u/throwawayx506

24, transfem. Started testing the waters on Friday night. Each night, I take 1mg finasteride and 2mg estradiol. One thing I’ve heard about other people testing the waters is that they knew this was right for them after they felt a boost in mood.

If I feel no change within the first few months, would that mean that it’s not for me, or would it mean that my dosage just has no effect? Would the next step be to stop, or just ask the doctor about trying a higher dose?

Also, one person said that a low dose can cause negative feelings not because of HRT not being for me, but because of hormone deficiency from a low dose. If HRT makes me feel worse, how would I know whether my mind is rejecting the HRT or demanding a higher dose?

I’m gonna be testing the waters with a daily dose of 2mg estradiol and 1mg finasteride. I have the pills from the pharmacy, though I’m still waiting to see if the queer care resources team at Planned Parenthood ever responds and says if there are any more options I could look into about potential sperm banking.

The doctor said that they had a lot of patients who went with this testing the waters approach, and said that they realized they were on the right path when it boosted their mood and made them more comfortable in their skin. I’m not sure what exactly that mood boost would feel like. Also, my throat started feeling sore today and I don’t know if cold symptoms can interfere with that mood boost. Should I wait until the cold’s gone?

What I mainly want out of HRT is to stop my body from getting more masculine, but one thing I’d really love to have more feminized is my face, so maybe I should keep track of how that changes.

I’m gonna start HRT pretty soon and regarding breast growth, I feel nervous and excited about it at the same time. I imagine that boobs will give me some euphoria, and sometimes it feels like something’s missing when I notice I’m flat. The nervous part has nothing to do with whether I’ll actually like them, it’s just that I still get that worry about whether I’m actually trans. At what stage are the boobs there to stay?

CW: References to genitalia and masturbation

24 MtF, recently got a prescription for 2mg estradiol and 1mg finasteride per day. I've tried looking into banking options, but the nearest one is an hour and a half away and is only open while I'm at work, and the online options seems to demand thousands of dollars for the initial order.

Are there ways to stay fertile while on HRT? I hear some people say you can stay fertile by using your equipment regularly so it doesn't shrivel up, but I'd love to be able to wear a bikini and other feminine outfits without a noticeable frog in my crotch, and the doctor says that HRT can make erections painful.

24 pre-HRT. It’s official. I’m really testing the waters with HRT. The doctor put in a perscription of 2mg estradiol and 1mg of finasteride per day. We went over the basic questions (billing, medical history, welfare) and also discussed the changes this would do. She asked how I felt about each change.

She talked about facial changes, and I honestly think that’s what I need the most out of this. I’ve enjoyed presenting more androgynous these past few weeks, and I have at times felt euphoric about seeing my pretty face in the mirror. Makeup tends to help with that euphoria. If I just continue to let the testosterone pump through my body, my face might just become more masculine and take away that euphoria. That’s the thing I’ve realized, even if I’m not exactly truly a woman on the inside and being androgynous is my true destiny, I just want to be away from masculinity. I told her that this is something I want. Softening of the skin and body hair is another thing she asked about. If that means it’s easier to get rid of the body hair, yep. Don’t know how it’s gonna feel when my skin softens up.

We talked about how I still have those doubts in my head. I asked her how I can know if I’m on the right path. She said most of the patients who took HRT to test the waters knew they were on the right path when it made them feel more comfortable in their skin and overall boosted their mood. Some regret starting this at all, but some also regret not starting earlier. Tomorrow will mark seven years since I started questioning. Sometimes I still worry if I’m just going crazy, yet I also wonder where I could’ve been at this point had I not put it off for so long. I still worry about my fertility likely going away. I haven’t brought home the pills yet, so it’s not too late to figure out a sperm banking plan. The thing is, driving an hour and a half away to the nearest sperm bank seems like a hassle, and those online sperm banks seem expensive, if they’re even reliable enough.

Overall, I really hope I’m going on the right path.

I finally managed to get a hold of my local center over the phone to ask for some clarification about putting in the subscriber’s information for insurance. They said that I could just input the number from my own card and they’d still be able to get it through. My appointment is next Wednesday. I’ve been questioning for nearly 7 years now, and since April 2024, I’ve thought about giving HRT a try just to see how it makes me feel. I’m feeling nervous. The portal says that this appointment includes a blood draw. I’m scared to have this done. Last time I had a blood draw, I felt trapped, like the walls were closing in on me in the phlebotomy room. I remember when I first started questioning, I saw someone on Reddit say that there were these flat things you could put your finger on as an alternative way to draw blood, but I can’t remember what it’s called, and I don’t know if Planned Parenthood even accepts that.

I also never figured out a plan for sperm banking. The search for options was just feeling too complicated, and I felt like it was just delaying my trial of HRT.

And also, the political landscape we’re in (I’m from the US) right now has me nervous that I’m putting myself at risk. Recent news has reminded me that even if we manage to score a blue wave in a couple months, I could still be at risk of being put on a genocide list for this. I don’t know how much HIPPA can really keep me safe.

Since scheduling the appointment, the doubts have suddenly felt stronger. It’s almost like the way I felt when I came out to my mother 3 years ago. I’m really doing this. I’m about to talk to a clinic about receiving HRT. I’m really gonna be putting estrogen in my body. But you know, after I came out to my mother, she had me see a counselor, which led to me finding more androgynous ways to present, and I’ve enjoyed presenting more androgynous. I wouldn’t want to go back to the way I was before that. Sometimes I think I might just be non-binary, in which case, this could be a good way to stop myself from further masculinizing. I’m sure most of the changes HRT does to my face and stuff could be passed off as more androgynous. And then there’s two sides of how I feel about boob growth. That’s a distinctly feminine feature. I don’t think it’s something that can be passed off as androgynous, especially in comparison to a flat chest. And unlike most changes from HRT, boobs are permanent at a certain point. If I do grow boobs, some people might notice and I’d have to come out to them. Some people say there are some inhibitors you can mix in, but some people say it might not be available and some say it’s a risk of blood clots. You might think I’d look into those more, but no. At the same time, I feel like that could also be delaying a beneficial change for me, and growing boobs honestly doesn’t sound as bad as my blood clotting. There’s another side of me that feels excited that my chest is likely gonna start boobing up by spring. I personally like the idea of having a soft squishy rack, I’ve heard good things about the feeling of a bra on boobs, I feel they could help me rock some beautiful outfits like a bikini, and sometimes I’m hyper aware of their absence. It’s just that I feel nervous about doing something permanent when I still feel kind of uncertain about my gender identity. Of course, my mileage might vary.

I still feel bad about putting this off for the past 7 years. I don’t know how much of a difference it makes to start at 17 instead of 24.

I’ve been contemplating trying HRT. When I tried to schedule an appointment, I said that I was on a family insurance plan, it said it needed the subscriber’s name, date of birth, and number. My mother accepts me, but I still don’t feel fully comfortable discussing my gender identity with her because I still get doubts. Not sure if this means I’d also have to come out to my father, with him being the head of the household. Would he have to be the one whose info I have to enter? When my mother had me talk to a counselor about my identity back then, I did give them insurance, and I think it was without my father knowing, but that was back when we were on a different insurance provider.

I thought I could just do this totally on my own. I thought I’d be able to get that Planned Parenthood appointment scheduled on my own, but when I got to the insurance page, it said it needed the details about who’s subscribing to the insurance. That would mean having to tell my mother about this and possibly come out to my father for the first time since he’s the head of the household. It’s been years since my mother accepted me, and yet I still don’t feel comfortable talking to her about this gender identity I still don’t feel certain about.

Still trying to get myself to actually take action and try HRT. Trying to get myself to schedule an appointment for the 23rd. I’m thinking of doing it through Telehealth. I checked, and it appears my local center accepts my insurance provider. Without giving away what state I live in or what provider I get my insurance from, what would I likely be paying each year for the hormones?

This could become a permanent value in the Democratic party for the foreseeable future. How do we stop that? People keep saying not to vote for these dems this November, but that’s clearly not the solution. The Democrats lost after throwing us under the bus in 2024, and did they did they learn their lesson from that? No. Instead they just continued to blame us for the election loss. How do you expect them to learn from people not voting for them in this election?

All year, I’ve been seeing talks about signs that Democrats could take back the house and possibly even the senate this year. Now, polls are known to have been inaccurate at times, but the concern I’m discussing here isn’t exactly about whether or not Republicans are gonna hold onto congress this year. It’s more about DINO’s feeling more empowered by a blue wave. We’re still seeing some Democrats throw us under the bus, including in some critical statewide races, like in Ohio, Iowa, and Nevada. Clearly, they’re not learning their lesson from not being voted for in past elections and it seems they don’t get very promising opposition in the primaries. About a month ago, I brought up how Amy Acton, the Democratic gubernatorial candidate for Ohio is one of those shift to the center Democrats with her support for trans athlete bans, and one person said that before we can shift leftward from the center, we need to shift leftward TO the center. A couple days later, I see a post about Acton excluding trans people from a discussion that she didn’t show up to. The comments said that if Acton wins this, which she could due to the flaws pointed out about who the Ohio Republicans nominated, it could encourage more Democrats to use the strategy of throwing us under the bus. It seems it’s also happening with Democrats in some key US senate races. I recently saw some discussion about Iowa’s Josh Turek being MAGA lite, did some searching around, saw Erin’s article saying he supports bans on trans athletes. Also pointed out the same thing about Sherrod Brown. I remember hearing about how he supported some anti-trans legislation towards the end of his previous senate tenure, after he had already lost to Bernie Moreno. If these kinds of Democrats win, which could happen because they’re doing this in conjunction with actual concerns that would trigger a blue wave (ICE, Flock, AI, Iran), it could affirm their belief that we are a liability in winning elections. It could make our civil rights more unachievable. The house and senate majorities seem to swing between Democrat and Republican, but one thing that it doesn’t seem to swing toward is an ally majority.

I recently set up my appointment for my yearly physical, and to my relief, it sounds like it won’t require a blood draw this time. Though it sounds like I will need it next year. Last year I switched health providers due to a change in insurance and when I set up my first physical, my doctor made me do a blood test for my ADHD meds. Refused to refill them until I did the labwork. None of my previous providers made me do this for this same medication and dosage that I have been on for decades. I was so scared on the day of my blood lab that it took me hours to get up, get in the car, and walk into the clinic. I just couldn’t move between checking in and the phlebotomist calling me in. I felt trapped, like the walls were closing in. Next thing I know, I can smell rubbing alcohol on my elbow and the needle is going in. It was stinging for hours and the adhesive on the bandage hurt my skin and made the drive home difficult. I’m hoping that by next year, I’ll get a job that gives me a reason to move away and hopefully get care from someone who doesn’t make me do these bi-annual blood labs.

If I make that appointment for HRT, I’ll be forced to get more of these blood tests. I’ve been dipping my toes a little more by clicking the book appointment button on the Planned Parenthood website, see what appointment times are available, but then I remember the blood tests, no, I can’t do this. I found some people saying that they didn’t have to do blood tests until a few months into treatment (mainly when doing it through telehealth), which does make me feel a little better, but that’s still just delaying the inevitable.

I’m thinking of getting HRT through informed consent at Planned Parenthood. They do have a clinic in my town, but since I’m still not comfortable with talking about my gender identity with others, I think it might be easier for me to just do telehealth. Any reason to go in-person instead?

One of the biggest hurdles to my thoughts about trying HRT is I still don’t feel fully comfortable taking to others about my gender identity. My mother accepted me when I came out a few years ago when I came out, but the doubts still made me wish I didn’t do that. I still feel uncomfortable talking with her about my gender identity and I’m still not out to other family members. Back when I was away for college a couple years ago, I did nervously text her about my idea of giving HRT a try just to see how it would make me feel. She said it was totally my call and to do whatever made me feel comfortable. I’ve been thinking I might need to bring it up with her again if I’m gonna really do it so that she could help me sort out the plan and help me decide if I should bank sperm, but I still don’t feel comfortable talking to her about this.

I know some people here obviously don’t get help with HRT from a parent because of transphobia. How hard would I be making this for myself by not getting help from my mother?

I’m trying to push myself to get my plans through to try HRT, but figuring out a fertility plan has been a mess. Did anyone here just pass on sperm banking and just conceive by pausing their HRT? How long were you on HRT? How long did you have to be off of it to create viable sperm again? What effects did the pause have on you? And most importantly, did it work?

I recently called a sperm bank to find out about pricing. $640 for the initial appointment, $350 for an additional appointment, $55 per month of storage or $530 per year. What’s really making this seem difficult for me is the process. They say you’ve gotta go through a consultation, and this sperm bank is already an hour and a half away from home and they’re not open when I’m off work. It’s the closest sperm bank from where I live. Also, apparently sperm banking means additional blood tests, probably to make sure you don’t give your partner/surrogate an STD. The blood tests required for HRT itself are already making me hesitant to do the treatment. I can’t live a life of getting poked all the time.

This decision making is getting harder and harder. Should I just hope I can successfully restore my fertility if I end up wanting kids? How bad is it temporarily going off HRT for fertility? Apparently, the regret rate of not banking sperm before HRT is 60%. And please don’t give me the same old, “I wouldn’t want kids in this economy” or “just adopt” responses.