r/queerception

This month was supposed to be our last iui attempt. I went in at my baseline scan on CD3 with a 12 mm follicle. At the time the doctor was not worried about it but wanted me to come in again to see how it was progressing. On CD6 I went back in and it was 18mm. They said they thought it was a cyst but would know more when my bloodwork came back. I got a call that i was already ovulating/about to ovulate. The doctor said she has determined iui is no longer a viable option for us as she doesn’t believe it is productive. She says she believes this is actually a fertility issues and believes I have ovarian dysfunction. I’m debating on whether or not i should get a second opinion because I feel like I have a lot of questions. I’m not sure I am even willing to do another IUI but I am just so confused. I’ll break down my IUIs to give a better perspective. I would be so thankful for any advice or to know if anyone has dealt with something similar.

IUI 1 - was unmedicated but I never caught my surge so it was canceled.
IUI 2 - mediated 2.5mg clomid. Triggered with a 16mm follicle due to blood work coming back that I was about to ovulate.
IUI 3 - 5mg clomid. Canceled because of 4 mature follicles.
IUI 4 - 2.5mg letrezol. 1 18mm follicle trigged that night went in 30ish hours later for IUI.
IUI 5 - 5mg letrezol canceled because of 4 follicles
IUI 6 - 2.5 mg 16mm follicle triggered the next night and went in 30ish hours later for IUI.
IUI 7 - ovulated too early and was told to move to ivf.

What does everyone feel okay doing for exercise during the TWW? I usually do a bounce class on an individual trampoline but I’m concerned it’s too intense for the implantation period. Am I just nervous or is there truth/science/anecdotes people are aware of on what level and kind of fitness to do during this time? Thanks everyone

I need help making the hardest decision of our lives.
We have a known donor we have been using for trying for the last year. We had zero positives for the 9 cycles we tried (including 4 IUIs) and the 10th cycle we had an ectopic in my right tube.

Our doctors recommended moving onto IVF as I have PCOS. We found a clinic we love, but they just called us today as we are getting ready to start, to say we need to follow the FDA guidelines for known donor sperm. This puts us at spending 6500 on getting his sperm frozen, or using an unknown donor from a bank. We could also keep doing IUI with our known donor, but after 5 failed ones the odds aren’t high.

What do we do? We don’t have insurance coverage so IVF out of pocket is already 20,000. Then a frozen transfer is 6500 which we will likely need with pcos. An additional 6500 is more money than we have.

An unknown donor is around 2,000. We loved the idea of this donor (my best friend) creating this baby with us. But the road blocks seem to just keep happening.

What do we do?

Looking for personal experiences with Mt Sinai vs Twig vs Hannam for IUI. We started with Twig before realizing that they do not offer funded IUI. We are now trying to decide if it is worth going elsewhere for funded IUI.

We have had a consult with Hannam, but I am not loving that the ultrasounds required are handled by a different facility entirely (and that there are no downtown locations).

We are a lesbian couple using donor sperm. I am 28, but have a low AMH of 5.71 pmol/l.

Each clinic seems to do things differently, so we would like to hear people’s experiences and recommendations.

I recently called a sperm bank to find out about pricing. $640 for the initial appointment, $350 for an additional appointment, $55 per month of storage or $530 per year. What’s really making this seem difficult for me is the process. They say you’ve gotta go through a consultation, and this sperm bank is already an hour and a half away from home and they’re not open when I’m off work. It’s the closest sperm bank from where I live. Also, apparently sperm banking means additional blood tests, probably to make sure you don’t give your partner/surrogate an STD. The blood tests required for HRT itself are already making me hesitant to do the treatment. I can’t live a life of getting poked all the time.

This decision making is getting harder and harder. Should I just hope I can successfully restore my fertility if I end up wanting kids? How bad is it temporarily going off HRT for fertility? Apparently, the regret rate of not banking sperm before HRT is 60%. And please don’t give me the same old, “I wouldn’t want kids in this economy” or “just adopt” responses.

My spouse (41) went through one egg retrieval cycle: 5 follicles, 3 grew, 1 egg retrieved, egg was fertilized but didn’t make to blastocyst. We never thought a baby from their eggs was in the cards but with the retrieval covered by insurance, we started getting hopeful.

Round number 2 coming in September. Any success stories of egg retrieval in 40s. First round not working, but second round working perhaps. Trying to find some hope for round 2.

Thank you!

Hello all! My wife and I are currently using Just a Baby app to find a sperm donor.

Our current requirements are healthy and handsome sperm donors. We are coming across a lot of very handsome men of color. However we are weary on the ethics of being a white couple purposely having a child of color. I suppose we kind of feel like we would be “stealing” a child from a community we do not belong to.

We desperately want to be parents but we also want to make sure we are doing everything right. We are mostly only interested in the opinions of POC folks. We are also open to hearing from white/mixed race couples and their experiences with having a child that is POC.

We like to think of ourselves as solid accomplices/allies to all POC communities and we would be heartbroken to ever over step those boundaries as it relates to race.

Thank you in advance. We hope everyone is having an excellent summer.

Edit to add: We have been validated in our concerns. We truly and deeply appreciate everyone’s input and advice. We will continue seeking a donor that is our race. We do get POC gentlemen who swipe right on us but will graciously pass up on their very generous offer now that we are better informed from all of your shared experiences. Thank you to everyone who recognizes that we were coming from a good place of genuine concern.

Has anyone dealt with a fertility clinic refusing to submit prior authorization because they insist it isn’t required, even though your insurance company says it is?
My wife and I are a same-sex couple going through Weill Cornell. Cigna told us that we may qualify for infertility coverage based on our reproductive circumstances, but IVF is only covered under certain conditions and requires prior authorization.
We have repeatedly asked Weill Cornell to submit the prior authorization, but they keep telling us that “Cigna doesn’t require it” and seem confused about what we are requesting. We absolutely do not want to proceed with an IVF cycle based on that assumption, only to have the claim denied and be forced to fight with Cigna and the clinic’s financial services department afterward.
Has anyone encountered something similar, particularly with Cigna or Weill Cornell? How did you get the clinic to submit the authorization? Is there a particular department, supervisor, or type of documentation we should request? Would it help to arrange a three-way call with Cigna and the clinic?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

My wife has had three iuis and unfortunately they've all been negative. At nearly 5g a try we are definitely starting to feel a bit lost in our journey. Who has had success with iui? Who moved onto ivf? trying to stay hopeful but man each negative hurts that much more.

My wife and I are considering using a Facebook group to find a known donor, and I’d really love to hear from people who have actually gone through the process.
For those who found a donor through Facebook (or another online group):
-How did you go about vetting potential donors?
-Did you have a positive experience overall?
-Were there any red flags or unexpected issues?
-Did you use a lawyer/donor agreement or go through a clinic for testing?
-How did you handle expectations around future contact and the child?
-Looking back, would you do it the same way again?

I’ve seen both really positive stories and some pretty concerning ones, so I’m trying to get a realistic picture before making any decisions. I’m especially interested in hearing from people who have successfully conceived using a donor they met through a Facebook group.
Thanks in advance! Personal experiences, good or bad, are really appreciated!

Edited to add: this is just one of many options we’re exploring and would do genetic testing, sperm motility, STI testing, etc

Hi everyone! My partner and I are starting with a clinic using donor sperm in NZ. Hoping we have our first iui in 2 months. I’ve been taking elevit but just wondering if anyone has tips on diet/anything we should do to improve our chances?

Thank you!

My partner and I (cis women) have been trying (ICI) with a known donor for 8 months and are starting to look into IVF. We made an appointment (six months out locally) and are starting to look into traveling out of the country instead (we're in the US). To do it 'close to home' would still require several hours of driving, over night stays in hotels, and out of pocket medical costs. We will also have to fly our donor out of state to give a donation somewhere it could be cryopreserved (even if we do it near home as our state doesn't have a way to preserve donor sperm and won't use donor sperm that isn't cryopreserved for a certain amount of time first).

How have other people coordinated with known donors internationally? Looks like shipping sperm internationally is not always acceptable and some countries don't allow known donor arrangements. Does it make sense to choose a country where known donors are legal and then fly him to wherever we go with us so it can all be done at once? Or will the same incubation period still apply that applies at our local clinic? He is essentially a sexual partner at this point because of fluid exchanges over the last several months of trying so the 'safety' of preserving it while waiting for STI testing doesn't provide any added benefit for us and is just creating a logistical barrier.

I will start emailing companies and asking for consults to find this info out, but there is so much information out there, I'm overwhelmed about where to start.

A friend is looking for queer community support for dealing with a bad known donor relationship and can't find anything useful so far. Are there any good writings, specific online communities, support groups for this? Their current situation is incredibly traumatic and anything would be helpful, either geared for parents or for children. Legal and therapist support is already happening.

Edit: Bad relationship meaning it has become high conflict with serious boundary breaches by the donor.

My partner and I just received our contract with seed scout and we are having major second thoughts. After doing the research and math, it looks like we can expect to spend at least 19k with them. We are both self employed, don’t have fertility benefits or paid leave. Zero. We don’t know how we are going to do this.

For those of you who have gone the known donor route, not via a third party matching company, do you mind sharing what you spent all in all? Also, how was the timeline for you?

Thanks in advance.

Hi All.

My partner and I used Seed Scout to find our donor. It was seven months from the date we signed our contract to the date we received our vials. We ended up with 15 vials.

Our clinic had a 35 day quarantine and we were not able to waive it which made our process longer. Be aware that Seed Scouts makes the introductions but it’s up to you to manage the communication back and forth between all the providers, clinics etc involved.

I don’t regret using Seed Scout, but it was not easy. Danielle from Seed Scout did not often communicate effectively and a few times forgot really important aspects of our process that delayed us. She tends to be brusque in her communication style.

Our donor is the highlight of it all. He is truly a kind human and we are grateful for our relationship.

My advice is make sure you are on top of it. Check in with everyone often and make sure you get access to lab orders, results etc so that important things don’t get missed.

We spent just under $19000 in the entire process.

Seed Scout fee: $5500
Payment to donor: $5000
Psych session for donor: $250 required by Seed Scout with their preferred provider
Psych session for intended parents (us): $250
Psych session for intended parents + donor together: $250
Genetic testing donor: $270
Semen analysis for donor: $250
Legal fees for parents: $1600
Legal fee for donor: $600
Collection clinic fees + shipping: $3200
Donor travel costs (food, transportation, hotel stays) (our donor had to travel to a collection clinic because there was not one -that Seed Scout approved of- near where he lived): $1700
Total: $18,870

The process —->

• Send questionnaire with preferences - like height, education level, ethnicity etc.
• Seed Scout will create a portfolio of options for you. Each profile will include five photos of donor and some additional information about them. Profile also will show who has gotten genetic testing done, semen analysis, whether they have to travel for donations and if they have matched with another family already.
•You will have about two weeks to send your top 4.
• Seed Scout will provide an extended portfolio for your top choices - it’ll include childhood photos , family pictures and a more in depth look at their medical history and background.
• You will have a less than a week to let them know who you want to meet with - up to two.
• Meet with top choice or choices (up to two).
• Once you have selected who you want to move forward with - you will have to let the other donor know - that you don’t want to move forward with them. I appreciated this because it allows it all to feel a bit less transactional.
• If match with donor selected is mutual - CONGRATS!

• Receive genetic analysis and semen analysis results - or schedule these. These can take about a month.
• Check with your fertility clinic for approval.
• Receive approval from your clinic.

• Schedule psych sessions. Scheduling these can take about a month or so. Seed Scout will require you to use their preferred provider. They have a few options. We went with Jana Rupnow.
• Receive clearance from psychologist.
• Start legal process - you pay for a lawyer for your donor - and a lawyer for yourself. Seed Scout will require you to use their recommended attorneys.
• Sign legal agreement
• Schedule donations
• Get donor tested for CMV about a week before donations are scheduled to make sure he does not have an active infection.
• Donor heads to clinic and makes donations. If they have to travel to collection clinic then they can only donate two separate time. But if they don’t, then they can donate up to four times. Legal agreement also stipulates donor can make more donations once all
you vials have ran out.
• Wait for quarantine, if your clinic has one, and if they do - then get bloodwork done after quarantine is done.
• Collection clinic will produce a summary of records and send it to your fertility clinic. This part can take about a month. Once clinic receives the summary of records you can ship the sperm!
• if you use a third party company for shipping, scheduling this can take about two weeks. How you ship depends on your clinic and the collection clinic.

What can make this move faster?
• Work with a fertility clinic that allows you to waive a directed donor quarantine
• Select a donor who doesn’t have to travel out of state for donations.
• Have your genetic testing completed before matching with donor.
• Select donor who has had their semen analysis and their genetic testing done or has already matched with another family.

I would love to hear someone's cost breakdown when they went the known donor route in the United States. I know that it depends on the state. But just would love to hear your experiences!

Hello!!! I'm considering IVF in the Czech Republic from Canada. I have two options: 1. Start stimulation in Canada and fly to the Czech Republic for egg retrieval. 2. Fly to the Czech Republic for three weeks and do everything there. After all the calculations (IVF, PGT test, tickets, accommodation, and future transfers), is it really possible to save money compared to IVF in Canada? Has anyone gone through this and can share their experiences?
Thanks