r/queerception

I’ll be married in October to a cis man and I am a trans woman (AMAB). What are realistically my options at motherhood. We just bought a new home in a nice neighborhood and I yearn to have a family. We are 30/28 y/o. I don’t see many trans fem posts.

Thanks in advance! 💗

hi friends, feeling very defeated. i’m on my fourth IUI and got a negative this morning at 10 DPO. did anyone get a stark negative on day 10 but get a positive later on? i really thought i was pregnant this time around.. and IUI is likely my only option as IVF is expensive. Any advice would be helpful

Hi all, lesbian couple from the Netherlands here. I was wondering what kind of type of syringe you have been using for home insemination? Unfortunately our Amazon offer is not the same as overseas. So we bought this one online: https://www.zelfinseminatie-shop.nl/zelfinseminatie-sets/zelfinseminatieset-4x-flexibele-canule

As you can see it comes with a very long cannula. During our first insemination it was a bit painful for me, so I was wondering if this is really needed or if you have been successful without it.

Unfortunately our first try seemed to be not successful (still awaiting my period but the test was negative already) so ofcourse we’re overthinking every little detail now for our next try lol.

I’ve been on estrogen patches for a few weeks and felt awful. I started progesterone in oil a couple of days ago and I feel sooooooo much better.

hi everyone! so i’m on my fourth IUI and my history of IUIs are as follows:

1. natural iui, got pregnant but ended with a chemical

2. natural iui, didn’t take

3. clomid cycle, didn’t take

the first three IUIs was with one donor. my doctors say everything looks great with me and that the donor may have been the issue - so my fiance and i switched to a new donor.

with that being said, i wanted to know for those who have had successful IUIs.. did you get pressure in your abdomen that feels like it’s on your bladder? it’s not necessarily painful but .. pressure! i’m also experiencing heaviness in my boobs and horrible fatigue.

and i know i know, im symptom spotting and also am on progesterone but wanting to know if anyone else who had successful IUIs experienced the abdomen pressure???

Hi everyone! The title describes the current struggle we are in. Me (F33) and my girlfriend (F38) would love to become parents together, but we are struggling about the decicion which egg we should chose.

My girlfriend has a 4yo son from a previous marriage (her egg). She has no desire to carry, I would like to carry the child. To ensure a direct bond between my girlfriend, her earlier son and the new baby, she prefers it to be her egg. The donor of her other son is open to make another donation.

I am scared if we decide to do her egg, I Will regret not having biological children of my own genetics. I have this biological urge in me and am struggling with this. My girlfriend does not want to have 2 more children.

I’m wondering about other couples struggling with this and what their experiences are!

(PS Not a native speaker-we live in Europe)

[removed]

My wife (cis F) and I (FtM) are expecting our first child in January. I am a passing man. I will be on the birth certificate. But is there anything I need to legally do to adopt the baby once it’s born? We used a sperm donor but my egg. I want to be sure there’s no questions about my parental rights despite not being the gestational parent. Is it true I need to legally adopt the baby? Any direction would be helpful.

Edit: I am in New York and my wife and I are legally married.

We have a lesbian couple as friends and my wife and I are starting our fertility journey for another kid. They offered us their last vial at a significant discount but it’s not stored at the original bank. So we would have no rights with the bank or to the sibling registry. But, our kid would have siblings with our friends. We are considering this but I am less on board than my wife is because our kid wouldn’t be able to reach out to the bank at 18 and we wouldn’t get health updates from the bank either. What would you do and why? Anything in particular that you would consider either way?

Hi all! Me (31) and my partner (38) will celebrate our first anniversary soon. After previous failed relationships and years of being single we’re both pretty convinced we found the love of our life in eachother. It’s the most beautiful, safe and stable relationship I’ve event been in.
I’m 100% sure I want to marry that woman.

I want to have children, she expressed that she wants to have family with me too. It’s early days but we’re both in an agreement that we want to get married first and buy a house (as it’s quite hard to get a house in south England anyway, not speaking when you already have a child and your affordability and income lowers). From my calculations we need 2-3 years to achieve these goals first.

BUT I feel so safe and loved I’m experiencing intense baby fever (I would carry). I read, research and worry about IVF, IUIs, my age (I have PCOS too), timelines… I know we’re early in relationship but our age and the fact we can’t just get pregnant like hetero Couples and it requires so much resources and planning doesn’t help. I look at babies around me, my friends having babies and it just makes me sad. I want to be a mother so much.

Anyone experienced it? How did you deal with it?

My partner and I are starting to think about how we will have children. I (28 cis f) will hopefully be the one carrying the baby. If we get the green light fertility wise, our first option would probably be IUI with my egg and donor sperm as we have no known donor options other than my brother. My partner (28 cis f) has no male relatives we would ask.

However, I am drawn to the idea of having a child that is genetically ‘ours’, ie use my partner’s egg and my brother’s sperm. We also would just prefer a known donor and he is our only option. However, I don’t know anyone who has done this (carried a baby that is genetically their partner’s and brother’s) and I would be interested to hear people’s instinctive reaction to see what we/our child would face from others if we went down that route. Is it weird to you? We don’t think so and that’s obviously what matters, but useful to get a temperature check.

This was me - I had “no existing fertility problems” because I am in a WLW relationship and THERE IS NO FERTILITY HISTORY TO GO OFF OF.

And I didn’t learn until after two early miscarriages from two successful IUIs that the protocol for recurring pregnancy loss is doing an endometrial biopsy. My biopsy, which took 20 minutes total in an outpatient procedure (it sucked but was quick), came back positive for Chronic Endometritis. Not endometriosis - Endometritis. This is inflammation in the endometrium that is addressed with antibiotics. Most women who have it have no symptoms until they experience recurring pregnancy loss.

WHY isn’t this offered to single women/women in queer relationships BEFORE IUI? Because the “protocol” is to test after recurring pregnancy loss. But, dear folks, in order to get to that point I wasn’t just doing the bedroom dance and crossing my fingers - I was spending thousands of dollars on sperm donor contracts and IUI. (You get it).

I did every other freaking test they suggested before IUI. This should be added to the protocol of, at the very least, suggestions for folks who have not been able to “try at home.”

So, long story short, if you are beginning this journey, I personally wish that I had known about this and asked for an endometrial biopsy BEFORE IUI, and before I put myself through all that pain and suffering.

I am venting here because I’m so mad at how little this process has been adjusted for us as a queer couple. I am venting here because I’m sad about the two babies that weren’t because I didn’t know about this issue.

But I’m also venting here to hopefully arm others with more information so that you can advocate for yourself. I wish someone had sent me this information!

hi! not sure if this is the right sub for this - my wife and I have a known sperm donor who is a dear friend of ours. we are considering moving to the same city he and his family are. we have a toddler and intend to have more kids.

I’m curious to hear from other queer families with known donors how that relationship has looked for your family and kids? we have a great relationship with them and just want to be intentional about identity for our kids. many thanks!

Hi all, this is my second iui fail. My doctor told me we should try 3 rounds of iui before switching to IVF since I have no underlying fertility concerns. I’m not sure what steps to take next, I was told that ivf has a higher rate of success but I know it’s a much more intense process and that does make me a little nervous. I know we have one more iui attempt but I’m kind of feeling like I want to go ahead and make the switch to ivf. Has anyone else made that switch or had any experience similar?

For added info-my wife and I are using donor sperm and do not have unlimited resources to continue to pay $2500 per vial for these attempts along with the costs adding up with iui attempts.

Anyone here from NY and do reciprocal IVF. My wife and I have some questions about once baby is born we’ve heard mixed things about the need for legal adoption