my experience I discovered that Global Surrogacy subsequently rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy.

This is not something I am inferring simply because the businesses appear similar. It has been reported publicly.

I therefore mention KinPath because someone researching the current business may otherwise never discover experiences relating to the business that operated previously as Global Surrogacy.

I encourage prospective intended parents to research both names and make their own assessment.

12. What I discovered after my own experience

If my experience had been completely isolated, I probably would not have written this post.

After my own dealings had ended, I became aware of independent public reporting concerning Paul Norris Ongso and Global Surrogacy.

Most significantly, the Sydney Morning Herald published investigative reporting concerning Global Surrogacy after speaking with former clients, former staff and a surrogate.

The reporting describes allegations and experiences from other people. Those are their accounts, not mine, and I encourage readers to read the reporting themselves rather than relying on my summary.

The Sydney Morning Herald reporting also states that:

  • Global Surrogacy subsequently rebranded as KinPath Surrogacy
  • Paul Norris Ongso does not hold a current Australian legal practising certificate
  • He was subject to disciplinary action by the Victorian Legal Services Commissioner in 2019

I also subsequently became aware of public commentary from the Feminist Legal Clinic concerning another reported surrogacy experience involving Global Surrogacy.

Again, I am separating this very clearly from my personal experience. I am not presenting somebody else's allegations as facts I personally witnessed. I am mentioning these sources because they are publicly available information that prospective intended parents can independently read and evaluate for themselves.

Discovering this material after what I had personally experienced was one of the reasons I ultimately decided to write this post.

13. Why I'm posting this

This post is not an attempt to tell strangers what decision they must make.

I also recognise that other intended parents may have had different experiences, including successful journeys.

I can only speak about what happened to me.

But international surrogacy involves enormous amounts of trust.

You may be transferring tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. You may have embryos or other biological material stored overseas. You may be navigating legal systems in multiple countries. And ultimately you are relying upon other people to help you create and bring home your child.

That makes due diligence extraordinarily important.

Based on my own experience, I would not use Paul Norris Ongso or GlobalSurrogacy.baby again.

If I were considering Paul Norris Ongso, KinPath Surrogacy, GlobalSurrogacy.baby or Global Surrogacy today, I would investigate the history of the organisations and the people involved extremely carefully before signing anything or transferring money.

What I wish I had done differently

For anyone considering international surrogacy, my advice from my own experience would be:

  • Obtain genuinely independent legal advice before signing the agency's contract
  • Have the lawyer specifically examine governing law, jurisdiction and dispute resolution provisions
  • Independently verify the legal entity receiving your money and where that entity actually operates
  • Understand exactly who holds your funds and when money is transferred to clinics, surrogates and other providers
  • Insist upon speaking with several independently verifiable former clients before transferring substantial funds
  • Make payment milestones correspond to clearly defined services and progress
  • Understand exactly what happens financially if the agreed country or programme becomes unavailable
  • Ensure refund provisions are clearly documented
  • Keep copies of contracts, invoices, receipts, WhatsApp messages, emails and all communications
  • Do not rely solely on verbal assurances

International surrogacy is already emotionally and financially demanding. Intended parents should not also have to navigate uncertainty around accountability, communication, jurisdiction, financial transparency or what happens when the programme they paid for cannot proceed.

My experience was with Paul Norris Ongso and GlobalSurrogacy.baby. I am sharing it so that anyone researching Paul Norris Ongso, Global Surrogacy or KinPath Surrogacy has another documented personal experience to consider as part of their own due diligence.

Please research independently, read the public reporting, obtain your own legal advice and make your own decision.

Public reporting / further reading

Sydney Morning Herald — investigative reporting concerning Paul Norris Ongso and Global Surrogacy:

https://archive.md/2026.05.04-010045/https://www.smh.com.au/national/the-baby-broker-a-disposable-surrogate-her-vanishing-contract-and-a-family-stranded-20260219-p5o3t2.html

Feminist Legal Clinic — public commentary concerning Global Surrogacy:

https://www.facebook.com/feministlegal/posts/surrogacy-family-stranded-and-surrogate-allegedly-exploited-by-companymccann-fou/995601786483014/

u/BanjoBanjo12345 — 4 days ago
▲ 4 r/queerception

Should we do another IUI or move to IVF?

Okay so my husband (33 FTM) and I (28 F) are trying to get pregnant with frozen donor sperm.

We’ve been established with a clinic and had 2 IUI’s with them. First unsuccessful, second successful that ended in miscarriage around 11 weeks. We are unsure of cause because they mishandled our tissue post D&C.

Our sperm had good parameters. BUT we had to switch sperm donors due to a clerical issue at the sperm bank, no issue with sperm itself. We have IUI vials and haven’t done anything with this new sperm yet as we’ve been waiting for my body to regulate post D&C.

If the next step is IVF, we are moving to a clinic that will take our insurance benefits. We feel good about this new doctor, but I’m terrified of IVF. We also aren’t exactly sure of when we could start with them. we are trying to get things squared away to start in my Nov cycle but it takes some time with insurance, prior auth, etc. They also are closed 2 weeks in Dec, so overall I’m worried about when we can actually start stims and hate having to keep delaying it.

In the meantime I was considering one more IUI with our old clinic. However, that would mean we do that in about 2 weeks when I ovulate which potentially could mean we couldn’t start IVF in November with the new clinic if they wanted me to start stims before day 1 of my Nov cycle. We also don’t know how good the parameters are of the new donor. I’m assuming good because they are IUI vials, but you never know post thaw. Finally, I’m terrified to miscarry again. I know this can happen with IVF too, but at least we would have been able to test the embryos.

SO! Should we just keep moving forward with IVF at the new clinic which we do really like, or try one more IUI with our old clinic before we move?

Sorry if this was confusing!! Anyone have any advice?

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u/hanarchistt — 11 days ago
▲ 1 r/queerception

Fertility Clinic Experiences?

Hi all, I've been struggling with navigating the fertility system, and even though we're just starting technically, it already feels like such a long road. The thing that's really gotten to me the most has been our experience with our fertility clinic and how opaque it's all been. This is just a run-down of what we've been through so far; not sure what I'm looking to get out of this except to get it off my chest and see if anyone else can relate.

I (30) and my wife (32) have spent a little over a year and s half prepping to have a shot at having a baby. We went with a known donor, my brother, and my wife is going to be the one that will carry. We have been given so little information from our clinic throughout the entire process. Just getting my brother referred was a nightmare as he didn't have a family doctor, and they wouldn't even begin to deal with him until we had a doctor's referral. We had his tests sent over, then they lost them. We were eventually able to poke them enough and they found them. We were quoted IUI costing around 2000 per attempt (factoring in cost of sperm, testing etc.) but were not informed of costs related to legal fees and mandatory counseling for us and our donor (mandatory by Canadian law!). We found this out on an obscure corner of the website in a downloadable pamphlet, and both of those things wound up running us about 6000 all told.

Then, we had my brother come down to donate, and in 2 appointments we had 30 straws of sample. He lives away, but the genetic connection was important to us, so we flew him down. We had a 3rd appointment scheduled but 30 seemed like so much, and the only info we could find online indicated you'd use one or two straws per attempt, so we cancelled and thought all was well. The people on the phone seemed to agree 30 was a lot as well, but I don't know that they were medical staff. Fast forward to less than a week ago, we are gearing up for our first IUI and the lab informs us they are recommending we use 10 straws. Out of the 30 we have. We were blindsided, and they said we could start lower just to see, so we came to an agreement to try 6 to start. They said it was due to processing, which I understand, but we were never given any guidance on what the amount of sperm we had actually meant, or the effects of washing/processing.

We get to the IUI, and we see the post-thaw numbers. The nurse says they "definitely could be better" and implies that we could always try a different donor. This was very concerning and heartbreaking to me, as the genetic connection is an important piece for me, and I was worried that there was something really wrong but nothing was elaborated on further. We did the IUI, and the lab came to talk to us about the numbers, but again said very little and said "we see pregnancies across the spectrum". We felt okay about it and were excited leaving, trying not to get too excited but still feeling closer to our goal.

That was Wednesday. On Friday, my research-loving self decided to try looking more at the numbers to see what our odds were like (TWW was already getting to me lol). I thought initially we had a count of 4.3 million, which is a bit low according to online IUI resources, but not terrible. I realized then that I was looking at total concentration- our total progressive sperm was actually 0.6 million, well below many cut-offs used by clinics. Motility was good, but still, very low numbers. We also had good pre-freezing numbers with our samples, which is also why we pushed to try starting with a bit less, so it was shocking to see it drop so much.

I understand of course we did opt to use less sample which would have impacted results (we know it can take a few IUIs to conceive, so we really wanted to be able to do multiple attempts) but it wasn't about the numbers, it was about the fact that no one tried to explain to us how poor they really were, and let us drop 1200 bucks and get so excited :( Like I said, I love reading and research, and asking for all the info I can get, but this whole process is so new and different that I don't even know what to ask.

We've felt so lost and it's just been the most expensive trial and error process we've ever done, and we are barely scraping by with just the IUI costs. I don't know if we could even do IVF. Our clinic is also closing toward the end of November until early 2027 for renos, and the only appointment we can get with our doctor is three days before that happens. We'd have time for one more IUI cycle before that happens, but with no further info or guidance. It just feels like the trust has been broken, and that there's just always another expensive obstacle. I live in a part of Canada where this clinic is the only game in town, the other closest one is 3 hours away, and I have no idea if they'd be any better (not to mention the cost of shipping the sperm). I just don't know how I can be so at the end of my rope when it's only just begun. I've been trying to keep positive, and take care of myself and my wife, but I just keep feeling so heartbroken and like it's just so unfair that so many people don't have to go through any of this.

If you managed to read all of this, congrats, and if you have any tips or advice, or even just some kind words, I would love to hear them ❤️

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u/mallorygoose — 11 days ago
▲ 1 r/queerception

trigger shot iui

hi

this is our first iui cycle. we triggered on the 27th and did our iui on the 28th. we’ve been testing the trigger periodically— just to see what it looks like. it’s been getting consistently lighter but yesterday it was very faint, and then today it’s the same so it feels like it’s stalling. has anyone had experience with this? i know it’s very early to be testing still but this is all just very new. :)

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u/sxrose01 — 11 days ago